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It was announced a few weeks ago that longtime Jay Leno Show band-leader, Kevin Eubanks, was looking to abandon that ship. Now it is official. On last night’s episode of The Show That Must Not Be Named, Kevin Eubanks sat on the couch and announced his departure date: May 28th. Goodbye, Kevin Eubanks! Bye bye!
Of course, the question remains: now what? I am sure that Kevin Eubanks plans to have a long and successful career as a solo artist, and to that I say: OK! Good luck! Your mother and I support you! But let’s pretend just for a second that for some weird reason that doesn’t work out. It’s a tough business. You are going to need a back up plan, something to fall back on. At the very least, you’re going to need a day job to help you pay the rent (Kevin Eubanks rents) until the whole music thing finally works out.
Here are a few suggestions for things Kevin Eubanks might want to do:
Pediatrician
Kevin Eubanks has 18 years of experience working closely with selfish, whiny, deluded people with corny senses of humor who expect everything to be done for them.
Ice Skating Rink DJ
Kevin Eubanks has 18 years of experience trying to provide musical accompaniment to a cold thing that goes in circles.
Mirror
Kevin Eubanks has 18 years of experience quietly reflecting what others want to see.
Plumber
Kevin Eubanks has 18 years of experience being around poop. (A DRUM ROLL, PLEASE, MR. EUBANKS!)
And then one day, who knows, maybe the whole music thing will work out. It’s like they always say, shoot for the stars and you might just land in a pediatrician’s office. They make good money!
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His sinking ship experience will come in handy when we launch the Titanic II.
Speedbump. Kev has many years experience getting run over by assholes that love cars.
this post is aces. in a third graders recess kind of way.
I’d say he’s best suited to be a urologist, since he has lots of experience working with inflated dickheads that screw everything around them.
Crash Test Dummy. Kev has many years experience in surviving daily car wrecks.
Ooopsies, not supposed to be a reply. My coffee is still steeping.
I think he should be a Proctologist, because he works well with assholes.
I think he should start a show where he explains all the jokes from the show that must not be named in an attempt to advise up and coming chat show hosts in how to try and cover up what a giant douche they’ll become when the network messes around trying to give the non-videogum demographic what they want. :: sharp intake of breath ::
“(A DRUM ROLL, PLEASE, MR. EUBANKS!)”
We all know the drummer’s name is Smitty (Marvin Smith).
A DRUMMER: Kevin Eubanks has 18 years of experience being asked for drumrolls.
He should set an example for Jay Leno by just going the fuck away.
He should be the CEO of Summer’s Eve because he’s had years of experience on how to sell douches.
Sean Hannity could be his EVP.
Jay should look into replacing Eubanks with someone who can create a sound that complements the shows worth….say….Kesha?
And have her play ‘blah blah blah’ every time Jay opens his mouth.
Me: “Mirror, mirror, on the wall…”
Mirror: “Yeah I’m gonna stop you right there, I’m real happy for you and I’ma let you finish, …”
I don’t know where I’m going with that. Kevin, call me, I’ve got some job interview questions I’d like to try on you.
I think he should open a bank.
Kevin’s EuBANK.
Eh, or a credit union.
I guess he’s the perfect candidate to represent the EU banks and deal with this whole Greece thing. “Do you have any experience in dealing with trainwrecks?” “You have NO idea.”
Interviewer:What’s a Grecian Urn?
Kevin Eubanks:Five Drachmas an hour?
Interviewer:Sorry, we’re looking for someone who knows that Greece replaced the drachma with the Euro in 2001.
Kevin Eubanks: (plays sad jazz guitar song maybe Mood Indigo or something, I don’t know)
How about his smooth single “First Things First” off of his album The Heat of Heat-”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spq8M8qvsEs
Kevin Eubanks should be a pop culture blogger. He has 18 years of experience trying to put a creative spin on meaningless drivel.
Kevin Eubanks should be a lawyer because everyone hates lawyers. NAILED IT!
He should be a wills and estates lawyer, because he has extensive experience with preparing old people for their inevitable deaths. (Get it? Because Jay Leno fans are old and will die soon.)
Palin-Eubanks in 2012!
He should be a musician because he plays music.
I think I am doing this right
Although in all seriousness, I did notice that Pitchfork are looking for interns. So if anyone fancies combining that nugget of information with this particular article in a humorous way, be my guest.
He should be the pitchfork that gets thrown into Jay Leno’s chest.
I just made the most horrible sound as my throat and nose laughed at this but my mouth refused to open. THANKS
I think we have a winner!
I mean, not to get all Seriousgum over here, but he is a very talented guitarist who’s had a fairly successful jazz career, especially considering his day job is the Tonight Show.
Oh, shit, wait…Jay Leno sucks! There, got it right. (No, seriously, he’s awful.)
If the ratings for his next jobs are horrible, he can always take his old job back from Max Weinberg. ZING!
He should burn Jay Leno’s airplane hangar to the ground and then have sex with his wife.
Did I do that right?
Any relation to Bob Eubanks? Cause if so, maybe he could hit him up for some of that Card Sharks money to finance his next solo record.
I think he should open a bakery. I have no joke, I just think that might be a fulfilling occupation, and after 18 years, doesn’t the man deserve a measure of peace?
Kevin YOUBAKES
a measure of peace and a measure of flour.
Does George Lopez need a new bandleader? Yknow…
Kevin Eubanks should work at this restaurant
(I hope one of those works. new to this. if not, it’s kind of worth clicking on. not really gonna change your life though)
sweet, it worked
what kind of American Idol Parade of Fools is Jay going to bring out to Cast the next Kevin Eubanks?
whatever it is, i’m sure he’ll think it is HILARIOUS.
I can see maybe someone from a Morning Zoo show who has a soundboard with wacky sound effects like old timey car horns and whatnot?
a Will Smith album. Kevin has 18 years of experience as an accessory that allows old white bigots feel more in touch with DA STREETS.
He could at least get a job in music doing outros for Jay-Z; Heh Heh, you crazy for this one Rick, Oh man(guitar riff).
Sorry, too much caffeine. That should read:
He could at least get a job in music doing outros for Jay-Z: “Heh Heh, you crazy for this one Rick, Oh man(guitar riff).”
Man, grammar is not my friend.
hello videogum friends, i am randy foyle and i am the assistant hiring manager at unfortunate quality garage doors.
i can confirm that kevin eubanks did interview with us for an open quality assurance position. he has made the first cut and will be contacted for a follow up interview shortly.
I know this thread is basically the opposite of seriousgum, and I also know that we’re all Pitchforks through Jay Leno’s chest around here, but Robin Eubanks (Kev’s brother) is an incredible jazz trombonist, and according to what I just read on Wikipedia, Kev was as well back in the day (where trombon = guitar and ist is a constant), so if he really does launch a solo career it might not be as goofy (that guy is so goofy) as it would seem given the circumstances.