Two new movie trailers appeared on-line yesterday, one for the dance-battle adventure Step Up 3 The Streets, and one for the Sylvester Stallone Ocean’s 11 meets Rambo meets an episode of HBO’s Funny or Die Presents action film, The Expendables. At first, the two films could hardly be more different. One involves young men and women in their physical prime expressing their joy for life through dance. The other features the ragged husks of former action heroes pretending like they are expert murderous warriors rather than people who own pill-of-the-day cases. But a closer examination reveals that they are, in fact, much more similar than we might have first suspected. In fact they might even be THE EXACT SAME MOVIE.
Let’s begin by watching the trailers:
The Expendables trailer, you guys:
Step Up 3 The Streets trailer, you guys:
Now, let’s do the numbers:
1. Both films involve a gang with a highly specialized shared interest (dance, guerilla murder)
2. Both films involve secret hideaways
3. Both films involve aforementioned gang facing “the biggest battle” of their lives
4. Both films involve a character in a leadership position asking the less-experienced members of their gang if they are ready, and both films feature the less-experienced members bristling at even having to be asked such a question.
5. “One move can set a whole generation free.” vs. “one gang of senior citizens can set a whole made up probably kind of racist South American village free.”
6. Both films feature men with no shirts on for no dramatic purpose.
7. Both films feature characters whose entire lives have led up to this one important moment.
8. Both films feature large choreographed dance numbers in 3D starring Mickey Rourke.
9. Both films look kind of fun, and VERY retarded.
I rest my case.