Photos
Look, I’m not going to lie to you, because we are all adults and adults treat each other with respect. The local news report that I have posted after the jump, while great, doesn’t get that much better than this still frame (via WarmingGlow):
HAHAHAHA. EVERYBODY SEEN THE BIRD SAY YEAHHHHHH! Birds are definitely the new Leprechauns. Definitely. So, like I said, that is the highlight, and you are under NO OBLIGATION to continue reading this post and watching the full news clip (unlike most posts in which it is law that you read the whole thing and watch all the videos otherwise the judge will be like “CONTEMPT!”) but I will be honest with you for a second time now and let you know that if you don’t watch the video you will miss a bunch of middle-aged women doing dramatic re-enactments of what it was like when they were attacked by a bird while walking their dogs. So. Be smart.
As a dog owner myself, I find this news to be TERRIFIYING. Can you imagine? You’re just walking your dog down by the nursing home wearing your favorite outfit from Filene’s Basement and some bird flies near you? Did you know they are related to dinosaurs? THIS IS BASICALLY A DINOSAUR ATTACK!
But why are these visibly shaken women lying so much? Like, I find it very hard to believe that Ellen Levy remembers exactly what year The Birds was released off the top of her head without any hesitation. And I’m sorry, Jeanine Magaro, but you did not THROW YOUR COFFEE INTO THE AIR.
Please, ladies. We are all empathetic with the LIVING NIGHTMARE that your lives have become, but don’t undermine your own inspirational stories with these embellishments. We cannot defeat the bird by giving up our moral center! Or our coffee!
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My favorite part was when they replayed the incident from the bird’s perspective.
Thank you for the visual example of a shadow, and the bird’s eye view camera angles Mr. Literal News Cinematographer.
Bartender, a round of Pulitzers for me and my crew!
–Tory Dunnan 1974-2012
To me it look like a seagull to me.
Seagull turns into SeaBULL real quick… just add a little paranoia.
that seagull attack was a miracle.
it could be a crackhead
upon closer examination of the composite sketch… it think it may actually have been a snowman wearing a pope hat.
The Great Schism of 1054 did lead to there being a snowman pope for a few weeks. Until it warmed up.
“I was feeling attacked — totally attacked,” attack victim Ellen Levy said
Of course they assume they’re black birds, tisk tisk.
“No, it’s clearly a Black Vulture, native to South America. These Hispanic birds are stealing our job of scaring old ladies.” – Racist Seagull.
Quick, somebody find the bird flute guy!
This is a ploy by the newspaper industry to show the “24/7 news cycle behind the curtain.”
Upon hearing that life was imitating meme. The monster’s only reaction was to dance their monster dance.
Its like he has practiced that front tuck for hours to perfect it. I love how he tucks his arm into his stomach….exactly how they taught him to do it on a you tube video.
This gif just kinda makes him look like Andrew WK in a different outfit. Not that that’s a bad thing.
leaving a trail of fear…by which i mean a trail of poop.
I like how they called it “something else.” Nice. Class.
I’m glad this problem is finally getting some attention. There’s a pigeon that hangs out on the train tracks near my office. He is an asshole. He terrorizes me just like in the 2010 movie Birdemic. He poos on my head too. I’ve attached the police sketch.
I like what you’re doing with your hair these days.
I just have to say I admire your positivity despite the incident. Look at that smile!
“Keep on smiling. Champ” – you, 2010
Perhaps I can interest you in this:
The Future is Now!
My ears started bleeding, then my eyes, and then it was like a hundred years of feminism was erased quicker than I could shit my pants.
That woman will never escape the birds if she keeps up that “shuffle-run”… GET THOSE KNEES UP LADY!
This is probably just an attempt at viral marketing for Miley Cyrus’ new video.
This war is unwinnable. Best to build a rifle tower and start shooting blindly in every crazy direction until nothing moves anymore.
And if you hit a couple middle-aged women while trying to take out the birds, it’s okay because human skulls are bulletproof.
But is there a gun that can shoot wire hangers???
If I was a pervert living in West Palm Beach I would be hanging out by the bird tree because these women’s boobs are bouncing all over the place when they get chased.
Or you could just say, “If I was living in West Palm Beach…”
A bouncing Tye-Dye is a crazy sight to behold – almost like looking at a schizoid poster a little too much – “ahhh, verklempt!”
Today we are all West Palm Beachers. Never forget
I like how they didn’t expect to get chased on Chase Street. You knew the risks going in, West Palm Beach dog walkers.
That’s why I’ve totally stopped using the Rape Street shortcut.
Goddamn….I expected the bird to pop out of the trees at the end and attack that hot lady.
In England they call hot ladies birds.
And they call hot birds “rainbow lories”
In Finland, Hot Birds are simply normal birds in saunas.
Oh man, I just bought a dress and a clutch at Filene’s Basement yesterday. (not exactly on topic I know) I was surprised to find that it really was a basement. Obviously I don’t take retailer names seriously enough. I guess I’m definitely not going to Target anytime soon.
This is the legacy of Swoops, the Front Street Attack Bird. Long live Swoops!
I miss Swoops. During Swoops reign, I think she was communicating her scare tactics to other birds cause I got attacked/mobbed in the Presidio back then. Damn birds scratchin’ my head.
My hair my be a filthy rat’s nest, but it’s my filthy nest, not some birds.
I thought it was the rat’s nest?
I’ll clarify. “It looks like a filthy rat’s nest.”
I also miss Swoops. And her babies! Remember the babies? And Mr. Swoops? It was such a lovely time for aggressive bird-family protection tactics.
I am not one for anecdote comments, but this is so WEIRD. Absolutely no joke or exaggeration, i was attacked by a bird inside my workplace this very morning. It somehow got inside our store, camped out in the rafters we have, and proceeded to swoop at my head several times. And then pretended to leave, all looking over his shoulder, walking slowly to the door “Okay! See ya later pal!” and then WHAM! RIGHT INTO MY GODDAMNED THROAT.
And the strangest part? It matches the composite sketch exactly.
Your avatar is a real picture of you, isn’t it?
of course. it was taken during my trip to Antarctica.
LOL Your throat??? Be sure to get a rabies shot like Tyra.
We don’t have to outrun the bird, you guys, we just have to outrun idonteven’s throat.
you would be foolish to try.
YIKES! GET OUT OF THERE!
“I never thought I’d see this in West Palm Beach” – Ellen Levy. East Palm Beach, that’s another story!
East Palm Beach: it’s for the birds.
I’m convinced that whoever produced this particular story intentionally tried to make it as viral as possible. Good meme = good publicity. Kind of like how I provide good publicity for Topher’s buttz-suxxing!
No, Ellen Levy. Watching your facial muscles trying to convey emotion and move in concert is a rather unnerving experience.
The news anchors seemed genuinely amused by the story during the introduction. Really, guys!?!? This is a serious matter. Have some respect! Gesh!
Remember the awesome pet peeves guy? Here are his further thoughts on birds (which as you may remember was one of his pet peeves). I guess he’s not moving to West Palm Beach anytime soon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fozE1xdsorY&feature=channel
America, have you heard?
West Palm Beach has got a new dance and it’s called “The Brid.”
Just walk against the wall, and run to the sidewalk witcha dog, “Whoof!”
You don’t need no finesse or personality,
You just need two arms and an attitude’
And everybody sing with me, c’mon now,
“Whawk, Hallelujah, Whooooooa!”
“Whawk, Hallelujah, Whooooooa!”
lmsssao
all the credit goes to “The Time”
Coming next to wacky West Palm, the attack of the killer Oak Trees!
Ellen Levy was cut off before she could say the dates of other bird movies without hesitation:
Paulie 1998
The Crow 1994
March of the Penguins 2005
Paulie was like my favorite movie when I was 10
“What we don’t know is what type of bird it is and when it will stop terrorizing some of these residents.”
The first department to experience budget cuts during a recession is always the composite sketch artists department.
That’s the same sketch that they used for the Bunnicula scare of ’93
So many drained and pale vegetables that year. I still have flashbacks when I open my fridge crisper. The white oranges!
If only Jeanine Magaro had done the actual animation for Birdemic, that little meme could have taken over the world!
Another glaring failure of the No Fly list.
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab
Faisal Shahzad
West Palm Beach Blackbirdizad
When will it end?
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Gimme a break, I’ve been attacked by a dozen different vicious chickens and they have ripped the skin from my flesh and they weren’t even this ‘terrifying’ or traumatic.