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Tila Tequila has started a new celebrity gossip blog. Which makes sense, because as she points out in this video, she has been in this industry 10 years now (whatever “this industry” means). It sounds really neat and interesting!
“It is amazing how you only need one take to get this perfect. We definitely shouldn’t reshoot anything.”
–The Director of This Video
“Doctor, someone has taken all of the Visible Illiteracy Pills!”
–A Nurse on the Set of This Video
Tila Tequila is definitely the new Sugar Slam. Other things Tila Tequila is:
- Your girlfriend
- CGI
- Functionally retarded
Good list! Definitely worth a jump. (Blog talk for the blog heads. Blogs blogs blogs. Hi, Tila! I can’t wait to share links with you!) I have definitely bookmarked this wonderful new site (no, I haven’t) because I can’t wait to hear what a delusional beast made from 80% recycled plastic has to say about Nick Lachey! (Yes, I can. I can wait forever.)
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“Pow! Bam! Boom!” — Tila Tequila, 1981-2012.
re: “this industry”: I think the word you’re looking for is “prostitute”? Does that sound right?
I think she means “starting a MySpace page.”
I also think she should have her own designation on the LGBT continuum, something like “fake breast opportunistic bisexuality.” Er, LGBTFBOB?
Is Myspace ten years old?? I thought it was started in like 2003 or something.
I don’t think so, but didn’t she get “A Shot of Love” because she had the most MySpace fans? And don’t massive silicon implants warp space-time such that you experience time 1.25xs faster than normal humans?
Well she is a fan of exaggeration. As those same silicon implants can attest.
Come on, Guys. She’s including the first 3 years she was on Friendster.
Industry = the manufacture and export of yuck and weapons-grade viruses.
She’s counting the years working fries at a Hardee’s in northern Arkansas.She learned many dark and juicy secrets there which she will be sharing at her new blog http://www.misstiladroppedherretainerinthegreasetrap.net.
this Barbie live action movie is looking worse and worse
Here I was thinking that Ke$ha was the original perpetually drunk possibly mentally handicapped blonde creature drooling all around FameLand. I don’t know how I forgot about Ms. Beverly Hills Chihuahua herself.
To say Tila Tequila is functionally retarded is an insult to all retardedkind.
That is some very un-PC terminology, but I will educate rather than take offense. We prefer the term Geistig-Behindertekin. It makes us sound like forest gnomes and we like to wear pointy forest gnome hats.
Upvote! Upvote!
Is “Geistig-Behindertekin” German for Justin Bieber? Because that’s what came out of my mouth when I tried to pronounce it.
I don’t know, but don’t ask him (because he doesn’t know what German is).
This is easily an epic revenge story of Kill Bill proportions.
Dear Tila:
I want you to interview the Boston Strangler.
Thank you.
-Nick Madson
Hey, what’s up with Nick Lachey?
This week- Nick Lachey stays out of it yet again
Stay out of it, Nick Lachey
plagiarist commenter
calling people out on their plagiarism is not your commentator meme so stop it
“it’s my site, so i can get naked if i want” – Gabe
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
This monster does NOT speak for the rest of us, Gabe. Amiright?
Uh, anybody?
ok, sorry, Gabe. Put your pants back on….*
*TWSS
my favorite part is when she clears her throat!
my favorite part is when she swallows JUST KIDDING
She’s gross.
You’re gross.
Off topic:
Are you ready for Lost tonight Winwood?
What are your predictions for tonight’s episdoe?
My prediction is it’s going to be boring and as usual Gabe will do a recap that I think captures a lot of whats wrong with the show but no one will hate on him for not liking the show, the way everyone likes to hate on me for the exact same thing. If you actually read Gabe’s posts you will see that he doesn’t really seem to like the show that much. And he’s right.
I’m sorry if you think we have treated you unfairly Uncle Winwood. If you created something with the effort that Gabe puts into his recaps maybe you’d be morel liked. I love you anyways.
Group HUG!
I don’t know I sort of feel bad for Sugar Slam. She just seems like a girl who made a couple bad decisions. Tila seems like a grade A psychoc**t.
I really don’t see what Sugar Slam did to deserve this kind of treatment. Sugar Slam is several huge steps up from Tila Tequila. This post’s title reads to me like a sideways hit piece on our favorite Juggalette, and I am saddened by it.
Whenever I am confronted with Tila Tequila, I always wonder how she reached this nadir (vocab word!) of pathetic grossness. As a child, did she ever have goals? Did she ever imagine her future? Did she ever dare to dream of maybe, one day, becoming the first female president of the United States? Did society pressure her into giving up a life of scholarly pursuits, in exchange for the cheap, superficial buzz of lots of strangers seeing her tits on Myspace?
Or maybe she was just born a complete idiot. And then did a lot of drugs/alcohol.
I guess in this blogocracy every idiot has their day?
It took me way too long to realize that this wasn’t actually a CGI animation.
I hope other celebrities that start narcissitic video blogs don’t model their air-punching sound effects off Sugar Slam.
I wish they’d use the tactical response solutions guy’s sound effects.
“Peh! Ooom! Pam! Poo! I’m touching the face all up in this bitch!”
First you think to yourself “Whatever, Tila Tequila has a blog, it will be campy and silly, whatever”. Then you go to the site and see its headline: We need to forgive Chris Brown today!! Wow, just……… wow. She is giving Gwyneth Paltrow a run for her money for the title of Queen of All Worst
Next weeks topics: “Chillin’ With Michael Lohan” and “Tea Party Wet T-Shirt Contest!”
I don’t think pop culture can take this much stupid-heroin. I think we are about to find pop culture mildew-pale, emaciated, toothless, comatose and tossed from a speeding car in skivvies and a trenchcoat onto the sidewalk in front of a hospital door at 4 am on a Sunday.
“Maybe this is a blessing,” I will whisper. “Maybe this time, pop culture has learned its lesson.”
You do realize that the edits mean there were parts/iines/takes that didn’t make the cut. AHEM.
or maybe vagina flies were swarming the lens.
ewww… that is gross.
Vagina flies….
upvote
-me
Be careful everyone! If you are mean to her she will definitely put all your deep, dark secrets on this blog that everyone will be reading! I warned you! She has the power!
Yes, revenge is the best reason to start a top-notch gossip site. Also, can’t wait to see which “big celebrities” she’s going to interview! Fingers crossed one of them is Steven Baldwin!!!
Is she going to gossip about all the hers with hepatitis.
My favorite part is when she blows us a kiss and magically creates a Tila Tequila doppelgänger.
That is a good trick!
If you see your own doppelganger, aren’t you supposed to kill it?
Per Timecop, you’re not supposed to touch it, which she gets dangerously close to doing here. Time-crisis avoided.
Uh… I think Tila should be limited to one… or less.
Actually this is her doppelganger:
Pretty sure both wear diapers and would have no qualms about ripping a bitch’s face off.
Is her face that shiny on purpose or by “accident”?
That’s her full-body perpetual lube. A ho is always ready.
ewwwwwwwww
I’m insulted this woman rose to fame given that she’s Asian and stole an amazing Mexican porn star name from some poor, up-and-coming migrant porn star out there.
She should be “Tila Sake” or “Tila Rice Wine”, that would be more logical…
“Tila Bún chả” has quite a ring to it.
I think Joe Mande should take one for the team and try to win that contest.
Also, something’s wrong with Tila’s subject/verb agreement. “… there has been many celebrities…”
Though, my only REAL gripe with this clip is that when she looked up to clear her throat (thank goodness they didn’t cut that out, as it’s integral to comprehending the full meaning of this video) she didn’t tear up and get emotional.
T14TT Joe Mande living like a celebrity. Yes please.
This video makes my brain and my imaginary boobs hurt.
Her imaginary boobs too.
No hotspur, her imaginary BRAIN!
So I followed the link, which is my own fault. I knew what I was getting in to. But seriously, I think I am at least 15% dumber now than I was before visiting that vomitous waste of webspace. And now it is time for brain bleach.
Yuck. She’s giving the rest of us Filipino slutbags a bad name!
You’re in the clear- she’s a Vietnamese slutbag, not Filipino.
Tila Tequila has become Brittney Spears circa pink wig 2007-08. BTW, did anyone actually go to her celebrity blog? Today is Forgive Chris Brown Day!!!!! Whaaaaaaa? Yes Pink Wig Brittney wants us all to forgive Chris Brown for that whole “assault” unpleasantness thing and to forgive him for singing the national anthem at the Mayweather ….yes….you guessed it….boxing fight.
Remember when she was hooking up with Billy Corgan? I used to think, ‘yeah right…she can do so much better’….and then I saw this video. She really can’t.
tell me you’re confusing her with Jessica Simpson.
I went to that nightmare of a website and tried to share the link on facebook and facebook was like “NO.” I don’t think it was a random error.
Here is a sample of the type of quality information you can find there:
“Ok Ok, I know all these freakin’ pregnancy shit is all over the place but I have already cleared that shit numerous of times on MAINSTREAM MEDIA! So if you missed it, your loss so stop whining about it and get with the dam program! No I am no longer pregnant and after such a traumatic experience with that, you guys scared me shitless to having any children of my own anytime soon! So with that said, boys and girls, eat it up! Cuz MISS TILA will be the Sexy Goddess for quite some time longer! YAY! LMAO! In any case, why am I still under the M.I.L.F. Category?? Cuz I AM THE BOSS AND THIS IS MY BLOG AND THE QUEEN CAN DO AS SHE WANTS!”
Yiiiiikes. Also, what?
I WILL NOW READ TILA’S GOSSIP EVERYDAY,… FOREVER
what the hell happened to her? she looks terrible! she used to look so- oh, wait. she’s always looked terrible.
“I am now your karma” – Shiva the Destroyer/Tila Tequila
so do gabe and tila work in the same “the industry”, cause i dont want to go on her site and basically read the same stories
literally, LOL
“You Can Make It Up: Tila Tequila Reviews LOST”
We’re gonna have contests where I’m going to fly you into town, to L.A., so you can live like a celebrity. And then I’m gonna put YOUR business ALL ON BLAST!
she’s so small…she can probably fit in her own vagina “popple” style…
Her blog makes Perez Hilton read like Hemingway.
I was on Tila Tequila’s wikipedia page, one of the categories she belongs to is “Living People.” Which is a far more interesting article than anything Tila Tequila has ever done. Other living people include, retired swimmer Stefan Aartsen, Canadian singer Lucie Idlout, and former Major League pitcher B.J. Ryan.
Remember when the ASIMO robot tried to climb a set of stairs at a robot show and it tripped and fell down the stairs and curled up into the fetal position because it was programmed to do so when it calculated the parameters for embarrassing itself? That’s what this is.