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Are you tired of always being broke? Do you lack confidence? Is this always happening to you?
I hate when that thing that has never happened to anyone happens, but this new poorly-made, overpriced product invented by a lonely human trainwreck has definitely made my stupid life full of impossible disasters easier. Thanks, Bag Hutch! (Via Vulture.)
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if they believed in the one true savior this would not have happened to them these heathens
obvs, this is who i’m talking about
David Duchovny?
Those dogs are such assholes, I’m glad Birdie isn’t like that
I don’t know about Birdie, but my dog is ALWAYS spilling milk on things and can never properly crack an egg. And you can always see her brassiere when she’s sloppily frosting a cake! If only there were some product available for three easy payments of $19.95 that would stop things from falling on her in the closet whenever she attempts to do the ironing!
In fact, the only thing my dog can seem to do without making me throw my hands up in frustration is lick her own genitals. Help me, indeed!
You are one of nearly 7,000,000,000 on the mainly-water coated Earth. The planet spins on its lonely, eccentric orbit through a vast gulf of space that takes up three spatial dimensions, one temporal dimension and an extra gravitational one. Zoom out far enough and you see the glory of our solar system, with a nuclear fireball fusing and flaring across the reaches of its surroundings. Zoom further out at this Sun becomes a dot, one of many dots across the gulf of our galaxy. Zoom out yet more and our galaxy is a nothingness amongst the vastness of the Universe. And our Universe by just be one of billions upon billions, perhaps an infinite amount.
But don’t worry! We have a novelty extra-long shoehorn for you!
I imagine Carl Sagan is looking piteously on each one of those poor souls fucking up simple household tasks. If only they had the perspective to see how senseless it was to get frustrated over their meaningless, infinitesimally insignificant lives.
*cue video of asteroid striking Earth with a soundtrack of Drowning Pool*
This stuff never happens to me because I make sure to be extra careful whenever my vision goes black and white.
JINX. DAMNIT.
Uncanny!!!
I always know I’m about to trip over my pajama jeans as soon as I step outside and the world is black and white.
“Fuck I’m glad the worlds ending soon”
Everyone in this
Most of these things have happened to me. Is that weird?
Nah, milk is really heavy. And drills? How do THEY work??? Don’t even get me started on pasta.
Also, every time I eat a burger, the entire patty always falls out on the first bite.
Fucking burgers, how do they work?
That’s nothing. I once tried to do some home remodeling and the whole house fell down after nailing a cabinet in poorly.
Nice one Buster Keaton.
most of these are ridiculous, but seriousgum for a second, clingwrap is the worst.
It is indeed horrible. Especially the environmentally friendly kind, the packaging is flimsy and the serrated edge can’t rip anything, except sometimes your skin, which should be stronger than clingfilm, but nope!
The Mayans knew this would happen. Maybe they had tv hats when Cortez stopped by….it’s a vicious cycle.
“For Christ’s sake, Michelle, cover up. Where do you think we are, The Sizzler? You look like a goddamn whore.”
I was just going to post that she is the only one I can relate to. Having a small chest is the worst, but that’s what camisoles and safety pins are for. I wonder what ridiculous thing they were trying to sell there.
The other ones, however, look like Idiocracy infomercials.
What products are they even trying to sell? I get that hose thing- they want you to by one of those circular things on the side of your house to roll it up. But what kind of product is gonna help you with all of your spilling problems? Seriously, just learn to fucking pour or wear a bib all day, you baby!
Stain removal? Or maybe a knife and fork, that’s how us classy people eat our burgers
There’s a list of products on the YouTube page. My favorites are EZ Cracker (at first I thought this was for those hard-to-eat crackers, but I think it’s to solve the egg problems), Urine Gone, and, the best, JumpSnap the Ropeless Jump Rope. I missed the frustrated jump roper the first time through, but when I watch it again, knowing all her problems will be solved by a Ropeless Jump Rope, she inspires me.
Children are so bad at pouring things!
Never fails! Sorry to jock your style, Girl.
I don’t care who said it first, just tell me how to fix it!
Great minds with avatars representing animals etc. etc. . .
Someone needs to stop letting all these babies pour their own milk.
Pretty great, but needs more TV Hat.
In Conclusion, please donate to the Billy Mays Resurrection Fund.
What is in the muffin?!?!?! (Or, more importantly, when is the muffin?)
OK this is my first gif, hope it works.
You suck at making eggs:
http://tinypic.com/r/14dldsn/5
haha, close…
Anyways, you suck at making eggs:
So stoked they finally invented the shell-less egg to stop this from happening to me all the time.
I wish she could have cracked it right, so then we could spend the next eternity watching it rot on the stove that isn’t even on.
There is so much egg in that shell… It just keeps squirting and squirting….
TWSS…I’m sorry.
It has always been my #1 fantasy to get an acting gig playing one of the exasperated assholes at the beginning of an infomercial. Well, maybe not my #1 fantasy, but it’s Top 10, at least. It’s on the list of things I would like to do if the opportunity was dropped in my lap through no effort of my own, is what I’m saying.
Little known fact- many of these actors later go on to star in SyFy movies!
Could you imagine if somebody actually needed every single one of the products these accidents are prevented by, but couldn’t afford any of them?
Haha! Human tragedy!
That’s an infomercial in itself. I think it starred one of the Baldwins…
I have a feeling that the powerful bread lobby prevented those from being included in the video.
I just feel sorry for the children who have to stay home playing cards with their sloppy parents who don’t know how to pour drinks…
Cheer up girl at 0:28 – that’s a pretty good looking cake!
Wait, no vignettes about getting the shit beat out of you in a motel room by a hooker?
Has THIS ever happened to you?
I’m not gonna lie, that cling wrap fiasco happens to me all the goddamn time.
My latest cling-wrap-related wound is just now healing
Am I the only one who was really depressed by this? Humans are terrible, incompetent creatures who cannot complete even the most basic of tasks.
Like pretending to have an accident realistically.
Hey, actually your favorite VHS fetishizing website Everythingisterrible.com did a version of this, which is longer, and I like it better:
http://www.everythingisterrible.com/2009/09/infomercial-hell.html
I just made an account to say this! I up-voted you anyway :p.
I was hoping someone would post a link to that because I was too lazy to go find it but wanted to watch it. Grt jb, Grrg.
So the basic message of this video is that the world’s problems consist of onions, eggs, and pants.
Or in a nightmare scenario, all three.
If you suffer from all of these problems have I got the answer for you!!!!
It’s a padded cell.
this is literally beautiful when watched over “real love” by delorean
Enough with the re-enactment of how my day went! I remember how my day went just fine. Show me the simple, thrifty and friendly products to end my misery.
I swear I saw one once where a lady was trying to sew her curtains with a huge sewing machine while they were still hanging on the wall. For me that will always be the best.
i tried to upvote you more than once, but then my laptop caught fire. if anyone can invent something to prevent that? that’d be great.
It’s a wonder white people (and that one black kid) ever get anything done! Also, that’s a lot of b-roll.
“Are you tired of always being broke? Do you lack confidence? Is this always happening to you?”
Yes! Easter egg for the superfans!