Photos
Chelsea Handler has a sex tape, according to RadarOnline. And it sounds really great:
The tape, which was made nearly a decade ago after Chelsea moved to Los Angeles starts out with Chelsea turning on the camera in what appears to be her apartment. During the first part of the tape, Chelsea is fully clothed in her work uniform. She begins by introducing herself by name before going into a stand-up routine before suddenly cutting to Chelsea and her male partner engaging in an explicit sex act.
Ew. Also, what? Stand-up routine? Gooood sex tape. “Can you turn this sex tape off please, it’s TOO sexy.” Apparently, after the filmed sexual act is completed, Chelsea DOES MORE STAND-UP. It’s weird that she is the host of a late night talk show and not a hugely successful porno star. Anyway, look, we can talk about the Chelsea Handler sex tape in the comments, if you want, or we can post pictures of animals eating birthday cake (or animals ruining birthday cakes with their feet). I’m not going to tell you what to do, although I definitely know which of those options I would prefer.
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“she is very pretty” – Steve Winwood
Whoa! We commentated at the same time, on a related meme, but opposite purposes!
Just when I think I might be over Steve Winwood, he drags me right back in.
I don’t know how to quit Steve Winwood, and I have no interest in finding out.
I’ll have what Steve Winwood’s having.
Steve ain’t got time to bleed.
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She’s really gross.
I think she’s pretty. I used to think she was funny, but not so much anymore. Racist Asian jokes are still racist jokes.
why did you write “still”?
I don’t know: my interest in watching ANYONE’S sex tape automatically goes up by like 10% just by adding the phrase, “made nearly a decade ago.”
“Wow, thanks for sharing that factoid about yourself, Patrick M. (Picks up cell phone) SECURITY!” – Dakota Fanning
And then Dakota Fanning is all:
“Hello daddy
Hello mawm
I’m your
ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bawmb”
You’re dead weight, Steve.
I am probably in the minority here, but I love you, Steve Winwood.
You think you love Steve Winwood? I made my own Winwoodbot!
Most people would leave it at what is actually a very humorous joke. Not Steve Winwood.
Steve Winwood rocks my world.
+1000 for the Runaways reference.
I got a strange urge to go to the pet store and buy this, but I’m not sure why.
is this 3D?
Glasses up!
Also:
Is this the right place on the site to complain about the Phish interstitial (sp?) site skin (sp?) type ad that is ruining my life right now? SHUT IT DOWN!!!!
How does this guy not like Phish?
No, silly, he’s not the rock star! “Steve Winwood” is just his porn name.
While I’m certainly not a fan of the Phish, that is not what I’m complaining about, bro. I’m complaining about how obnoxious and invasive the ad is. I dont like it. Poor me, these guys know what I’m talking about [img]starving kids in the third world.jpeg
“Whats the deal with all this cum on my face?”
ahhh memories of the vgum of yore
[IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/33utqoj.jpg[/IMG]
Okay, I apparently have no idea what I’m doing.
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Holy shit that is a human with fur!
Or a luck dragon,
don’t give up!
Haha, I saw you’d already beaten me to it and was just happy to see those creepy/cute human eyes staring at me with such gratitude.
oh man i didn’t even realize you were going for Birthday Dog! all the credit to you, Leonard.
ah man. And that’s the best possible picture of a dog enjoying birthday cake ever in history. It’s like the Picaso of dogs enjoying birthday cake. Which is saying something, because I wouldn’t be surprised if Picaso actually had a famous painting called “A Dog Enjoying Birthday Cake” that I had just never heard of before.
This Ain’t Chelsea Lately XXX.
I see you back there, Birdie. Also,
I prefer the Chewy sex tape
This is giving me serious acid flashback fever…
I stared at this for exactly three minutes. That’s like an hour in Internet time.
the victim, identified below, responded to questioning by saying, “I guess I deserved it”.
is the water warm? is your mama home?
takes on a whole new meaning.
Yikes, it must be carrot cake.
Talk about a tight five at the Chuckle Hut.
Should we try the veal? Should not forget to tip our waitresses?
Sorry. Way Way to big
TWSS
Still better than Carlos Mencia’s sex tape, which is just Rob Lowe’s sex tape with Carlos Mencia’s name written on it.
[IMG]http://i1010.photobucket.com/albums/af222/meghancarlson/dogcupcake.jpg[/IMG]
Wait, what? Crap.
These guys know how to party
What is that, a giant sloth?
It appears to be an orangutan.
thumbs up for everyone!
Um, guys … what exactly constitutes a comedian’s work uniform?
Why, this, of course.
You know how people say the phrase, “well played” … when something was played well?
(This is what they are talking about.)
Teamwork!
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I’m tearing up. (starts slow clap, watches around him, no one else is clapping)
Upvoted for sheer audacity! This is worse than that woman shooting herself.
No, it isn’t. *shudders*
That was BADASS. I’m going to start feeding my turtle fucking red tail hawks and shit. Yeah, HELL YEAH!
One of my chickens got got by a red tailed hawk. My wife screamed expletives at it and got it to drop the chicky. That was badass.
Ugh, I don’t know what I’m doing. I am a peanut.
I am only half-ashamed to (over)share that this is actually a picture of my cat’s birthday party from last year. Seriously, I am a couple of crazy-cat-lady points away from creating an embarrassing viral video.
It is never wrong to celebrate a cat.
Or for a cat to celebrate!
Yea, you are a fellow barrister and you like cats! Let’s be BFFs!
Goodness, doesn’t that cat look smart! Is that American Jurisprudence Pleading & Practice Forms on his shelf? Does he prefer Westlaw or Lexis?
Is everyone here a lawyer?
Apparently more monsters than I realize are members of the great profession. I am but a lawyer in training. JD candidate, May 2011. (I am presently taking Videogum breaks from my Employment Discrimination outline.)
I’ve been trying to make an internet-worthy video of my cat. Most of them are just her watching me for about 20 seconds, and then me yelling “do something!” No screen presence, that’s her problem.
I feel your pain! My cat’s do some of the most ridiculous shit, but refuse to perform on camera. The fat one has trouble cleaning himself, so he’ll sit as pictured in my avatar and try to lift his belly. This is, of course, hilarious. I managed to catch a few seconds of him doing it (he will literally do this for minutes at a time), so I looped it and posted it online so people could get the idea. It’s an awful video. I am too old to understand how to do this properly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuTFh3h7res
I say this with all sincerity, meatball: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
For real: that is some first class cat video right there. My real world body is actually laughing out loud.
You are all too kind. Ah, the joy of feeling acceptance amongst the monsters. (Seriously, I was having a bad day. I appreciate it. Warmandfuzzygum.)
The other day while I was walking my dog, he started limping then when I laid him down to see what was wrong he sneezed up a bee. I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know how to post pictures.
I love this picture, Animals are the best when they’re expressive. I also love that this is now you’re profile picture.
What, no Steve Winwood response? Progress!
I had a teacher in high school who was a Vietnam vet, and he would often stare out the window for long periods of time while we were testing, presumably with an expression similar to this cat’s.
Not gonna lie, that’s a little heartbreaking.
This is a photo of a severely mentally-challenged monkey’s birthday party a zoo. You can find it by googling “retarded monkey birthday cake” – which is by far the most awesome search query i’ve done this year.
that explains the retarded-monkey proof candles.
The fingers around that monkey’s torso make it look like he is wearing a hotdog vest. Which, he of course should be.
and the AIDS monkey reaches another milestone…
THIS IS THE BEST 5-COMMENT CLUSTER OF MY LIFE
I seem to be posting more pictures of animals than actually writing any comments.
[img]http://www.saczoo.com/view.image?Id=848[/img]
OH FORGET IT
http://www.saczoo.com/view.image?Id=84
Oh forget it, indeed.
NEVER FORGET
Please send all upvotes to Uppercutz.
I think this little tidbit about Chelsea should remind everyone that LA is the worst.
“I just had sex, and boy is my vagina tired!”
And because I’m all about having my cake and having a pet eat it too-
“I just ate a whole birthday cake on my 14th birthday, and boy is my tail tired from wagging so much because I’m happy!”
http://www.saczoo.com/view.image?Id=848
i mean, there’s no cake, but there’s plenty in the above images to share, right??
you know, originally i thought that they were wearing party hats, but i guess it more looks like they are tiny baby otter wizards. they’ve certainly cast a spell on me! har har har.
This guys IS an animal, youknowwhatImean? (I mean in bed).
This cat gets right to the point.
This cat also apparently has a two pack a day habit. Someone call Dr. Drew.
yay possumgum!
Stay classy, possum.
Upvoted because it looks like an excited possum is on the Internet, happy that people are posting pictures of his or her species.
I just wanna know how she handles the transition from explicit sex act back to stand-up. Sounds like a tricky one.
Speaking of facials, I was at a spa the other day… what’s up with spas, you guys? They’re all like, ” oh, here,get in this mud.” Hmm. Yeah, that’s a hard one (twss).
in my mind that last little fella is saying “ITS NAWT YOAH TUWNN”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIPX1qUfNYw
Kids R animals.
werttrew is my Tom Bergeron.
Classic werttrew.
Classic Kenny Powers.
Oh my god. I’m so glad that little boy got out of the way before his dad’s head ignited.
has anyone ever seen the fat pets show on animal planet where the british woman has a birthday party for her dogs and feeds one of them an entire chocolate cake? well, that can kill them.
There’s actually ways to bake pet-friendly cakes. I know because my friend threw a birthday party for her dog a few months ago. I’m extremely embarrassed to admit this.
I really want to see this tape. Y’all need to stop frontin’
also:
This is the stupidest thing I have ever seen that I have laughed at.
http://www.illovich.com/yoshi/pages/t_birthday.html
There we go! Birdie, look what you got to look forward to! Yummm!
Chelsea Handler saying the things that EVERYONE is thinking* but is too afraid to say
*no one is thinking
Watch the Chelsea Handler tape here http://urlm.in/emzq/
Watch the Chelsea Handler tape here http://donvuitton.com