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Oh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez. At first I was upset because there was no new episode last week and it was the longest two weeks of my life (just kidding, we’re talking about a TV show, and life is for the living) but now I am upset because MY TWO BEST FRIENDS HAVE DIED. Just kidding. I’m not friends with characters on TV shows, I’m friends with actual human beings! And tiny dogs! But still. Oh jeeeeeeeeeeeeez. Couldn’t they have just killed Michael again? ANYWAY. We begin in the Bizarro LA hospital, where Jack has just finished performing emergency surgery on Locke after Desmond smushed him with his car. Jack is doing what all surgeons do: standing over his patient as he lies sleeping in his recovery room, waiting for him to wake up so they can chit-chat. That’s why spinal surgeons get paid so much! When Locke wakes up, Jack tells him that he has been looking over the charts from his original injury, and he thinks he can perform an experimental surgery on him that will get him out of that wheelchair. Because he thinks he’s A CANDIDATE. For surgery. A candidate for surgery. Locke declines. Bizarro Jack spends the rest of the episode trying to figure out why Locke won’t let him try and save him. Uh, I can answer that for you right now, Jack: because Locke doesn’t want to end up having to MARRY YOU to help assuage your guilt! (Get it? Call back to season whatever.)
Locke’s bizarro fiance walks in, and Jack, a professional spinal surgeon through-and-through, gives her the grossest hug.
So bizarro Jack goes to visit Locke’s old…dentist? To see if he can take a look at the records from Locke’s emergency dental surgery? To figure out why Locke doesn’t want spinal surgery now? That seems incredibly convoluted, not to mention invasive, and also probably illegal! Good luck, Jack. Of course, when he shows up at the dental office, the dentist is wearing a mask. WHO IS BEHIND THAT MASK!
Just kidding. It’s not Dr. Giggles. It is Bernard!
When they realize that all three of them were on Oceanic Flight 815, Bernard decides that Jack might be onto something with this whole wanting to perform an expensive and risky elective spinal surgery on a complete stranger to satisfy his own egotistical pride in his godlike powers to save people’s lives, and explains that Locke was brought in for emergency dental surgery with someone else. OOOOOOH. His name is Anthony Cooper. OOOOOOOOH. It turns out to be Locke’s dad. OH.
Hi, dad!
Hi, this lady!
So, I guess in the bizarro-verse, John Locke’s dad didn’t throw him out of a window after a messy long-con to steal a kidney. Or…he did throw him out of a window, and then he threw himself out of a window to tie up loose ends. NO WITNESSES. Anyway, the good news is that no one in all of Los Angeles needed spinal surgery all week, so Jack has plenty of time to pursue this insane investigation as deep into another man’s personal life as he would like. It’s also helpful that his son is staying with his mother all week. Or is home alone. The point is: JACK, WHERE IS YOUR SON?
Jack goes back to the hospital and stares and Locke while he sleeps.
Uh, Jack? Jack? Are you OK? You guys, I’m worried about Jack. Locke talks in his sleep about pushing buttons and “I wish you had believed me.” Jack is annoyed because none of these things are what he wants to hear, which is “Please do your wonderful surgery on me Mr. Jack, I want to get up out of this chair and dance with you.” Claire shows up at the hospital looking for Jack, and for some reason they do not rush her straight to the delivery room for an emergency c-section because she appears to be ONE MILLION MONTHS pregnant. Instead she is there with a music box that her/Jack’s dad left her in his will. She wants to know what it means.
Jack doesn’t know. Does Jack ever know? You don’t know, Jack! (Yuck.) Jack invites Claire to live with him. Uh. Claire is like “I don’t even know you,” and Jack is like, “Don’t worry, I’m a total creep.” Claire is like “smile.”
MEANWHILE BACK ON THE ISLAND HOLY SHIT GET READY FOR THIS.
Jack wakes up in a boat. Locke is gone, but Sayid is there, polishing his guns. They are on Hydra Island. Cut to: Widmore has taken Sun and Jin and Kate and Sawyer hostage and is going to put them back in the zoo cages. Oh no, not the zoo cages! That’s where Juliette’s sweater of sadness is, or whatever. Sawyer gets the drop on one of the guards, because once he got out he vowed never to go back to zoo jail, but Widmore pulls a gun on Kate before they can escape. He explains that he has a list with four names on it: Hurley, Kwon, and Sawyer are all on it, but Kate isn’t, and he can kill her if he wants. “Don’t listen to him,” Kate says. Yeah! Don’t listen to him! But Sawyer listens to him (ugh, Sawyer is the worst ALL EPISODE) and they go into the cages. Despite all his rage, Sawyer is still just a rat in a cage. The island is a vampire. He tells Kate that he had to surrender because how in the magic name cave Kate’s name was crossed out. Haha, she is pissssesd. Sorry, Kate! The island has DEFRIENSTERED you.
Lapidus, of course, knows that his name isn’t on any lists, but he’s used to it at this point. What’s up, Lapidus!
Locke asks Jack to help him rescue his friends. Jack asks why he should trust Locke. Locke says it’s because he could kill any of them anytime he wanted to but instead he has saved their lives. Right. There is nothing like super-intense, super-creepy NIGHTMARE THREATS to build a bond of deep trust. In any case, the power goes off at the zoo, shutting down the anti-smoke monster pylons, and the smoke monster shows up and kills some dudes, and Jack rescues everyone from the cages. Fair enough, I guess. Although, to be completely honest, Jack is taking this whole teaming up with a fucking SMOKE MONSTER and abetting in his MURDERS pretty casually.
“No biggie. Let’s go!” — Jack
They race through the jungle to meet up with Locke at the airplane. Now, admittedly, I have never been stranded (for the second time) on a magical time-jumping tropical island filled with shape-shifting smoke monsters inhabiting the bodies of my dead friends, but why does every single adult on this show accept this plane nonsense outright. “Oh we are definitely escaping with a smoke monster on an airplane.” Locke has already gotten to the airplane and snapped a dude’s neck.
And stolen a wristwatch.
You know how paranormal immortal shape-shifting smoke monsters are: PUNCTUAL. When everyone shows up, Locke explains that the airplane was rigged with explosives and Widmore wanted them to get on the airplane to blow everyone up. So they should take the submarine instead. Huh. That was a pretty quick ABOUT FACE considering how many weeks Locke wouldn’t shut the fuck up about this AIRPLANE BULLSHIT. But now everyone is like “we are definitely escaping on a submarine with a smoke monster.” Jack isn’t going, because he feels that he needs to stay on the island. But he is going to help them use guns to kill other human beings to get onto that submarine and STEAL IT. Good person, Jack. Very nice person. Sawyer explains his secret plan to get rid of John Locke: “Get him in the water, and I’ll take care of the rest.” Wait, what? That is your master plan? DUDE IS A SMOOOOOOKE MOOOOOOOONSTERRRRRRR. At the very least, you have to explain what “I’ll take care of the rest means.”
Oh, by the way, it turns out that it doesn’t mean ANYTHING.
They get to the submarine, and everyone is running to the submarine, and it looks like it’s going to be pretty easy to escape on the submarine! Oh good! That was so easy! Los Angeles, here we come! I’m going to get an In-N-Out Burger! Locke and Jack are bringing up the rear, and Locke asks Jack who told him that he needed to stay on the island. “John Locke told me,” Jack said. And then BOOM. And then SPLASH.
It is kind of a great moment. Except that shoving Locke into the water was only the first step in Sawyer’s two-step plan. Remember? Hey, Sawyer, what’s the second part of your plan? You know, the part where YOU TAKE CARE OF THE REST? Oh, no time for that now, Sawyer is in the submarine, shouting nonsense. Whoops! Good plan, Sawyer. It could have worked, too, if Sawyer hadn’t dropped the ball, because while Locke is clearly super good at turning into a giant amorphous smoke monster, he is not as good at climbing out of the lake.
And then, finally, blessedly, in a rare act of charity, someone shoots Kate.
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.
For some reason, they pull Kate’s body onto the submarine and everyone is in the submarine now except for Locke and Claire, and Sawyer yells “DIVE!” because that is what we all know you do on a submarine, and the submarine dives, and Claire is like “PALS!!?!!” and Locke is like “Don’t worry, Claire, you don’t want to be on that submarine.”
Wait, what? Why doesn’t she want to be on that submarine? Jack is trying to save Kate (Let her go, Jack! She’s gone!) and asks someone to get some gauze or something from his bag. But his bag doesn’t have gauze in it. Just bombs. Ah, OK. See, you guys! What did I tell you? “Oh, this smoke monster who is the embodiment of pure evil inhabiting the body of our dead friend is definitely telling us the truth and wants to escape the island with us on a submarine!” GROW UP! And I knew that a smoke monster didn’t need a wristwatch. I knew it! Hey, is Kate dead yet?
So, there is some arguing over what to do about this whole bomb thing. Sayid explains how to defuse it, but it sounds pretty tricky, plus, you know, it’s a bomb.
It’s too bad the part of Sawyer wasn’t played by Dame Jeremy Renner, because then none of this would even be an issue.
Jack frantically tries to explain that the bomb isn’t going to go off because Locke can’t kill them, and that maybe his plan all along has been to get them to kill each other, because it’s only with all of them dead that he can escape the island. Whoa. It turns out Jack isn’t an unshaven bag of dumb after all! But Sawyer refuses to listen to him, and pulls the wires. Fucking Sawyer. He should seriously stick to giving people countryfied nicknames, and leave the hero business to the heroes! So, now the timer is going so fast. And Sayid tells Jack that Desmond is in a well and that he is going to need Desmond. “What?” Jack says, as usual. “Because it’s going to be you, Jack,” he says. (“It was always you!” he says in my imagination.) And Sayid grabs the bomb and runs deep into the submarine. And then all the telephones in the world ring in unison.
Wait, so does this mean that when Sayid was brought back to life in the Temple and everyone thought he was evil, that he actually was good masquerading as evil? And people had to think he was actually evil in order to force him onto evil’s team so that he could do good? But you’d think Smoke Monster would be kind of sensitive to those kinds of shenanigans. And speaking of Smoke Monster and his rival, the Ghost of Jacob sure got quiet. He was so chatty at the beginning. Hurley couldn’t get that guy to shut up! Oh, whoops, sorry, look at me going on and on while THE SUBMARINE IS SINKING!
And what happens next, well. You know. Frown Town. Sun is trapped by some metal. Jack sends Hurley out with Kate, while he and Sawyer and Jin try to rescue Sun. Then Sawyer gets hit in the head by some shit. Just leave him, seriously. It’s his fucking fault. Jack and Jin try to out-hero each other.
Finally, Jack takes Sawyer, and Jin stays with Sun. Forever.
Whuuuuuuut?!
Oh, and bye, Lapidus!
Chill to the end!
Back in Bizarro LA, Jack finds Locke, who is wheeling himself out of the hospital, and explains that he spent days and days and days prying into Locke’s private life in order to try and convince him again to get some surgery he doesn’t want. Cool. Mr. Cool Doctor.
“Thanks, doctor. You’re the best.” — All of Jack’s Patients
It turns out that the multi-verse accident that crippled Locke was a plane crash (A PLANE CRASH!) that he caused, which also caused his father irreparable brain damage. Aww. So he doesn’t want the surgery, because he doesn’t want to forgive himself for what he did. But Jack wants him to forgive himself, because Jack can’t forgive himself, and it’s all fine and well, but when is someone going to FEEL IT?! WHY ISN’T ANYONE FEELING IT?! Locke wheels away. Jack stands there like a dope. Oh well. Where’s Desmond? Desmond, you’re going to have to hit everyone with your car again.
Back on the island, Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Hurley have made it to the beach. Everyone asks Jack where Sun and Jin are. As usual, no one asks about Lapidus. R.I.P. Lapidus. Maybe you will get more respect from the angels. (Hey, here’s a quick question: where is Miles? He is with Ricardo Alperto, right? Well where are they?) Anyway, Jack tells them that Sun and Jin are gone. And then the acting begins.
Acting aside, it is sad! Sun and Jin! (And Lapidus! Never Forget!) Admittedly, it was a little weird how in a moment of incredible crisis, when they were about to die together in a tragic accident (and willingly orphan their child?), they refused to stop practicing their English. “I love you! May I have an Orangina?” Look, if you’re going to spend the money on the Berlitz tapes, you have to make the effort. Meanwhile, Locke is staring out over the water. He knows that the submarine has sunk, and that some people are dead. But not all people! Claire asks him where he is going. “To finish what I started,” he says. BUT HOW DO YOU FINISH BEING A JERK?
Next week: A Jacob vs. The Man in Black episode? So, the best kind of episode?
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The lazy Lapidus exit has got to be my biggest disappointment with this show, at least Sayid went out like a badass.
THERE IS NO SAYID
There never was.
Jack delivering that line was… THE BEST.
Why does this have to be explained? Really, Hurley?!? Did you not notice that a bomb just went off IN Sayid’s hands? Hurley wants to go back for pieces of Sayid, but has no thoughts on where Lapidus might be.
We didn’t actually see Lapidus’ corpse or see him blow up, so he might be ok, right everyone? RIGHT???
I think he’s okay.
upvotes for the reassurances. Lapidus will always be laconically flying airplanes in my heart.
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I didn’t mean to come off as a hater. I loved me some Lapidus too! But honestly. What did he do? He served the same function to the plot as Sun’s temporary loss of English speaking!
“LAPIDUS NOOOOOOOO!” -Me sitting on my bed surrounded by Milano cookie crumbs.
Me too, but minus the cookie crumbs. I was eating a tuna sandwich and drinking green tea.
Me three, on my couch drinking an Asahi (fancy!). I was genuinely concerned when Franky Chesthair went down, but mostly laughing and making inappropriate jokes as Sun and Jin died. Does that make me the worst?
Actually, in the interest of full disclosure, I was on my fold-out couch bed, not my real bed, because I like to fall asleep in front of the TV sometimes and my couch is too short to sprawl out on unless I fold it out. Also, it wasn’t Lost, it was Dynasty. And it wasn’t last night, it was 1983. And also, I wasn’t me, I was Galactus.
Actually, I lied. This all happened in space and it wasn’t Dynasty, it was a supernova. The sandwich was actually two planets squashed flat into bread shapes and all the Tunafolk of Tuna Persei 8 had been slaughtered and mulched to compose the filling, to slake my terrible craving for tuna. They still sing songs about that blood-drenched day on Salmon Persei 9…. But there was no green tea, I lied about that too.
As I gazed deep into the boiling heart of the supernova I realised that, in truth, we were the same. Like me, the supernova was driven outward – to expand and devour – by blind, ignorant necessity, and like me, it was powerless to deny the physical forces woven into its very nature. However, unlike me, the supernova was not cursed with consciousness. It would never have a similar epiphany thrust upon it, wherein it recognized itself in me, and at the moment of that thought’s dawning the Tunafolk in my mouth turned to ash and I screamed, “LAPIDUS NOOOOOOOO!” My wife turned and gave me a funny look.
Actually, I lied. I’m not married.
Ladies?
It’s comments like these that make the comments section SO WORTH IT on VideoGum.
I think we have the same couch.
(in reply to Krakatoa, why is there no reply button under your comment?)
I devoured it, obvs. (Real answer: no idea. There’s no reply button after your comment either.)
Thanks KajusX & Chainsaws. You are worthwhile too.
I’m fully expecting Lapidus to return, perhaps in the last episode, and be all “You guys are a bunch of assholes.” End series.
I’m expecting him to walk up to the rest of them while they’re discussing some new stupid plan in the finale and casually say “hey guys, what’d I miss?”
For realz for a minute….we haven’t seen Lapidus in sideways world. Just sayin.
i think he’s OK too, because in the far off future (21st century), teenagers will evoke is name as a part of the very cool expression, “zetus lapidus!”
I was waiting for a Lapidus corpse shot. Didnt get one. I hope he made it.
Look, we all know the only reason Lapidus has lived this long is because they need a character who can fly that plane when people (SOMEONE, at least) finally leave the island. Since that hasn’t happened yet, I don’t think he’s dead. He’ll show up just in time to save the day by piloting that plane, probably with just one arm.
I would prefer it to be a helicopter, and for Claire and baby Aaron to climb aboard. Still holding out hope that Charlie’s death was not in vain.
And it’s a submarine, what respectable submarine does not also include torpedo bays with which to jettison the bomb with?
Yes! Or why did Sayid actually run off with it? The explosion wasn’t that big, couldn’t he have just thrown it down the hall? And closed one of those nice thick hatches?
Sayid wanted Locke to kill him because no longer “felt it,” the “it” being anything at all.
So he took the ball and ran with it. Is that how that analogy works?
I teach at a drop-out recovery high school and started last night’s episode during lunch period. I only got as far as the discovery of the bomb and lunch ended! I was worried sick and my students noticed so I explained that there was this submarine with all these people on it! And that there was a bomb! And I didn’t know what would happen! They had the exact same idea.
And then I came home and Awesome-O pulled the wires and the digital wristwatch entered the speed force and I was like “awww, duck” except no one minded that I actually swore because I was watching it by myself.
I am pretty sure he can turn into pure energy and escape the sub, no problem.
I heard that will be in the special edition. You know, the re-release? when George Lucas thinks about the poor cgi in the beginning of the season and redoes the effects? and throws in lots more “WALT!”s? and this time Kate will shoot at Han Solo first?
I fully expected Lapidus to show up on the beach after the sub sank and fire off a one liner.
“Craziest sub ride I’ve ever been on.”
I can’t tell you how much this means to me right now.
“Awe, HELL.”
Out of everyone on that sub, I was the most saddened by Lapidus. Like others have said, we didn’t see a corpse shot, but we also didn’t see an escape shot, and he wasn’t on the beach, which is when I lost it. “Awe, c’mon!! LAPIDUS!!! NOOOOO!!” Similar things have already been expressed.
I’m not too on board with the interview the LOST creators gave about last night’s episode either- “We did this so everyone will know that no character is safe!!! The MIB is definitely the main bad guy!”
I already knew both those facts- No deaths-of-Sayid-Jin-Sun-Lapidus-several-of-Widmore’s-redshirts-and-a-submarine-crew involved. Throughout this season I would tense up at certain shots because I was afraid a character I really liked was going to get taken out by surprise- fire arrows, bullets to the face, etc. Lapidus made me the most apprehensive, because he wasn’t a ‘candidate.’ Neither was Kate, but I never worried about her. I hate her so of course she’ll survive.
Anyway, this massive character removal from the main storyline felt lazy. They didn’t take away anything really because we’re still seeing the characters in the sideways-reality (except LAPIDUS, which someone mentioned!), and I was already aware they could kill off everybody.
Oh, well. Bring on the MIB Vs. JacobTthroughout the Ages episode…
*No deaths-of-Sayid-Jin-Sun-Lapidus-several-of-Widmore’s-redshirts-and-a-submarine-crew NECESSARY.
Not ‘involved’. I got confused and forgot the correct word to use while writing.
When Lapidus died, I was like: “eh, ok.” Not because I didn’t care, but because I thought that would be the best way to honor him. Chill to the end.
Nice. Good call, whoa! I was way too wound up and clinging to the edge of my seat to have been so Lapidus/Zen-like. Kudos to you, sir.
After that port hole window struck him and the water gushed in all I could think was “If that’s the end of Lapidus, then his final words were a pop-culture Nick Nolte line.”
“We did this so everyone will know that no character is safe!!!” is totally Joss Whedon’s reason for killing Wash, and I don’t like that reasoning at all.
05/04/2010
NEVER FORGET
This was me last night:
I did enjoy the bit where Jin’s speech was garbled by the water pouring over his face. Method.
“I blarble love blarble you!”
i also love how, in their time of tragedy, they suddenly remembered that they speak korean. sad times!
Those better be talking bubbles, Jin.
here you go Jack:
I would be extra careful if I was Hurley and Miles the next few days. They are the last two non-caucasians still chillaxing on fun times Island.
ETHNIC CLEANSING!
I wish Claire would ethnic cleanse her hair, BUH-ZING-O
All the upvotes.
Lost has always been rough on yer non-whites, but last night really cleared the decks for the finale. Soon, Miles won’t need to concentrate to talk to dead people and we’ll be down to three white people and their non-threatening pal Hugo.
You are forgetting Rose!
Dead and blissfully moldering beside her husband’s also-moldering remains at this point in time!
I will actually be annoyed if it’s not them.
Rose and Bernard are living with Vincent in a little cabin. They made the conscious decision to take themselves out of the drama. It was a good decision.
Frank Lapidus leaves this Island the same way he came — wicked wit and an amazing chest rack.
He died as he lived: trapped under a blown out hatch door in a destroyed, sinking submarine.
Royal Tennenbaum would be proud of that epitaph.
So, is LA X Claire gonna be like, not pregnant in the mirror?
I can’t wait until NEXT EPISODE when Miles finally talks to the TWO DEAD BODIES IN THE CAVE RIGHT? Mortal MIB/Jacob fo sho.
Widmore’s really running a shoddy operation, methinks.
“Hey, here’s a quick question: where is Miles? He is with Ricardo Alperto, right? Well where are they?”
And BEN! Where the fuck is Ben? Seriously, I hope this show wraps up with him regaining his status as bad mother fucker.
ben? ben who?
BEN DOVER!
/love damon
I told you guys last week, we can expect that Miles is off with Richard and Ben, and he’s probably doing this-
Jack’s Head Nodding Extreme Sadness Closeup Acting was the best of the night.
MLIJHNESCA
I was so mad that Sun didn’t say, “You have to live for our daughter! Go!” Nope, she’ll figure stuff out on her own. Hey, maybe Claire can raise her, right?
This.
Ugh, instead it was all “I’ll never let go Jin…I’ll never let go.” Vomit.
Yeah. I think the writers are getting pretty lazy near the end (throughout the whole series? season 3 anyone?). Um, let’s just recycle Titanic, except they both die!
I was wondering this too. How irresponsible. I did read an interview today with Damon & Carlton that implied this might be addressed later? Because they are all about tying up loose ends.
Later as in the post-finale Jimmy Kimmel special? Or later in the tell-all memoir they’ll release ten years from now: Gotcha.
I’m wondering if maybe “Kwon” on the list refers somehow to their daughter, so she will be coming up again? Since they made such a big deal about not knowing which “Kwon” was a candidate (and we all just naturally assumed it had to be Jin and Sun)…
She and Aaron have been burrowed away in Claire’s Crazy-Wig.
where’s my chippy?
I would watch the LOST tv movie of this.
Seriously. I barely had time to register that Sun and Jin were BOTH killed off because I was still waiting around for Sun to be like (in English…seriously, did they both forget that their first language is Korean?), “Hey, you know we have a kid, right? Maybe you should leave me and go take care of her.” And then that didn’t happen and all we had was the Titanic “I’ll never let go!” hands…letting go. And I was like, wait, really? It didn’t really hit me until Hurley’s [ACTING!!] sobs (OK, that gets me every time.)
SORRY ORPHAN CHILD!
Well, we know Sun wasn’t going to say “but what about our child?” because she already dumped her baby to take a magic plane to magic island to find her magically-maybe-not-dead-yet husband.
I have to say, this does not bother me. But I don’t have kids of my own and, Jacob willing, won’t. I feel like it’s mostly the mommies and daddies of the world that are saying “but what about the kid?” while folks like me go “*sigh,* romantic lurve!”
“His name is John Cooper.” Actually, his name is Anthony Cooper.
“Kate — you’re horribly wounded! There’s no way you can make it to shore alone! You know who should be put in charge of swimming for both of you? Hurley. Hurley is the best possible choice on this submarine of people who can swim quickly while carrying someone else.”
Buoyancy, yo.
(Not questioning his floating ability so much as his “open-water swimming while dragging someone else” ability, but yes, you’re right, he may have heretofore-unmentioned Hasselhovian water-rescue skills.)
What was so weird about the Kate being shot thing was that it looked like the wound went right through her heart, and then Jack says “oh, it looks like the bullet went right through.” So does that mean Kate is heartless?
Like seriously, how was she okay?
To me it looked more like it went through her shoulder. But then, that’s a fatal shot in the tv world, so yes, she should have died instantly.
seriously, the heart is much lower than you think. remember that the next time you want to shoot someone in the heart.
And apparently she stopped bleeding once she emerged from the water, because when she stumbled upon Jack and Sawyer there wasn’t even a hole in her shirt, let alone blood.
“i understand physics.”
-tkc, Ph.D. in underwater physics
“And then finally, blessedly, in a rare act of charity, someone shoots Kate.”
Amen
I literally got off the couch and yelled, “DIE, BITCH!” And then I was severely disappointed when she continued to live. I think if Jack tells her, “Go, Kate!” *Kate looks at him, frozen in fear* Jack, “KATE!!! GO!!!” Then maybe, just maybe, she will die.
You seem angry
Okay, I said this last night in chat, but SO SELFISH, JIN!
“I will kill myself so you don’t have to die alone, despite the fact THAT WE HAVE A FULLY ALIVE CHILD TO RAISE. This makes sense. Too much sense.”– Dr. Jin-Soo Kwon, PhD, Family Ethics/Logic.
To be fair, I’m pretty sure the kid thinks her dad is already dead. So, it’s probably less scarring this way anyways.
Heaven just got a little bit more Margaritaville.
Also, I’m pretty sure that the woman grinning at Jack in the nursing home was Kathy Geiss’s long-lost twin sister.
Agreed– if you paused it you could see she had a pocket watch in her mouth.
Did anyone else get a kick out of the super nice bamboo staircase on the side of the plane?
I totally did! I was all like, “Good work guys, great use of time.”
Yeah who even built that? Was that done just so that it would be easier to carry C-4 inside?
I immediately thought, ‘It’s a trap!’
Hey alright I was the first of my friends to like this!
I loved the Jack and Rose* “I’ll never let go!” moment.
*Not the LOST characters
I’m so sorry. “I’ll never steal comments again ambarella…I’ll never steal comments again…”
Here’s a mystery I’m sure they will explain…How in the world does the smoke monster, who is hundreds of years old, rig a watch as a timer to 4 blocks of C4??? My parents still don’t know how to use cell phones!
“Here’s a mystery I’m sure they will explain…How in the world does the smoke monster, who is hundreds of years old, rig a watch as a timer to 4 blocks of C4??? My parents still don’t know how to use C4!”
-what i thought you were going to say
Now we’ve seen Rose and Bernard in the flash sideways, are they still on the island in original timeline? Last I remember seeing them was in the 70′s. Did they get jumped back to present day like everyone else?
They probably flashed like everyone else, but I imagine true to their wishes in the s5 finale, they are spending their days playing fetch with Vincent and staying out of everything. Which, based on the death toll of this episode, was probably a good call!
I hope they are the Adam and Eve skeletons
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Biggest mystery in Lost. How is everyone so good at remembering their flight number from a plane they took the week before. I’m not sure that I would know the number of a flight when I am in the air let alone a week later.
For serious. American Airline lost my bag on Sunday night, three days ago, and I’ve been on the phone with them dozens of times trying to find it, and then trying to get authorization to replace it when it showed up looking like it got caught in a combine, and I STILL have no idea what the flight number was.
Yeah, while I’m waiting for the freaking plane at the airport, I still have to look at my ticket whenever they call any flight, because I can’t memorize that number for even half an hour.
Prolly American Airlines 815.
We talked about this last week too. I pointed out that they only remembered when Desmond mentioned it, and that they didn’t spontaneously offer “Oh you mean flight 815?” But then fucking Bernard blew this rationale out of the water (pun possibly intended?). I’m going to explain this away by the way he was acting so creepy. Perhaps he has already FELT IT and knows whats up.
I was paying really close attention to that this time and there were like 3 instances of people spontaneously being like “Oh, Oceanic 815?” Another thing about the flight number (my primary obsession with Lost, apparently): Doesn’t a flight number denote a route, not a specific flight on a specific date? So Oceanic 815 would just mean that time of day, from Sydney to LAX, but on a regular schedule, like daily or weekly or whatever. People could be on a flight that has the same flight number but have flown on different days. Augh!
It’s not unrealistic to think that in an alternate timeline for some reason the people who were on that flight seemed to have remembered the flight number because for some reason it seemed signifigant at the time although they had no idea why yet.
Quit it with yr logic!
Man, last night was Sadtown*, for sure. Population: All of us. Does anyone else feel like this season is just being so rushed by the May 22nd (or whatever) deadline Lindelof and Cuse gave ABC when they pitched the show? I feel like it’s so rushed that there are all these holes that they’re creating that they’ll never fill in. Not to mention, that they are seriously cutting down on our grieving time–when are we going to have our ceremonial beach burials?? WHO WILL SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT LAPIDUS??? I would like to say that Lapidus went out in Lapidus style when he saw the pressure of the ocean about to break through the submarine hatch… “Aww hell…” – Frank Lapidus. And then BOOM hatch door to the face!
*not to be confused with ABC’s Happy Town**: Wednesdays 9/8c
** Oh man, THAT SHOW! Woof! (can we please start recapping that?)
May 23rd wondergrrl. Which also happens to be my 21st. To watch the 2 and half hour series finale wasted or not, that is the question.
UHHHH YES. That’s my answer. Being wasted might make it even more of an emotional tearfest–at least in my case… I might just drink to numb the pain of losing Lost.
How is that even a question? You already have to get wasted the day you turn legal, it’s the law, and adding the LOST SERIES FINALE on top? Yeah, you’re gonna be hungover on the 24th.
And also, Lapidus had the best damn chest of salt and pepper hair ever and always knew just the right amount of buttons to leave open on his shirts…. does anyone else have anything they’d like to say at this make believe beach burial for a make believe tv show character that I am grieving IRL?
Lapidus was another red herring, to make us think they were going to leave in the plane all along. Lost has given us many of those over the years. However, I’m crossing my fingers he washes up ashore at the last minute to heriocally fly the plane home.
“I wish you’d believed me” *facepalm*
Locke climbing out of the water: “WET JEANS! Ugh!”
Jesus Christ. Could someone fire a kryptonite bullet at Kate’s heart already? Quit playing games, Lost.
Sorry, Kate! The island has DEFRIENSTERED you.
The island threw her out a window?
LOL shout-out @ defenestration, my favorite
Worst sub disaster ever.
A Jacob/MIB ep might be the best kind to some. To others, only a KATE FINALLY FREAKING DYING episode will do. When is that one happening?
Never, my friend. Freaking never.
WOOF.
Idk, you guys, I felt dirty for most of last night because I was yelling: “LISTEN TO JACK, JACK KNOWS WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT! JACK IS RIGHT, YOU GUYS!” whenever we were in the island*. This is so not my comfort zone. At least I still cheered when Kate got shot, so not all is lost.
So, candidates: it’s pretty much down between Jack and Hurley, right? There’s no way Sawyer wins the chocolate factory, Sawyer is toast.
*Not Sideways LA, Jack there was still wrong about everything.
Jack’s been reading the internet.
Jack: Don’t try and disarm it.
Sawyer: Why the Hell not?
Jack: Locke can’t kill us.
Sawyer: What makes you think that, Dr. Kildaire?
Jack: I read it on Lostpedia.
Hurley: Yeah, but anyone can edit that. You don’t know that it’s right. I mean, they read way too much into everything.
Jack: Just trust me. I also read some spoilers on 4Chan.
Sawyer: Son of a bitch.
Lost had me crying like a little bitty baby last night (though I’m glad you pointed no one mourned Lapidus… except us).
Did anyone else have a problem paying any attention to Jack and Locke’s hospital heart to heart after Sun and Jin’s scene? I’m sorry, but “blah blah bad fathers blah bad sons” pity parties can’t interest me after Jin’s “forever” promises. *Sob*
exactly
lawnmower man can’t catch a break
if you think about it, about half way through season two everyone should have realized that the intent of the show wasn’t to explain anything, and that the entire appeal of it was to tease the audience with a sense of disbelief and make them fervently hope that shit will somehow work out or make sense.
I’VE BEEN HAD!
I’m unclear about Smocke’s water issues. Is a soggy bottom really the thing that keeps him from becoming the monster? IT’S MORPHIN TIME!!! Was it all part of his plan? Can they throw a bucket of mopwater at him and he melts and Jack can keep the ruby slippers?
You just got spoilered by Spagett.
ugh, wrong place!? but i think i like that kind of television. lots. losts.
I have this really good friend, we’ve been buddies since college, and my fiancee and I invite him over to watch Lost with us. I am glad that this is about to end. While generally a mellow and easy-to-get-along-with guy, as soon as Lost begins, he immediately turns into Horatio Caine.
Last night, every time a previous episode was alluded to, he would swivel rapidly on the couch, point at me, snap his fingers and dramatically raise his eyebrows. At several points during last night’s episode, he decided to illustrate his deep intellectual connection with the show’s writers by pointing at the screen for the thirty seconds prior to a revelation and then immediately pump his fist and go “told ya” or “SEE?”. At every commercial break, he’d spend a few minutes detailing ‘what was going to happen next’ and then would punch me in the arm or mutter to himself when his predictions came true.
After the episode was over, my fiancee and I were discussing the plot and he immediately jumped in to blurt “IT’S LIKE THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS AND HE HAS TO WATCH THEM ALL DIE ONE BY ONE”. I still don’t honestly know what that means but I didn’t want to encourage him and prompt any more extended Infowars-caliber Lost rants.
I love this show but I wish it didn’t make people so difficult to watch television with.
We have a “No questions, no comments” rule during Lost. Plus, if anyone asks “Are they still on the island?!?” we can no longer be friends.
Just like Darlton to shoot Kate, let her live, then kill Sayid and Lapidus. Ugh. Do they realize that no one likes Kate, and that she hasn’t done anything interesting or compelling since — at best — Season 2? At least I can take solace in the fact that Kate was probably in an unbelievable amount of pain from the salt water filling her open gunshot wound.
Good episode, regardless. I could tell Locke was in killing mode during his conversation with Jack. He had the same look in his eyes (RAPE!) as when he threw Desmond into the well.
Keep hope alive for the “Down Home with the Nadlers” cooking spin off show on the Food network!!!
Can we talk about for just one second how that five minutes when they’re trying to get out of the zoo cages when Sawyer’s like, “Looks like we’ve come full circle, Freckles” was totally pointless? I’m pretty sure Kate had absolutely zero problems squeezing her skinny arse through through the top of those bar cages a few seasons ago. That whole scene was superfluous and unnecessary.
Kinda like Jack.
Lapidus is still alive, he just got knocked over by the door or whatever. We’ll see him again. No body = no deady. Except Sayid is definitely dead even though we didn’t see him literally blow up M.I.A. ginger-style, because he is Minority Who Gains Redemption By Sacrificing Himself To Save His (White) Friends In A Ridiculous Scenario.
So when they were all walking toward the sub, was anyone else, like, “hey remember that one time when Locke blew up the sub?” Foreshadowing! Sort of?
Man, I really liked Sawyer for a while there, with him and Juliet and being all responsible leader-man in Dharma-ville, but last night’s episode was inexcusable. I hope he gets majorly shunned by the other survivors, or at *least* is utterly guilt-ridden about killing four of the best characters on the whole darn show.
I hope you weren’t mocking In-N-Out Gabe…It’s all LA has going for it. So….delicious….
We have lost a great man tonight.
Frank J. Lapidus…no, CAPTAIN Frank J. Lapidus was not just larger than life. He was larger than life, the universe, and everything combined. Always a giver first and a taker second, Frank Lapidus was a man of little words, but when he spoke, he was sure to bring laughter and amusement to all around him on the desolate island of Lost.
From his very first moments on the island, even the local wildlife, in the form of a cow, was transfixed by Frank’s badassery and manliness. His very beard itself was so powerful it caused the island to move in space and time after Frank left via helicopter. But the island wasn’t done with Frank. In fact, motherfucking Frank wasn’t done with the island.
Returning on his own passenger plane, Frank Lapidus did the impossible. Sully Sullenberger might have landed a plane on the Hudson, but Frank Lapidus landed a plane on a time traveling island where no man had successfully landed such a craft. Upon return, Frank’s manly aura was so powerful it ripped his shirt apart, revealing chest hair so magnificent it made Sun climax on the spot.
But Frank’s power and awe were too much for our world. In the end, it took the full force of the motherfucking ocean itself to kill Frank J. Lapidus. And Frank knew his time had come. Like Jesus, he was prepared to die for the sins of others. He took one look at that breaking door and resigned himself to the fact that his time on our mortal coil had come to a close, and took it like the god damn man he is.
In conclusion, Frank Lapidus was not lost. No, he was just found. His journey has only just begun. He’s not going to Guam, he’s going somewhere us humans cannot even comprehend. And someday, Richard Motherfucking Alpert will die and be right there to wrestle with him amongst the angels.
As Frank would say…this is the weirdest damn funeral I’ve ever been too.
That was AMAZING! Thank you!!!
best in texas – lapidus
Wait, maybe someone pointed this out before but,
I thought Gabe saying “and then all the telephones in the world ring in unison,” was a reference to everyone watching Lost calling their friends and being like “omg did you just see that!”
but upon FURTHER INSPECTION it feels now like it is a reference to The Lawnmower Man, which would make more sense if he put that after noting Lapidus aka Jeff Fahey aka The Lawnmower Man’s (supposed) death. Boil em mash em stick em in a stew
also, thumbs up to everyone in the comments who is all “duh Lapidus is not dead” because duh Lapidus is not gurlgburblburbl
No cheers to you (I am being serious. I = 50% of your upvotes) for actually making me finally realize after like two years of references that Lapidus was the Lawnmower Man. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND? I realize he is probably dead, and that everyone on this show is going to die, but I like[d] Lapidus. And Jin. And Sayid. And Sun. Hell, I was sad when Ana Lucia got popped. Remember how drunk and sad she was? She was just trying to figure out how to be a good person! And then Libby walked in with the blankets! WHY ARE YOU SO AWFUL LOST? WHHHHHHHHHYYYYY.
That first line should be “No, cheers to you” To indicate that I am saying something nice to you. Not “NO CHEERS TO YOU” to indicate that I am a total chotch.
“Despite all his rage, Sawyer is still just a rat in a cage. The island is a vampire.”
Smashing Coconuts
Jack’s son is clearly just hanging out at the hospital, because that is what Jack does with his son when he is busy doing other things.
This entire thread has been a delight.
I’m really very surprised, even disappointed that Kate was shot. I mean, wait.. that no one has made an animated gif of Kate being shot. seriously, do your job, internet.
“I love you! May I have an Orangina?”
That is the most amusing thing ever to me.
Whew! I just jogged here from Sydney, and I have to tell you guys, I am so relieved that we are finally caught up to the same episode as all you LAternative Timeliners! I CAN FINALLY READ GABE’S RECAPS WITHOUT SPOILING EVERYTHING FOR MYSELF!!!! Yay!
So. Am I too late for the discussion? You guys? Hello? We’re all still simultaneously reeling from the loss of Shannon, right? And how crazy was it when that polar bear showed up!?!?! I can’t wait for Season 3 to start over here in Australia! I bet this show gets even CRAZIER…
Well, I think the image below pretty well sums up the feelings of most of us about this episode
Is no one going to address the genius of “The island is a vampire”?! That’s it. Vampire Island. We’re done here.
P.S. I am a longtime VG commenter, and I have been away having a baby (thankyou). I have 245 unread VG posts in my Google Reader. How the hell am I supposed to catch up? Is someone in charge of the VG CliffNotes? Help?
Just read up on the Juggalos and that pretty much will catch you up.
Congratulations on the baby, or as we’d say around here, a Future Monster Hall of Famer.
Can we address how unlikely it is that an unconscious Sawyer wouldn’t have drowned during the swim from the sub to the shore? Dude was out cold, it’s not like he could hold his breath. Hitting your head + being submerged in water = DEATH. I was thinking they would take a page from The Abyss and have Dr. Duh revive him once they got to shore but NOOOOO. He just drags Sawyer’s body out the water and gives him a little pat on the chest and OH LOOK, he’s breathing just fine on his own. No big whoop.
Jack had a breathing apparatus for him
Jack was using the breathing apparatus on himself. And besides, to use those things you have to breathe only through your mouth and clinch your teeth on the mouthpiece to keep any water from coming in. It just wouldn’t be possible for an unconscious person to do this.
The island is not done with him yet, duh.
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When Juliet did the pregnancy tests on Sun it was revealed she was impregnated on the Island, and to be really professor LOST over here, it happened sometime in November ’04. It was made clear that The Island had cured Jin of his infertility.
Justified is one of my new favorite shows, and adding the actor that played Mr. Friendly (M.C. Gainey) to the roster is a good decision in a string of good decisions for that show (Walton Goggins is also a very good decision- he is a stellar performer)
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2wlu1qa.gif[/img]
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*face palm*
So close. So… very… close.
you’re a disaster
I blame you, sir.
MATH IS HARD.
Woof.
I want to paypal Gabe a thousand dollars for this part: “Despite all his rage, Sawyer is still just a rat in a cage. The island is a vampire.” God bless you, you hilarious miserable little Jewish bastard. I salute you for all of the LOLs in heaven. Plus thanks for validating my prediction that you would do a blog post that only proves that this show isn’t very good and that you don’t seem to like it very much if at all. I win again! Yay.
“Just get him in the water, Doc. I’ll take care of the rest”…
“Just get him in the water, Doc. I’ll take care of the rest”…
This is all Kate’s fault! If she didn’t get shot, Jack wouldn’t have gotten on the sub (he never intended to). So the dynamite wouldn’t have gotten on. So they would all be safe and free and nice. How did MiB plan all this so well???