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Due to popular un-demand (un-demand?) we will not be recapping the second season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. And after watching last night’s premiere episode, I’m glad things went the way that they did. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am still in love with Dina, and hope to make her my bride one day just as soon as I get these biceps implants and the Credit Union approves my loan to open a chain of Kosher Tanning Salons. We can give everyone matching DEAD EYES. But how big of a snooze is this show now? It’s 2010, guys. I don’t care about your feud with Danielle, which even a year ago was boring and based on stuff she did in the ’80s. Some of us have found a way to live in the present instead of constantly soaking in a hot tub time machine (now available for pre-order!). And apparently that is the ONLY DRAMA on the whole show? I would literally rather watch Dina’s two cats, Grandma Wrinkles and Ladybug, spreading rumors about each other at the pet groomer’s.
In any case, I did like this part from last night’s episode:
Haha. Aww. It reminds me of my favorite children’s story growing up: The Velveteen Oversized Princess Horse From Some Shitty Street Carnival. Feel free to caption it from the Real Husband of New Jersey’s point of view, OR from the beautiful magical horse’s point of view. OR FROM THE TRASH CAN’S POINT OF VIEW. The winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Mama-mia that’s a spicy special placement!
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Move over “My Little Pony”, time for something meatier
LAW SCHOOL: A Simple Visual Representation
its funny because its final
its no funny because its my life
“I’m a lawyer.”
-Mans
I will never mention it again.
Just joshin’ ya!
The only reason I don’t tell people about my career is because if they knew I was an astronaut/rock star/ninja-vigilante, they might feel bad for being on Videogum all day.
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And I quote from your PUBLIC profile at The SunBreak:
“Steve Winwood is a troll on the Sunbreak and Videogum blogs. He asks that you kindly remember to pay the troll toll.”
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That One: Oh, I know. I enjoy the joshin’. That is by far not the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. Are you listening, Mother?
Asa and Steve: Thanks for the Cashier’s Check of LOLs tucked inside of one of those birthday cards made just for money.
Beautiful Magical Horse: Well, at least there is less trash in here.
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“Well, now I’ve seen everything” – the garbage man.
Yeah, a children’s hospital wouldn’t take that for their toy room at all. Good call.
Tila Tequila’s Gossip Blog Forced To Downsize Staff
The Shirt: “God, I’m terrible.”
Don’t worry. She’s in a better place now.
That video would be so much better in reverse. Can someone make that happen?
to tell you the truth, this isnt the weirdest thing ive thrown away
“All I did was pop my collar”- that pony
this made me tear up. for no reason. i don’t even like horses.
you have a gift, werttrew.
Usually a gif too. (Get it?)
Magic everywhere in that trashcan
It ain’t rape if it’s dead.
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Aren’t we Ignoring Steve Winwood this week? no responses, no votes?
WHAAAAAATTTTT!!!!!??????????
It seemed cruel, but the pony was a gift from Tyra Banks, and we can’t be too careful.
Oddly enough, “Stuffing The Unicorn” is GOOP magazine’s #1 Sexual Position’s To Ensure You Get “Good” Children.
“You think you’re too good for your home, Kesha? I’ll show you a thing or two.”
“The economy is so bad right now even bestiality farms are forced to downsize. Am I right everybody?” – Jay Leno, holding a bag of Doritos(TM).
Whats the Jay Leno/Doritos connection you keep making? Is he into buying expensive, ridiculous, vintage bags of Doritos these days? Cool Hobby.
He used to do lots of Doritos commercials and Bill Hicks made some funny jokes about it. Go buy some Bill Hicks on some compact discs if you don’t believe me. Best comedy investment you can make today, friend.
Amen. Bill Hicks is a personal hero of mine.
Something something something pink in the stink.
That’s the last time I take Roman Polanski’s advice. A pink pony makes ANYTHING better my ass!
Jesus Christ A.J., when I said “send him a message, put a horse in his bed”, that’s not what I meant!
How many horses is he going to stuff into that thing? Must be bottomless.
It looks like there is a dog leg sticking out of the trash can before he stuffs the horse in.
It is a known fact that all New Jersey natives have an open hatred for any magical or fantasy creatures because it reminds them that there is a beautiful, clean world of forests and rainbows somewhere beyond the trash heaps and landfills they live on top of.
Some would justify North Jersey’s rustic scenery as such. Or maybe they justify it as that because it’s really hard to find anyone but white people up there? Hunh. Food for thunkin’.
“This is the last time I let my wife decorate for a Kentucky Derby party”
Real Housewives: now literally beating a dead horse.
Can a thing truly be dead if it was never truly alive? I speak, of course, of both the show and the horse. Metaphors! Unintentional rhymes!
Jeez, I didn’t believe in the Downvote Troll, but he/she is certainly real!
They say it only shows up during contests, looking to kidnap good little comments and steal all the upvotes for itself!
Oh my GOD!! It’s coming this way!
Why’d you have to throw that away, I was playing with it
-Birdie
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Ten minutes earlier on the phone with customer support: “No, I ordered the friggin’ Ed Hardy pony not the pink one! My little girl has class!”
That’s what happens when you buy a “real doll” from Craigslist.
“Stupid fuckin’ BEAR”
Well, this won’t be the gayest thing I’ve had in me – trashcan.
or the pinkest.
“This stuffed unicorn is a nice change from all these Ke$ha CDs” – That Trashcan
Oh, it’s not a unicorn? I don’t think I can comprehend that.
It was a unicorn, but it was poached for its horn, as many of the indigenous people in this godforsaken part of the world hold on to the primitive belief that ground unicorn horn increases muscle mass and sexual prowess. Sadly, the rest of this endangered animal is usually simply discarded.
This isn’t just a caption, and apologies for the lack of a joke, but who the hell just throws a perfectly good stuffed horse in the garbage?
“I’m living below the poverty line, my school is crumbling along with my community, and my mom said that the only thing Santa can afford to bring this year is my sister’s medication. Do you think that maybe I could just have the horse, sir?”
- little offscreen girl
I don’t know what that first “just” was doing there. I didn’t mean to imply that this is something greater than a caption. Wow. That sounds arrogant.
It’s hard to expect people as unbalanced as this to think of others:
No wonder why those horse riding lessons were so cheap.
The material from that pink horse could clothe those poor children that Gabe always shows whenever things need to be put into perspective. Some nice tailor-made pink member’s jackets with poofy, white fur trim.
Recycling = The Best
Exclusive surveillance footage of what the Videogum Monsters did to Steve Winwood’s favorite stuffed pony after he dared make a harmless joke about Gabe’s dog.
You still haven’t explain what the joke was in insulting Birdie!
YOU haven’t explained how stuffing my favorite stuffed pony in to the garbage is a joke
…But I have to admit, this did make me chuckle.
i thought we were just going to ignore him. leave is stuffed dreams alone guys. <-4serial
shut up mr. hausfrau.
WWWWWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!??????
How to make it in videogum:
-Love Lost
-Love Birdie
-Love Topher
-”Love” Steve Winwood
I forgot this:
#teamstevewinwood
The Real Children of New Jersey say:
A man wearing a shirt takes a large pink stuffed pony and stuffs it into the garbage.
Well, I’ll vote you up for accuracy.
Upvote him for being “literally” funny
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/529003
Guy: Down with the bourgeousie! Vive la revolution!
Pink Pony: I held it truth, with him who sings
To one clear harp in divers tones,
That ponies rise on stepping stones
Of their dead selves to higher things.
Trashcan: *sob* You taste beautiful…
bourgeoisie. Fuck!
Beat you to it, Winwood.
Sir Wildwood needed a new horse, to match his new Great Sword. A blue horse, perhaps. Or one made of pig carcasses. But not this girly pink horse. Great Sword or not, the other knights would only point and laugh, as they always had.
PROSTITUTION HORSE!
Tons and tons of LOL’s
In a subtle show of solidarity for Nick Madson, AJ works his favorite Carrot Top bit on to the air.
I have to say, all of these are winners. All of them. Great work!
“Fake and Gay.” -Trash Can
You can only throw away stuffed unicorns when you’re not having your period. It could spoil your garbage.
“I don’t know how you magical beasts did things before christ, but THIS is how we do it anno domini BITCH”
On the cutting room floor of the Bravo editing suite: a pan over to a Native American man, with frosted tips, shedding a single tear at the wastefulness of this fine nation.
“Nothing is allowed to be MORE fake than my wifes breasts.”
*Pony looks around in dumpster, finds mix CDs*
“Awesome! Maybe now Norah will find me so I can be in an awful movie rather than this awful TV show!”
~Pony~
Wish you had worked in a graphic reference to the finger banging scene
“You gotta get out of here, suppressed gay desire. Straight in the garbage. We’re gonna be on camera!”
“You like apples? You fuckin’ horse, you like apples? WELL HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?”
(looks around)
“I wish someone had heard me do dat”
Not noted for his ability to pick up on double entendres, Joe wildly misunderstood when his new stylist told him he’d like to see him “put in his big pink stallion into a tight can”.
(sigh…I’m sorry)
The inevitable end result:
Game, set and match. Well done, sir.
I am satisfied.
TWSS
The best. 100% on board with this joke. Next stop- Chucklestown.
YES
Thats so good I saw a youtube clip of Nick Madson holding that picture and explaining the premise
He is actually donating that horse to the homeless orphan who lives in that trash can.
“Oh, that’s one horse I won’t be not throwing out.” (Because it’s in the trash.)
“My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice juiced hot tanned guy and live my life.” – a pink pony named “Snookie” 20 mins before this scene.
Mounds of trash continue to pile up in across New Jersey; Guido’s that is, not garbage.
…and that’s how the cast of Jersey Shore was made.
“Welllllllllllllllllllllllll, that’s a horse of a different color”
A man died of internal injuries from sex with a stallion at a ranch used by a bestiality ring, police in the northwestern United States state of Washington said on Monday.
In related news, we have a .gif of a man trying to shove a horse in his can.
that’s really no way to treat Mrs. Hands.
This reminds me of the time my Dad took a chainsaw to my bike, literally (and figuratively!) destroying my childhood. True story!