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I haven’t been writing about this season of The Real Housewives of New York because it turns out, and I only just learned this, but apparently you only live once? Did you guys know that? Obviously, if that’s true, then that changes EVERYTHING. The level of tolerance for watching human nightmares with melting faces engage in staged bickering for the benefit of furthering their careers as human nightmares with melting faces engaged in staged bickering drops PRECIPITOUSLY when you realize you aren’t going to get another chance on this Earth. That being said, we also only get one Summer Jams Mixtape of 2010, so we have got to make the most of it, which is why we should definitely include the new “song” (haha, right) by the Cuntess LuAnn De Lesseps, “Money Can’t Buy You Class.” Get it? Because she married a rich person and cheated on him and got divorced, she knows all about manners! And the other thing she knows all about is making GREAT MUSIC.
“Your company should feel when your conversation’s real even if the topic feels like science class.”
Wow! What? I wish I was a shitty human being with backwards priorities who was focused on material wealth and base-level cable reality TV exhibitionism so I could understand the cool lyrics to this interesting song! I also wish I was a computer so that I could sing like LuAnn De Lesseps! Check out the song (via Dlisted) here
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Who sang huh? Isn’t pop music done by and for people without colostomy bags?
The last time I checked, money was the most common form of payment accepted to take a class.
Yeah you only live once so I guess it’s time to a blow by blow recap of LOST again
LOST is a repeat this week, you’re getting a week off Steve Winwood! You should vacation in Australia, I booked you an oceanic flight out of LA for tomorrow.
WHHAAAAAAATTTT!!?? I had a bit prepared for the LOST recap and it will go stale if not used this week. Damn it. When is the next NEW episode?
I think it’s safe to assume that any LOST “bit” you may have is already stale… Friend.
Upvote for the fact that you not only prepare bits in advance, but that you also freely admit it . That is adorable.
Man, this comment next to mine above makes me sound like a douche in comparison. I’m sorry, Steve, you can hate on LOST all you want!
Next week buddy, but don’t worry. Your return flight is on Monday, so you’ll still get in in time to watch it. I got you a seat next to this guy:
He’s a doctor, so you’ll be in good hands.
“Son of a gun. I’ve been working on this all week! Maybe I can use it if there is a post about the ‘Small Wonder’ DVD Box Set” –Steve Winwood (author of “This Show Makes No Sense: An Economic Critique of Lost” and “Bobbies: The Jessica Alba Story”)
The Author at work:
TYPO’D! NOW YOUR SENTENCE IS UNINTELLIGIBLE.
Don’t you mean time FOR a blow by blow recap? BOOM. You just got Steve Winwooded. Just kidding Steve Winwood. I heart you.
Well you have to admit, she succeeded in getting the coveted ‘angry hipster/internet dork’ demographic to listen to her new single.
this has nothing do with the thread.. but I promised myself I’d post it the next time I saw Notsewfast post.
Pardon me sir, but do you have a bucket that I can put my terribly frightened eyes in for the rest of eternity?
Oh, thanks.
*plucking sounds*
I expect a diss track from Sesame Street’s The Count to follow shortly. And maybe Aziz Ansari too, just for good measure.
You know what money can buy? Auto-tune. But even T-Pain is shaking his head a this one.
I’m assuming money also bought most of her ass.
BOOOOOO!
Longest 3:44 of my life! The parts where she hits the high auto-tuned notes makes me actually feel a little nauseous.
I feel like Ms. De Lesseps walked into the studio and said “Lets record a song that 50-year-old gays can blast while washing their boston terriers. But lets also make them hate themselves for it.”
Abso-LUTELY! Because, except for the relatively recent invention of autotune included here, this is exactly what those same men (and yours truly…I hung out with the gays almost exclusively in college) were listening to in the late 80s when tracks like the Pet Shop Boys “What Have I Done To Deserve This” paved the way for dance floors packed to songs with a hint of house music piano and bored, queeny-sounding “rap” sandwiched between a nursery-rhyme chorus. I am having a flashback right now. (Also, I am old. Not as old as the Boston terrier guys but old.)
Also also, I have now had this song going through my head for almost two hours. grr
“queeny-sounding rap” should describe more things than it does.
FAMKE JANSSEN! that’s who she looks like! fuck, i stared at the picture for like ten minutes trying to figure that out. all right. now i can move on.
Sigh… she’s pretty…
but apparently potentially smelly? who knew?
I would bury my face in to that and in hale deeply, take a big whiff
I haven’t commented in a while but after reading comments on DListed like this:
“I work with a Luann its funny she cant stop talking about her grad school degree and all she needs to do is change her name and stop wearing old people closes and stop talking about the farm etc…..”
It makes me appreciate you monsters.
That was my Dlisted comment!
and I’m jwormyk’s Luann!
awe, I know. If only Dlisted’s monsters were as clever/slutty/shameless/sassy as Michael K himself. I don’t add much to the comments here… but I always read them!
“Oh shoot… Gabe’s post is over and I still want to procrastinate doing real work… sad… guess I’ll just go back and click on the homepage ico… what’s this? Comments as funny as the post itself? Sorry, boss, looks like I’ll be working overtime tonight!” – me adjusting to Videogum after 4 years with my first love, Dlisted
Finally, a new theme song for RuPaul’s Drag Race!
Start Your Engines!
FINALE TONIGHT! SO EXCITED! #inmypants.
If this comment posts, please note it’s a test. I can’t post comments for some reason.
WHUT???? It worked!
Now you can!
Wouldn’t it be funny if I took this opportunity to just start saying the most f’ed up, bigoted, hate speech? Everyone would be like,
“YIKES. Maybe it was better if he just remained frustrated and his comments weren’t posting. This is terrible. Gabe- a little help please! This guy has got to go.”
I opened the link with my iTunes and now I’m very fearful of iTunes getting a virus.
I should’ve enabled my iProphylactic beforehand.
The word “class,” and its adjectival and adverbial forms, are taking a long-overdue retirement. Let them go gently into that good night, my friends.
Wait, if you can buy this song on itunes, and this song is the epitome of class, doesn’t that mean you can buy class?
I always illegally download class. My hard drive is just stocked with Ke$ha singles.
and now it’s got some De Le$$ep$. Hooray!
Cuntess LuAnn De Lesseps
I see what you did there! Clever girl.
God I love Jurassic Park
Eighth summer jam? RIGHT HERE.
Oops. I meant here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctVmNbVu2KA&feature=player_embedded
Violent J and Luann spent many a science class together trying to figure it all out
This song filled me with Sadeness.
You spelled sadness wrong.
I think he meant the song reminded him of the great 90s soul singer Sade since Luann is such a smooth operator
Mais non!
My use of the c-word rises about 72% whenever Luann is on camera.
Is this really a thing? I mean, if this lady can put this garbage out then why isn’t my mom a pop music phenomenon? I am waiting for someone to yell, “FAKE!!!”.
This show is like a farm team for a Marriage Ref panel.
So, um, what’s the ETA on Bravo’s record label? And what is the opposite of gold records that they can use to line the halls of their offices?
They will line the halls of their offices with whatever it is that they make after they put their pants on, just like Bruce Dickinson.
Also, this song is the funniest thing I’ve heard in weeks. That is all.