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Beyonce’s new music video, “Why Don’t You Love Me?”:
First there was “Ring the Alarm,” and then there was “Irreplaceable,” and now “Why Don’t You Love Me?” You guys, I am worried about Beyonce! She has some very low self-esteem, some very high abandonment issues, and a very yikes persecution complex. This guy knows what I’m talking about:
You need some help, gurrrrrl!
And this guy knows what that guy’s talking about:
Sigmund Freud is right, gurrrrrrrrrl!
AND THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT:
I’m Dr. Giggles.
I’m sure that being super-rich, super-famous, and super-married to Jay-Z comes with its own set of problems, but how many cries for help have to hit #1 on the Billboard R&B charts before she realizes she can’t do this on her own?! It’s called the talking cure, Beyonce, not the HIT SINGLES CURE. (Oof. Put me to sleep, doctors.)
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MK Ultrastar, ferreals yo.
But she, along with her friends Kelly and Michelle, is also a survivor and a soldier
I’m pretty sure that in the Telephone video she finally let her freak flag fly, but she had to play like it was an act, and it is destroying her.
i just didn’t see Telephone as being that freaky though.
She’s pretty.
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What? She is pretty.
I know right? What is this crazy world where people don’t think Beyonce is pretty? Would you rather this:
This picture works in any context. ANY!
That picture is gross
She’s suffering from an acute case of Glitter Mariah Carey-itis with emerging symptoms of Sexy Housewife syndrome.
I thought she was crazy in love withach Zach Galifianakis?
Very convincing. When I think of Beyonce, I think of a modest homemaker who is starved for attention from men. She’s really playing into her image.
I know! That or type-cast as the unglamorous, mousy secretary that just can’t find a man to love her.
Or someone who wants to sleep with Austin Powers
I hear she’s playing Blanche in an upcoming revival of Streetcar, opposite the raw sexuality of Jonah Hill.
For a second there I thought you were going to say Blanche from Golden Girls. Whew! Close call!
Mo’ money, mo’ man problems, Gabe.
I don’t love you because you burned the roast, duh. Also, the bathing in the sink thing is kind of weird.
Beyonce’s got 99 problems, and men are all of them.
This is more of a question I would expect Tila Tequila to ask.
I’m not worried about her. You gotta live the ups and downs. Freud also said:
“A certain degree of neurosis is of inestimable value as a drive, gurrrrrl!”
and
“Every normal person, in fact, is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent. Except Dr. Giggles, he’s just fuckin’ crazzzzzy.”
Weird, I just watched Darkman last night for the first time in 15+ years. Whatever happened to Larry Drake? He was awesome. Anyone want to Google Larry Drake for me?
Somebody caught up on the third season of Mad Men.
Did anyone else think that the first “this guy” was going to be Coppercab?
Does Beyonce REALLY want to know why I don’t love her? Because I just happen to have a list right here…
I think the more important question is “why did I watch this?”
Did that kitchen have a gas or electric stove? If it’s gas, I’m calling my realtor.
Let’s hope gas (suicidal-housewife! themes!)!
She’s totally hot boxing that cig.
I wouldn’t love my girlfriend, either, if she engaged in such a profligate use of olives.
This song is a bit of a bore but these are easily my favorite outfits my girl Beyonce (we’re from the same town so we default to being each others’ girl) has every put on her smokin’ bod.
This video is awesome to look at.
gossipgum: maybe she’ singing about jay-z’s affair with rihanna.
I can’t get Cruel Summer out of my head for whatever reason.
Someone’s been sipping too much of that Gaga.
i don’t worry about beyonce. i think this was a just an excuse to dress up in cute 60s “housewife” clothes and dance around with a bette paige hair-do. which, um, is totally normal and we have all done that, right?
This song had a crazy case of disco fever. What’s the word for when you’re confused about what time period you’re in?
Are you thinking of an anachronism?
Stratego.
Is the the prequil to Telephone (i’ve heard there is to be a trilogy)? Maybe establishing why sad tranny housewife with a substance abuse problem needs to putz around with lady gaga? i bet GaGa will finish things up with her mighty Squeaquel.
I dislike Beyonce just as much as the next person who dislikes Beyonce, but dayuuum gurrrrll, I wish I looked like that when I wear my retro pinup girl swimsuits and do house work!
“Um… Ms. Knowles, there isn’t any film in these cameras…”
“SHUT UP, THIS IS MY MUSIC VIDEO NOW!!!!” *real tears*
Sometimes a sad cry for help is just a sad cry for help.
Come ON, everyone, this is so much more interesting than another space diva thing. Plus (GIRLTALK AHEAD) I am SO ON BOARD with the seafoam nailpolish trend that’s going on right now. And I want all of her lingerie. And those LIME GREEN HEELS? Shit. Those rule.
Phew! Sorry about that. farts and dicks!
no but seriously, I want everything shes wearing in this video.
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Larry+Drake
This was supposed to be a reply to hotspur but apparently my computer hates me
Betty Draper gets it.
Everything about this video just melted my brain into three words: “Dayum” and “Fucking love.” Retro Beyonce Barbie is awesome! Mommy, can I get one? With the martini glasses, too!