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Last week, Steven Seagal was accused of hiring executive assistants off of Craigslist to work as sex slaves. Now, two more women have come forward with similar accusations. Uh oh. But again, when you actually read the details, things get weird. From TMZ:
Two more women have come forward claiming Steven Seagal made unwanted sexual advances toward them while they worked for the actor … but Seagal’s lawyer tells a very different story.
TMZ has learned both women have provided Kayden Nguyen with sworn declarations, to aid Nguyen’s lawsuit against Seagal — in which the 23-year-old claims she was sexually assaulted by the actor during her stint as his personal assistant.
They gave their declarations to Seagal’s accuser? I’m not a lawyer, so maybe that is how things work? As someone outside the system, it seems pretty loosey-goosey to me. At the very least, if you can hire executive assistant sex slaves off of Craigslist, certainly you could hire two actors in their 20s willing to testify against an eccentric action movie star long past his prime?
Oh, this part is gross:
In one woman’s declaration, obtained by TMZ, Seagal is accused of luring her into his bedroom, putting his hands on the woman’s breasts and stating that he was “checking just as a doctor would for lumps.”
The declaration continues, “Seagal reached his hand down my pants. He said, ‘I just wanted to touch it for a second to see what it felt like.’”
As a doctor would! You know how doctors are. Very sneaky. And another thing about doctors is that they don’t know what anything feels like, but their natural curiosity leads them to wanting to FIND OUT. All they need is to touch IT, just for a second.
Like Nguyen, both women claim they were hired by Seagal to serve as his assistant, but quit after Seagal made inappropriate sexual advances.
TMZ spoke with Seagal’s lawyer, Marty Singer, who tells us, “My client has no knowledge of these women and a preliminary check of his employment records does not show that they ever worked for him.”
Singer also stated that regardless of whether they worked for him or not, their claims are “absurd.”
Regardless of whether they worked for him or not? I would really stick with the “they never worked for him” defense. That seemed like a pretty solid defense. The one where you pretend like it’s just impossible to know one way or the other whether anyone has ever worked for anyone because how do we know that this isn’t our dream life and our dreams aren’t our real life, that defense gets weak for me.
Again, just as with the original accusations, I find it hard to CHOOSE SIDES, and as we know justice is all about SIDES. Like, if any of these accusations are true, gross, Steven Seagal. But if any of them are lies, gross, these ladies. And while I certainly have no trouble picturing Steven Seagal as a sexual nightmare (no imaginary homo), I also have no trouble picturing some frustrated women fabricating a lawsuit. There certainly are a lot of weird details in the prosecution’s accusations, and a lot of weird defenses coming from the Seagal camp.
But most importantly, will no one rest their case? Some of us want to go home to see our families!
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How did he lure them to his bedroom? Did he have, like, a fish sandwich on a string?
Hungry for a sandwich? Follow the sandwich
Good morning, Mr. Hausfrau. Thanks for the first LOL of the day!
I’m sure he just used all the fancy police words he knows. “Hey, can you come in here? I dropped my badge but I can’t reach it since I threw out my back during a chase in the ‘jects last night.”
“This could be realsies. But it could be fake-o-rama. Who can ever really know! Lawyers, probably. Sustained.” – Hard Gabe
Thought this was the Lost recap with all the feeling it going on.
i demand for people to think this is great.
At least we know that Seagal is as terrible at real life sexy talking as he is at fake movie talking.
Seagal reached his hand down the woman’s pants. He says, “I just wanted to touch it for a second to see what it feels like.
Huh. it is really warm,” He squints up at her face, “and kind of spongy…but firm, y’know?”
I know it’s early in the day but thanks for the pity upvotes.
I literally googled “what does a vagina feel like?” because, though I have a general idea, I have no *first hand* experience.
*gross*
Journalism!
Aren’t all of Steven Seagal’s sexual advances unwanted?
“The man has a PONY TAIL, your honor. I rest my case.”
I gave my signed Declaration to werttrew when Steve Winwood tried to “touch it.” Seems like a legit legal move on the part of the craigslist harem.
[IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/15wcwmx.jpg[/IMG]
ahhh nevermind it was supposed to be a picture of steven holding a panda….the signs were there
It’s actually better for me when the pictures don’t come in since I read this site on my Kindle.
So, wait, your doctor isn’t suppose to put his hand down his pants when he give you a breast exam?
(Ugh, I am the worst.)
Steven Seagal……always doing his Dr. Love impression.
While it’s difficult to say who is telling the truth here, I think we can fairly conclude that doctors are scumbags.
What about Dr. J? or for that matter, Dr. Dre?
Doctors are the new scientists. And we all know what assholes those guys are.
Be that as it may, I think I’m gonna end every sentence today with “just as a doctor would.” “Okay, I’m gonna go take a dump, just as a doctor would.” “I got the new issue of Juggs, just as a doctor would.” “Pope’s use of the heroic couplet both mocks and extends early models of English scansion, just as a doctor would.”
You, sir, must be/have been an English major. Or you can use the internet, like Mr. Hausfrau.
film major. but apparently I was doing it wrong.
I’d say referencing Pope is something a film major would do! Just as a doctor would.
Will celebrities ever be able to hire prostitutes again in the safety of their trailer or giant home. We have to put a stop to this injustice!
it’s officially now a conspiracy.
a super-secret european organization is out to drag mr. segal’s reputation down a few notches
from 6,245 to around 6,268.
i don’t know what any of this means….i just report the facts, i don’t interpret them.
God… this post left me feeling nostalgic about medical school and all the fingering classes.
This is the greatest comment to ever live.
And yet, Seagal’s unusual physiological response to arousal remains undisclosed! Unless you have anything new to add to the discussion, ladies, just stay home.
Oh Steven Seagal, you had me at “checking for lumps.”
I’ll see myself out.
Steven Seagal then diagnosed her with schizophrenia since first she was all like yeah Steven Seagal, then she was like eww perv, women huh
I agree, it’s very hard to choose sides. I’d like to vote for a third party candidate!
Regarding the sworn statements, in a civil, as opposed to criminal, matter, that is how it works. In the unlikely event this thing reaches trial, presuming the plaintiff can overcome the admissibility issues concerning the “prior bad acts” evidence in the statements, the women making the statements would be subject to cross examination under the pains and penalties of perjury.
Let’s call that a half hour. I’ll send you a bill.
he would probably twist it all around and throw it over his shoulder.
The thing that I don’t get is, I feel like Seagal should have no problem hiring legitimate sex slaves. There’s really no need for his Craigslist ad to be so misleading.
It’s more fun when you trick them. Or at least that was my last boss’s argument.
Do people usually keep a record of their sex slaves?
Just ask Thomas Jefferson.