gabe: did you watch any of the olympics?
lindsay: Well, this morning I turned on The Today Show to see if Barack Obama had announced a running mate, and there was a team of ladies in China dancing to “Everybody Dance Now.”
lindsay: So yes and no.
lindsay: But I think I know enough about the Olympics just from the press coverate to know who won
gabe: NBC
gabe: NBC won the olympics
gabe: big time
gabe: they got all the gold
lindsay: Maybe Tiki Barber won the Olympics
lindsay: He got to say the c-word on TV and not get in trouble!
gabe: your definition of winning is weird

lindsay: Michael Phelps.
lindsay: Michael Phelps is a person associated with the Olympics.
gabe: he won a thing
lindsay: He swims and dates girls.
gabe: all his shirts are broken
lindsay: His neck is thick.
lindsay: He is maybe “amazing”?
lindsay: I think maybe he’s that
gabe: how come i know how much pancakes that guy eats?

lindsay: Oh yes!
gabe: he eats so many pancakes
lindsay: He eats 12,000 calories per day!
lindsay: I know how many!
lindsay: People told me at a barbeque
lindsay: Well it kind of matters how big the pancakes are.
gabe: that’s a fair point
lindsay: Not to sound like a know it all.
gabe: no, that’s a really good point
gabe: about the size of the pancakes
gabe: that changes everything
gabe: i think pancakes probably won the olympics
gabe: i’m giving pancakes a 9.5 for the olympics
lindsay: I know more about what m phelps ate than any other olympic topic
lindsay: There were two little girls
lindsay: one of them had bad teeth.
gabe: wow, you really didn’t wach any olympics
lindsay: I cannot stress enough how little olympics I watched.
gabe: why do you hate america?
lindsay: I watched more of the today show people learning how to make chinese food and drink tea
gabe: you should probably go to abu grahib and put a bag on your head
gabe: if you’re not going to get on board
lindsay: Because the olympics are meaningless.
gabe: HEY
lindsay: Well, they have some meaning
gabe: are BALD EAGLES MEANINGLESS?
lindsay: I was boycotting the Olympics.
gabe: ouch
gabe: this was a rough year to boycott
gabe: you got creamed
lindsay: It was me and Mia Farrow

gabe: people probably tuned in just becuase of your boycott
lindsay: She had me over every night to watch Rosemary’s Baby
gabe: it’s true that people really shut up
gabe: about the whole chinese human rights violations
gabe: once everyone started running and swimming so fast
lindsay: Yeah, Mia Farrow probably has a Michael Phelps poster on her wall.
gabe: i guess china won
gabe: if you could play any olympic sport what would it be?
gabe: complaining?
lindsay: tetherball.
gabe: right
gabe: figures
lindsay: remember tetherball?
gabe: yes
lindsay: did I make tetherball up?
gabe: no
lindsay: What sport would you do?
gabe: fighting
lindsay: Besides the ones you’re good at already
gabe: i would compete in olympic fighting
lindsay: Oh! Well I hope what happened to that WRESTLER wouldn’t happen to you!
gabe: you mean the weightlifter?
gabe: or the wrestler who got disqualified?
gabe: because obviously i wouldn’t get disqualified
gabe: my form would be impeccable
gabe: but i might end up lifting the other guy above my head
gabe: nullus
gabe: and having my elbow collapse
lindsay: Yeah
lindsay: I meant elbow guy
lindsay: weight lifting, wrestling, same diff
lindsay: do they have olympic four square?
gabe: well
gabe: they have the special olympics
gabe: which seems to be more your speed
gabe: NO OFFENSE TO PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY COMPETE IN THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS
lindsay: I think technically speaking they’re more both of our speeds.
gabe: I’M NOT ACTUALLY COMPARING YOU TO LINDSAY
lindsay: It would be great if people got really into the special olympics like the regular olympics.
gabe: i agree
gabe: there was some advertisement for coca cola i think during the Olympics that was this montage of all these people being awarded medals
gabe: throughout history
gabe: and they mixed in the special olympics
gabe: with the regular olympics
gabe: which was nice
gabe: we should probably drink some coca cola
gabe: they are a great guy

lindsay: Haha
lindsay: The fact that they sponsor the olympics is hilarious
lindsay: Since they also sponsor Type 2 diabetes
gabe: the olympics are very popular among lazy people
gabe: actually all sports tends to have that dichotomy
lindsay: Yeah, that’s true.
lindsay: It’s weird
lindsay: But it’s not like I was out building habitat for humanity houses and that’s why I didn’t watch.
lindsay: I was watching other channels.
gabe: oh no, don’t get me wrong
gabe: you are also lazy
gabe: i’m sorry
gabe: i didn’t mean to make you think that i didn’t think you were lazy
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: just making sure
lindsay: what’s next for michael phelps??
lindsay: jk
lindsay: I do not give a shit what’s next for michael phelps
gabe: you hate champions
lindsay: he should get a log cabin maple syrup sponsorship
gabe: he should marry aunt jemimah and open his own IHOP franchise
lindsay: yes, he should get into franchises like magic johnson.
gabe: he will be to pancakes what magic johnson was to getting AIDS
gabe: i.e. he will lead the way in bringing important anti-pancake medications to Africa
lindsay: or it will be discovered he never had pancakes to begin with!
gabe: this is horrible
gabe: i’m going to hell because of the fucking Olympics
lindsay: me too!
gabe: barely
gabe: you get the bronze medal in going to hell.
lindsay: no, i get the silver medal in going to hell!
gabe: fair enough.