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We’ve talked about this before, but it bears and will always bear repeating: it’s a dangerous world out there. In the event that you are ever attacked by a slow-moving man with no reflexes wearing an oversized motorcycle helmet for his own protection, you need to know what to do.
Remember: both men and women should watch this video individually, and take their self defense strategies into their own hands. As we can see from the first live reenactment of a barroom attack scenario, if you are talking to some dude at the bar and a slow-moving man with no reflexes wearing an over-sized motorcycle helmet for his own protection walks up and “attacks” the two of you, most likely the dude you were just talking to is going to box his ears, knee his groin, slam his motorcycle helmet into a support beam, and then run out of there as quickly as he can without making sure that you are OK or saying even a single word to you whatsoever. It’s the most efficient way for him to remain SAFE. But, of course, you know that, because you, too, are PREPARED.
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I love how he always has to grab the nearest stable object to propel his scampering even faster.
What the hell did Baba Hall & Oates Booey ever do to that guy?
FAKE! You can’t protect yourself in a fight without a rolled-up newspaper, everyone knows that!
My favorite part: “its just gonna scratch the cornea, probably the most humane thing you can do”. As 20th century social-cultural philosopher P. Oswalt once said: “WHAT!?”
Yes! Always be learning new theories of defense: Your honor, I am innocent of assault, he GAVE me his kneecap, so I just took it.
your honor, I just touched the face
Its good to see Stephen Baldwin working again.
Someone must have finally restored him! No one had realized how easy it would be…
This is a gyp – when does he teach you how to self-defense against an attack by fresh fruit?!
What about pointed sticks?
I like how he looks like a cartoon villain right before he runs away.
The Shorts…THE SHORTS!
Did he just eye-jab someone wearing a helmet?
The Helmet Scenes are the Best parts! (“We have 3 actors and want multiple scenarios, so IDENTITY CONCEALER/PROTECTION UNIT ON”)
Not only that, he also headbutted someone with a helmet. Those things are built to withstand high-speed impact, so yeah, smashing your head against one is probably a good idea. Oh early 90′s, how young and naive you were!
This just makes me want to watch Armand Assante noir-pastiche Fatal Instinct.
That is Your Boyfriend: He will briefly disarm a violent drunk man and flee, leaving you to finish him off. He respects that you are an independent woman who can take care of herself!
I think the whole thing was staged and he was just playing wing man. He needed to find a nonchalant way to leave so that purple shirt guy could make his move.
he totally grabbed the girl by the hand in one of them, and they ran off together. he’s only a douche who leaves a girl to be assaulted 90% of the time.
Aren’t you supposed to wait around after you limply slap some helmeted guy, for the high fives and chest bumping that is no doubt your just reward?
The Commodore 64 music was a nice touch. It perfectly conveys the excitement of a rear head butt groin slap to save “your girl”.
This is equal parts Sandy Bullock in Miss Congeniality and Danny McBride in The Foot Fist Way. And 100% bad advice.
He needs to stop going to that bar.
Last Resort!
I prefer the Bas Rutten method, where you straight up kill your assailant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3K-mrlYG7Y
Every needs to own that video. It shows you the easiest ways to murder people in a bar.
“Danga, ga-danga-da, dang!”- 21st century social-cultural philosopher Bas Rutten
When he defended her from the attacker at the bar, she was smitten. But when he ran away like an 8 year old, her heart belonged to him forever.
Now I know to attack people who approach me peripherally in helmets. CHILDREN INCLUDED!
Don’t approach me from my blindside. No Sandra Bullock.
When do you stop running? Seriously, I groin slapped a guy in 1986 and I haven’t stopped running since then.
The alternate title to this video was: “How to beat up foreigners and get away with it.”
Boom! I hit you in the eye!
Maybe Daft Punk will finally stop hassling me in brightly lit sports bars now!
Someone needs to tell all these weaklings to stop attacking people in a bar. Seriously, who the hell gets knocked out that easily? Maybe he’s wearing a motorcycle helmet because he frequently suffers concussions resulting from feather-light taps on the skull.
Why does the host keep calling Keith Hernandez “Carlos”? Maybe that’s why Keith keeps attacking him.
Also, I like the “Street Safe” type is made out of ham
Groin Slap
Head Butt
That is all.
Steven Seagal endorses this message.
God I was so disappointed when the bad guy didn’t come out of the dumpster
Also what is up with that weird earnest pity eyebrow thing he’s doing? I don’t want his pity, no matter how earnest it is.
“It’s probably the most humane thing you can do.”
-Mother Theresa