Photos
With all of the talk about Glenn Beck over the past year, people have forgotten that some assholes have been consistently awful FOR YEARS. Do you think in the FOX News cafeteria that Sean Hannity slaps Glenn Beck’s lunch tray out of his hand, and orders him to sit in the trash can? “Out of my way, frosh!” Anyway, obviously, we know what Sean Hannity’s book, Conservative Victory is thinking. It’s thinking: “I’m an intellectually bankrupt appeal to the virulent hotheads of a fractured political base for whom I have absolutely no respect created by a vapid moronic millionaire in an attempt for that same vapid moronic millionaire to build a heliport on the roof of his country home pool house.” BUT WHAT ARE THE DOUCHES THINKING?
The winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, because THAT is fair and balanced. (Sorry.) (Photo via BuzzFeed.)
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 Duh Aficionado Magazine: Big Bird And Elmo Do Not Make You… |  About Gwyneth Paltrow’s $950 Shot Glass |  THIS COMPUTER PRINTER AND THIS FILING CABINET ARE… |  This Is Just A Good Anti-Gay Marriage Video |
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
“Not this douche again.”
“dis guy smells girl farts” LOL
oh shit.
I am SO hard right now
I’m kind of really interested to see how well you and tophersuxbuttz get along!
I never thought I’d be so happy to see you. Really takes us back to a simpler time.
Steve Winwood, take note. THIS is how you properly troll.
The feeling is unapproachable right now.
i never stopped believing
so i was watching The Mighty Ducks the other night, and the one kid keeps calling people “cake eater” and my life suddenly made a little more sense.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Yikes, I don’t think you know what a douche is…
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Much like the tampon you are referencing, you’ve managed to soak up all of the fun around here once again.
Come on, you can’t act sad after acting like such a douche!
BOOM! Zinger!
Unless he really doesn’t know what a douche is. In that case, I am sympathetic, and this incident conjures up my own experiences when I didn’t know what poon meant… We can’t know everything!
Oh come on, guys! Are we really downvoting a sad face?
guys, I think Steve Windwood is our Jerry! (parks & rec jerry, that is)
I don’t know why you guys downvoted this so much. I’m laughing my pussy off over here.
If you weren’t before, you are now officially my favorite monster. PUSSY JOKES!!!!!!
I upvoted you, Steve. Someone’s gotta do it.
And here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douche
I’m just gonna let this one slide….
Well you know what they say, if the Douche fits…
For great American freshness!
“There’s only room for one brand of generic douche on this shelf. Move it, Hannity.”
“Sean Hannity goes out of his way to get the lowest scoring comment on Videogum for the third week in a row.”
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Why can’t you let Steve Winwood be terrible?
You might have to work a little harder to beat Steve “Foot-in-Downvotes” Winwood.
T14TT
Welcome to Figurative Walgreens.
This dude seems to have prematurely shot his wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, and now he has something of a mess on his hands.
“…and that’s why you don’t reference unrelated Arrested Development quotes in Videogum threads” – J. Walter Weatherman
Douche Chill!
I miss Arrested Development. You people are the best
You’re finally making sense Steve.
there’s got to be a better way to say that.
Also try Alan Colmes Enemas!
Is that what Hannity has jammed up his ass?
“Teabaggers are the next aisle over.” -Douches
“Oh sorry, my mistake.” -Hannity
“Happens all the time.” -Douches
Also, I know there’s so much more that can be done by playing with the thought of people who don’t understand the gross connotations of “teabaggers” and “douches.” Help me out here, monsters!
I am not sure how you can purchase someone who will stick their testicles on your face, I guess a prostitute but that’s pushing it
“He’s still not as big a douche as Tucker Carlson”-Jon Stewart
Sure its cheap, but you always end up smelling like Oxycodone and Astroglide.
Mmm the smell of Oxycodone… I mean…Astro-… I mean. Fuuuuuck, dude.
“I resent the sacrilege Sean Hannity commits by even mentioning himself in the same sentence as other douches. I would not even allow him to say “Hello, douchestore? This is Sean Hannity. Could you send over a new douche?” He should show respect by ordering anonymously.”
Conservative Victory. For when you want to get that not-so-fresh feeling.
not-so-fresh ideas
“One of us! One of us!”
I might be laughing at this for the rest of my life.
i hope you win. brilliant
Hannity and and (pubic lice) Colmes
Sorry. I got a little excited in the middle there.
Whoopi knows how you feel.
Douche on the left: “I am tired of being pigeonholed as a Republican.”
Douche on the right: “AHHH! A talking douche!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I have never heard/read the sentence “AHH! A talking douche!” before, but I want to do so more, because it made me laugh so hard.
You’ve NEVER heard that phrase?? Why I say it to myself every time I watch Hannity!
Good show, old chap!
You crazy for this one, cupcake!
Present this for a waived cover charge at the I-95 mile marker 431 Rest Area bathroom.
Sean Hannity Disposable Douche: Now With A Pleasing Lemon Scent and 30% More Uninformed Hysteria!”
…and the vapid, empty space normally filled with war-mongering, skewed judeo-christian “logic” and wet dreams about Ronald Reagan provides an endless chasm to soak up any amount of moisture, no matter how active your lifestyle…
My favourite so far.
**Not for use on Black People
Or anybody else.
or homo mexicans
“Waitaminute- This isn’t the suppository section!”
Let Freedom Rinse!
After Sean Hannity announced his participation in the upcoming Beck/O’Reilly lecture series, the Bold Fresh Tour 2010 quickly and cleverly gained several new sponsors.
When you think sour vagina, think Hannity!
This douche has been archived or suspended.
you monsters keep using that word “douche” I do not think it means what you think it means.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Douches are for when your vag is running low on oil, right?
Nay, the buzzing wheels and cogs betwixt a gentle lady’s pale and vanilla-scented thighs are not kept in slick motion with something as crude as oil, but through repeated, constant application of a tincture derived from laudanum which, in any case, one is reasonably certain, does not fall under the purview of the common household douche.
We do too! It’s when two people love each other very much and they get married and a stork comes down from the sky and he puts a baby into the mommy’s tummy!
Lies! All lies! Babies come from a cabbage patch. We get picked off a vine…that’s where our belly buttons come from.
And then we grow older and for some reason are convinced to shoot a saline solution up into our vagina as if it will do anything but cause infections…..sean hannity…there I made a caption.
p.s. I quit this post.
I want to add the word “feather” to your user name, but I’m afraid of the ridicule I might face by referencing Nelly. So instead, I’m just going to post a calming picture:
Sean Hannity:
Always
Be
Causing Vaginal Infections
I am very old, so I don’t know who Nelly is. Ray Charles, however, is more my speed. And my age. Let’s reference him instead.
Colmes’ revenge antics are starting to get pretty sophomoric.
Make your hateful rhetoric springtime fresh again in minutes with the new Sean Hannity Douche!
In the interest of bipartisanship (and accuracy):
Pretty much.
Except that douche tends to be based in reality as opposed to ignorant hatred and asinine preconceptions of what this country is all about.
*this douche (meaning Olberman).
Sean Hannity brand Douches:
“Clean your beaver with the tears of non-believers!”
Honestly, this would only be funny as said by these guys:
I love those guys.
“TAMPAX- Helps you relax when Mother Nature attacks your slacks….. TAMPAAAAAAAAAX.”
Keeps you smelling like small government.
This thread has made me gag more than once. Nice work monsters!
Use me every four weeks for 3 – 4 days in the opening between your legs.
Whoops! I knew what a douche was, but then I scrolled through all the comments and winded up thinking about tampons and now this happened. Bummer’s Eve.
Bummers Eve is the brand of douches preferred by emo chicks.
Same thing happened to me. I feel your pain.
Real-style.
Krakatoa out.
this book is warming the spot where Kat Stacks autobiography will be
“Why would someone go through the trouble to move all of these feminine hygiene products to the political book section?”
Conservative Victory: Defending Your Underpants’ Liberty From The Liberal Red Scare
Not pictured: Nicholas Sparks
the government wont touch this
Nicholas Sparks picks up Conservative Victory, by Sean Hannity, “This is what I write”, he says, placing the book back on the shelf. “This is what I write”.
Nicholas Sparks picks up a Sweet Romance scented douche by Summer’s Eve, “This is what I am”, he says, placing the douche back on the shelf. “This is what I am”.
Can these be counted together as one so collectively they can win? I really want us to make that happen somehow.
I just upvoted your name/picture combination.
so good
Those two are sooo good! Cheeks irrigated with tears, by NicSparks douches.
And with this, Republicans take one further step towards complete control over women’s bodies.
I’m giving you so many mental upvotes
Hani-tize your area!
“I’d use this, but I’m used to retarded things coming OUT of my vagina.” – Sarah Palin
Whoa. I don’t know how I feel about this one. Are you a joke writer for Sarah Silverman?
“Let’s choose this exact moment to take this guy with the pirate squirrel avatar seriously.” – You
LOLk deposit
It was more of a “Does the funny outweigh the tastelessness?” sort of dilemma. Much like my internal struggle with the stylings of one Miss Silverman.
I’m gonna go ahead and say this is more funny than offensive, but just.
Agreed.
Thank God.
woweee. its very offensive, but very very funny. most i’ve laughed at comment in a while.
Fair and (pH) balanced.
Sean Hannity takes his place as the best fit for the term “disposable douche” in that aisle.
The 2012 Republican primary lineup was more dire than anyone had predicted.
Yeah Sean, well the douche store called, and they’re running out of you!
You are a great man, upvote
Well I slept with your wife!
His wife’s in a coma…
Pheeewww, Seinfeld is still cool.
Look who’s pullin’ the strings over at Fox News.
And with this joke, Hanity-Bot became self-aware. “You mean… people don’t like me?”. Hanity-Bot could not process these new emotions, he wasn’t designed for them. He was swiftly carted out of the supermarket disguised as a sack of smoking beeping potatoes.
Summer’s Skeeve
Formerly Just a GasBag!
Oh, I thought that said “gauche.” Oh well, this work too.
Not pictured: The Topher Grace Brand Anal Douche — for all your Buttz-Suxxing needs!
Finally, a place that can satisfy my douche and Jag-off requirements
i was just about to write “oh no, he has a giant smudge on his jacket and hand” but then realized how stupid that would be to criticize when the picture contains transparent speech bubbles.
#1 New York Time’s Best Smeller.
This deserves more love!
These are books.
The New York Times has a bestseller list for feminine hygiene products? Who Knew?
“This is as close to a vagina as Hannity may ever come”- Douches
I see what you’re doing, putting the thing that makes you feel unclean in with the things that make you feel clean. Well played, Wal-Greens.
We’re gonna need a bigger vagina.
Robert Pattinson, your days of ruling the feminine products market are numbered…
On the back of the box-
“Feedom doesn’t come free, and neither do this produt.”
“Don’t mortage my vagina’s future.”
“Keeping your body infromed.”
“Preserve the sactity of your body!”
“Mom, I don’t want that scary man in the hole between my legs.”
“someone had to wash out the hole” — james franco
“Christ, what an asshole.”
“For that not so accurately informed feeling.”
“How does this work exactly if Hannity doesn’t know how vaginas work?”–America
Nasty, stinky twat? Well we’ve got a product for you!
My vagina is a self-cleaning oven.
“Are you sure ‘Obama’s Radical Agenda’ is code for ‘vaginal odors’?”
“Don’t sass me, I’m your manager.”
The lovely “Grated-Diamond Shelf” is one of the more fetching types of Shelf you might consider while piecing together the unique shelving components to your Douche Store.
When your vagina just isn’t right enough.
The Republican Party’s latest attempt at controlling (the pH levels of) women’s bodies
Hi, my name is Sean Hannity, and welcome’s to Sean Hannity’s Douche. I am here to talk about the greatest, best douche God has ever given man. This douche is the most free douche, a douche where dreams come true, a douche that lives up to all the standards set out in the Douche-laration of Independence. Everyday, I thank God for bestowing upon us this feminine hygiene product, the greatest most free feminine hygiene product on the face of this Earth. And it pains me-it PAINS me-to see people disrespecting this douche, mocking its ideals and insulting its liberty. People who claim to be douche-riots. Yet they don’t appreciate the freedom and the liberty bestowed upon them by this douche, the greatest, best douche God has given man. Well I’m not afraid to say it: I love this douche.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
“I see no problem, Gabe. We’re all disposable douches here.” -Eve
They’re by the Conservative Victory Maxipads, to the right
does this mean Glenn Beck’s book is in the tampon aisle?
“When you’re panties lack some sanity clean em with some Hannity.”
heh? heh? yeah I’m sorry for that too
Love lift you up where you belong.
“For the woman who is a conservative, but has been liberal with her vagina, clean it up with Hannity”
*Comes in Teabagger Jasmine
“when you want all the rush but less of the limbaugh.”
all the hannity without the colmes
“There’s nothing conservative about being a douche.”
Hannitouche: Keeping Obama’s radical socialist agenda out of your lady parts, one patriotic squeeze at a time.
When you want your vagina to smell like an anus.
He didn’t win the worlds record FOR biggest piece crap….he IS the biggest piece of crap…
“Yep. That’s about right.” – Douches
“There’s something fishy going on.” – Donald Van Douche
P.s. This post officially marks the loss of my virginitygum! Woo Woo. Here’s to being welcomed with open arms (up-votes).