Photos
This week we say goodbye to Bizarro LA and hello to Bizarro 1867. It’s a Ricardo episode! It’s THE Ricardo episode! All of your Ricardo Alperto questions answered! Sort of. I mean, I still have some Ricardo Alperto questions that were not answered last night. For example: was it customary for men to wear eyeliner on the Canary Islands in 1867? And also: did all of your formative experiences really take place in what seems to be a two-week stretch in your 170 year life? (I am generously placing pre-immortal Ricardo Alpert at 27 years old, based on historical mortality rates, and other details about 1867 that I am just making up as I go along). But before we can get to the mystery of WHAT’S IN THE RICARDO ALPERTO, we begin on the island. Well, no, we begin in some hospital where Jacob is visiting Ilana and explaining that she needs to protect the six “candidates” to take his place when he dies. These include Jack, and Sun, and Hurley, who are all sitting around the fire. They do NOT include Lapides, who is taking the news pretty well. “Sorry, Lapides!” “Eh, what’re you gonna do.” Classic Lapides! Meanwhile, Jack literally knows nothing. Why don’t you go perform some spinal surgery while the adults talk, Jack. So what now, Ilana? Well, Jacob said Ricardo would know what to do. “Who’s Ricardo?” Seriously, Jack, what did I just say? Go get another shitty tattoo or be an alcoholic or something, some of us have work to do.
Unfortunately, Ricardo doesn’t know what to do next, because Ricardo is going bonkers.
“Do you want to know a secret, Jack,” Ricardo says. “Something I’ve known a long, long time? You’re dead.” Oh thank God. “We’re all dead.” Oh wait. “All this, it’s not what you think it is. We’re not on an island, we never were. We’re in hell.” Oh Ricardo, COME ON. Everyone abandoned the afterlife theories in season 2, KEEP UP. Instead of keeping up, Ricardo grabs a torch and runs into the jungle. Very mature for a 100 billion year old man. Ben explains to Lapides (oh, Lapides) that Ricardo doesn’t age. Lapides asks, “well how do you think that happened?” On the one hand, that is a good question, on the other hand, Lapides is taking this a little TOO easily. You guys, I’m worried about Lapides! Oh well, no time. WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE (CANARY) ISLAND(S)!
Whuuuuut?!
So, Ricardo’s wife, Isabella, is sick with whatever. Everyone was sick back then. It was actually weirder when someone wasn’t sick. “If I weren’t so sick, I would divorce you for not being sick,” is what Isabella probably said in a scene they cut out for some reason. But she would have said it in Spanish. Ricardo is going to go get some medicine from the doctor. Isabella gives him her necklace. Oh good. Traditionally, in movies and television, when someone who is sick gives their loved one some kind of memento or keepsake, it means they are going to be fine. So I’ve got a really good feeling about this. Ricardo goes to the doctor, but I guess doctors weren’t cool like they are now.
They were jerks!
Ricardo eventually kills him (whoops) and gets the medicine (which I think is cocaine?) but it is too late. By the time he gets home, Isabella is dead. Awww. So now he is in jail, waiting to be hanged. He asks the priest for forgiveness, but the priest is like, “no.” Yikes. Although, to be fair, five minutes later the priest sells him into slavery, so he is just not a very good priest. But so now Ricardo is a slave. Uh, WHAT? Not only have I never heard of white Spanish prisoners being sold into slavery, but 1867 is post-Civil War. I don’t want to go to Race Jail, so someone please feel free to correct me, but I am just very confused about what kind of slave ship Ricardo is being put on, and where that slave ship is supposedly even going. Whatever, nevermind, the slave ship just crashed into a statue.
“Welcome to the Island, bitch!” — Luke Ward
There are a few survivors on the slave ship down in the hold (look at Professor Ships over here), who call for help when they hear the crew arguing on the deck (seriously, I should probably write http://www.shipsgum.com) and they DO get the crew’s attention, but that does not go very well.
The captain explains that he really needs to stab everyone with his sword because, if he doesn’t, it will only be a matter of time before they tried to kill him. Fair enough! I thought this guy was just a slave trader, I didn’t realize he was also an airtight logic trader! Before he can sword stab Ricardo (no pendejo) there is a noise up top. We, of course, know that it is the smoke monster, but all the slave trader knows is that someone spilled impossibly unrealistic fake blood especially for a show of this expense and popularity all over his coat.
The smoke monster kills the captain, and comes to kill Ricardo, but something stops him.
The smoke monster leaves, and then Ricardo is left all alone, chained to the wall of the galley of the slave ship. Blah blah blah. He is so hungry! He is so thirsty! He is so chained! He tries to get rain water, but it’s too far away. Rain water FAIL. He pulls a nail out of the floorboards and tries to use that to cut his chains free, but then a pig full of man flesh knocks the nail out of his hands (don’t worry about it), pig and nail FAIL. And then he sees Isabella. Looks like someone got into the Friskies. Isabella explains that they are both dead. And also:
Ugh, you, too, Isabella? You guys aren’t in hell! And if you are in hell, I am going to be so mad! The smoke monster comes and kills her, or something? Even I am starting to feel faint and dizzy from this endless trapped-in-the-ship sequence. Anyway, at long last, someone comes to save Ricardo. Is it Jacob? No! It is the man in black. In his old Man in Black body! He agrees to save Ricardo if Ricardo promises to be on Team Locke (basically), and Ricardo agrees. And then the Man in Black says “it’s good to see you out of those chains, my friend,” which is what Locke will say to Richard after Ben kills Jacob in 140 years, or whatever. Just in case you started watching Lost two episodes ago and ALMOST understand EVERYTHING, but were confused about this one thing.
The Man in Black’s first order of business is for Ricardo to go and kill Jacob. HAHA. Boy, you have to hand it to this island, it is all business. Business in the front, mountains in the back, as they say. He wants him to take a magical dagger and stab it into Jacob’s chest without hesitation, before Jacob can say a word. Hey, WAIT A SECOND. That was how Sayid was supposed to kill Locke Monster! Ay-ay-ay! At first, Ricardo is like, you know, thanks for saving me, and this pulled pork is delicious, but I am not really into murdering a dude I have never seen before. And the Man in Black is like, “he’s the devil.” And Ricardo is like, “right, see, about that, killing the devil is actually even more difficult and terrifying sounding than just killing a dude, which I already wasn’t into?” And the Man in Black is like, “if you do it, then you will get to see your wife again. Also, I’m a smoke monster.” And Ricardo is like, “it’s a deal!”
Friendship?!
So Ricardo goes to kill the devil/Jacob, but unfortunately, he does not train himself in hand-to-hand combat first, or even wait half an hour for his food to digest. As a basic rule of thumb, I say if you’re not supposed to swim, you’re not supposed to try and kill the devil. Anyway, Jacob gets the drop on him and just clobbers him, former Golden Gloves style. (He also speaks before Ricardo can stab him, just like Locke spoke before Sayid could stab him.) And then he gives him a swirlie. “Now do you believe you’re alive, NERD?” Then they have a nice glass of wine on the beach.
So the way Jacob explains it is that the island is basically a cork on a bottle of nightmare wine, and if the island weren’t there, then all the evil wine would get out. (Which means what for sunken-irradiated-island-Bizzaro LA?) No offense to the island, but there is still a lot of darkness and evil in the world. WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER ISLAND. He also explains that he brings people to the island to give them the chance to…not be jerks. And it doesn’t matter if they were jerks in the past, here they have a choice. Sure, Jacob. I mean, personally, it seems like a lot of people have just been straight up killed by the smoke monster, choices aside. (I am still waiting for my apology about Mr. Ecko, Smoke Monster.) Also, if Jacob can summon slave ships from across the seas and visit “candidates” when they are still children, and tell Ilana what is going to happen on the island AFTER HE DIES, I find it hard to believe that he doesn’t also know whether people are going to “choose” to be jerks or not. Anyway, he gives Ricardo the job of “middle-manager.” And his salary is “immortality.” It is delivered in one lump sum via direct deposit:
Ricardo goes back into the jungle and tells the Man in Black that it’s a no go, and also gives him a white rock. The Man in Black is like “aw shoot. Shoot man! Dang it. I really thought I had him this time.” But he promises Ricardo that he can come be on his team whenever he wants, EVEN IF IT TAKES 140 PLUS YEARS, and hands him Isabella’s golden necklace. Which Ricardo promptly buries two inches in the dirt.
140+ years go by.
Richard is heading out to the stone bench to retrieve Isabella’s golden necklace. Oh good, it’s still right there. He shouts into the jungle that he is ready to be on Team Smoke Monster. He hates Team Jacob. There is a rustle in the bushes. It’s Locke! No, wait, it’s not Locke. It’s Hurley! Classic Hurley Sneak Attack. And then things get very Righteous Brothers:
Both Teams can summon ghosts? What is this war?! I’m on Team This Guy. Anyway, Ricardo stays on Team Jacob, and now he knows what to do next. Because the ghost of Isabella told him in the dulcet sounds of Hurley’s voice that he had to keep the Man in Black from leaving the island. WAIT, WHAT? We already knew that, Isabella! You waited 140 years in “the in-between” to tell us something vague and threatening that we already knew? Ghosts are so unhelpful! Meanwhile, Locke Smoke Monster was eavesdropping. Uh oh! Spooky eavesdropping!
The episode ends with Jacob and the Man in Black hanging out on a log in 1876. I love when Jacob and the Man in Black hang out.
Jacob is like “I see you got my present.” Uh, it’s a white rock, Jacob. Relax. Like, at the very least I hope the TWO OF YOU understand WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON and don’t feel the need to communicate exclusively in impenetrable riddles and metaphors. Anyway, blah blah blah, the Man in Black just wants to leave. But Jacob won’t let him. Because of how wine works. As Jacob leaves, he is like “I’ll see you around,” and the Man in Black is like, “sooner than you think.” Really? Sooner than he thinks? “In less than 150 years, you will be seeing me around.” I guess it is true that the best surprises are the ones you never see coming. Although, yet again, I am pretty sure that Jacob sees it coming.
And then the Man in Black smashes the jug of wine. OOH. Evil wine metaphor spilling out over a log into dirt 140 years ago. LOL. This was a good episode, no duh, but between the wine bottle smash and last week’s “no, Marmalade, we’re taking the sub,” Lost SERIOUSLY needs to work on its cliffhangers.
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it’s strange that all the events on Lost can be traced back to a child clearing Oceanic 815 for departure
So… I guess in Bizarro L.A timeline, where the island has been H-Bombed, the ‘Cork’ is off the bottle and evil is free to roam??? Quite the contrary it would seem… if you have noticed, everyone in Bizarro L.A is a righteous version of their ‘original timeline’ selves, with Ben being the good selfless helpful professor, Sawyer being supercop, Hurley happy go lucky helpful mogul, Locke in a loving relationship, Kate helping Claire… and so on. So my point is that as far as I’m concerned the bizarro L.A timeline has given us a kinda happily ever after conclusion which renders all other island based predicaments pointless.
UNLESS Bizarro LA and Sydney are the ONLY THINGS that exist in the whole Bizarro-world because EVIL has been unleashed and the Earth has been destroyed and rests (mostly underwater) in a deep nuclear winter, and LA and Sydney are filled with good people because now there is peace on earth and LA is the island now…
…I don’t think I’m good at this.
or mayyyybe smokie got nuked too?
“Si no estuviera tan mal, me divorcio de ti para no estar enfermo.” Eso es lo que dijo.
Did anyone else see that close up of Richard’s eye in the episode?! It was like Guyliner City, population Ricardo Alperto’s guyliner soaked eyes!
Also, Ricardo Alperto’s Guyliner Soaked Eyes is the name of my new band.
I was convinced Richard Alpert was going to turn out to be an ancient Egyptian, tying together the eyeliner, the hieroglyphics, the giant hippo statue etc.. Wrong again.
Also, how in the hell do they get from the Canary Islands to the South Pacific? Is the island in the mid-Atlantic in 1867? 7 weeks can’t come fast enough for me.
Re: “giant hippo statue” – they showed it intact when they were shipwrecked, yes? Then why was only the foot there when Ricardo went to see Jacob? Did the ship cause it to collapse? IS THAT THE ANSWER?
Yeah, I guess the Black Rock crashed into it when it was thrown inland.
Since the ship passes right by the top, I would say that the statute was toppled by a tsunami or some other sort of Michael Bay-esque wave of fury. Also, we know that the structures on the island are made with really light stone, because no one has a problem pushing massive slabs to get into secret places.
I love LOST!
The Island can move. Kinda like the turtle-gold city in Aladdin and the 40 thieves.
yeah, man in black said something to the effect of “go due west to the statue, which your shipped crashed into and knocked into pieces” “also, which is too bad, cause that statue was awesome.”
It’s possible that the Black Rock was heading for Australia, where slavery was still legal (I think?). At least that was how I surmised the ship was heading towards the South Pacific.
This was by far my faves episode of the season.
DUDE! I’ve been saying that for months.
Did the Egyptians ever spend anytime in the Canary Islands cause I’d still love to be right.
Awww, last night I finally bothered looking Nestor Carbonell on IMDB and it turns out that actually they have to put concealer on his eyes to make them look LESS eyeliner’d. And apparently he was “teased and bullied” about it growing up in NYC? Now I feel bad for the (many, many) times I have wondered why Richard Alpert/the Mayor of Gotham City wears eyeliner.
Wait, does that mean the skin around his eyes is just naturally pigmented? Cool! I want that gene!
I know, right? Every time I see a boy with long dark lashes I want to punch him. Or make out with him. (Being me is confusing.)
I like to get my Kashi cereal and deductive reasoning from Airtight Logic Trader Joe’s.
I vote that all episodes from here on out be Ricardo-centric. Although then I’d probably end up hating him too, despite his pretty eyes.
If not Ricardo-centric, then at least Kate-absent!
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I can’t speak for anyone else, but you LOST me at “bimbos”.
Not a fan of the heaven hell purgatory business we were supposedly not going to deal with but at least we are getting some answers.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go beat some laundry baskets against the ground.
grt jb
Does it bother anyone else that the plot of this show is EXACTLY THE SAME as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Which one of the contestants (golden ticket finders) will unwittingly pass the eccentric Island Keeper’s (Candy Creator’s) test of the human spirit and inherit the miraculous island (candy factory). They even both had characters named charlie who sing!
Awesome. My girlfriend made the same comparison last night. Also, Lost basically = The Matrix. Except that this time The One is Augustus Gloop (i.e. Hurley). I’m getting an analogy headache…
LOST = Curious Case of Benjamin Button (“Uh oh, here we go again” – you)
They also both have a fat contestant who will inevitably drown trying to drink from the chocolate river.
I think we all just hope that Kate will eventually turn into a blueberry.
Slugsworth is the Man in Black!
I also noticed this. Shannon is Veruca Salt!
Can I just say that if this show ends with Hurley in a magical glass elevator flying over the island with Jacob I am going to go bananas. Like Claire.
You’ll still be hot, though. (No sexual harassment-mo.)
I have only one rule… NO GHOSTING!
Shit. I should have read all the comments thoroughly before I posted below. All my upvotes are belong to you.
Yeah, but you had visual aides. There are plenty of Thumbs Up to go around!
well played.
Thank heavens all of the characters hail from tropical locales. No, it’s not Hawaii, where Lost is traditionally filmed. This is the CANARY ISLANDS. Totally different ecosystem. That palm tree is exclusively native to Tenerefe! It’s Tenerefic!
What about the scenes with Sayid in the flashforwards when he was in London or wherever, romancing that chick that worked for Whidmore?! That wasn’t tropical!!!
It was still Hawaii though. They brought in snow machines and slushed up a Hawaii street. My parents live in Hawaii, and I recognize a lot of the urban locations where they film. It’s really funny to see how many different locations they can squeeze out of Hawaii.
It was a lot of fun with all the airport scenes at the beginning of this season, because that was totally Honolulu airport. If the camera shots moved up a couple of degrees in the arrival pickup, we’d totally be seeing big neon square signs with the letters A-H. The Sidney Airport scenes were shot at some cultural center made to look like an airport.
The Iraq bunker scenes were filmed at old an old naval base on Oahu. etc etc etc.
I bet most of you had to Google “Luke Ward” before you got that joke! But man, how great was it after the Googling?
I did not have to google Luke Ward, embarrassingly enough.
You have no reason for shame, Kateness. The embarrassing thing here is NOT knowing who was the guy behind one of the most iconic lines in television history. History!
I didn’t have to google and it was still great. The OC 4-eva!
This episode is EXACTLY what this season’s been missing so far: damn good story telling that answers questions in a meaningful way. It reminded me of Desmond’s constant episode, which as we all know won the Nobel Peace Prize for Reminding People That Life is Beautiful.
You would have thought that season 6 would be full of episodes like this – harrowing stories with real emotional pull that work on a grand scale towards solving the mysteries of the island. I hate to be negative, or make it seem like I am in any way straying for the altar of Lindoff and Cuse… but damnit, more of this please.
I’m also aware that my liking of this episode could entirely be linked to the fact that my girlfriend made me a rainbow bit chocolate cake between commercial breaks.
I loved this episode even without funfetti to sweeten the deal.
speaking of, we’re not done with Desmond, right? surely we’re not done with Desmond.
I hope not! If we’re to believe what old lady Stephen Hawking said in that giant pendulum / CheapFlights booking center (“the island’s not done with you yet, best character on the show”) then I’m sure we’ll get more Desmond. If not, we riot.
And honestly, as each episode passes, and we get closer and closer to the end, I have a sneaking suspicion that the finale is actually just going to be a two hour PowerPoint presentation given by the producers (and maybe Hurley) explaining all the connections and answering all remaining questions. And I WOULDN’T MIND AT ALL.
Oh god, I hope not. Every week Henry Ian Cusick is in the credits and every week they fail me again. Desmond and Faraday better be out there as kickass TIME COPS jumping through ALTERNATE REALITIES and BREAKING HEARTS along the way, is all I’m saying. Just give me Desmond, Lost.
I had no idea Jacob was Jewish! He was all like “take a load off with this wine in this Kiddush cup, Richard! L’Chayim!”
I have a White Whine related to this episode: I’ve don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone on TV speak in understandable Russian.
Also, people were still calling it “The New World” in 1867?
I admit, I had a dyslexic moment and thought the entire Canary Islands thing happened in 1687, which would have made a LOT more sense with the “New World” and slavery references.
I know right? Me too! I didn’t realize it was 1867 until I saw the screencap.
who said “The New World” they were referring to was America, HMMMM?!?
I was positive that the guy who bought Alpert had the surname Whitmore, but then I rewatched and it was Whitfield. How annoyingly close!
Anyways, it would have made more sense if this was set in 1767, or earlier even. But I could get the New World reference if it was Whitmore and he was intentionally setting out for the Island.
Did you catch the Captain Hanson thing? I am sure it means nothing…or does it?
Hanso?
You mean, Captain Hanso? It has to mean something. I don’t think 19th century shipmates were big on name-dropping.
magnus hanso.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanso_Foundation
didn’t you play along with the lost experience in 2006?!
Magnus Hanso as in Hanso Foundation as in responsible for funding the Dharma Initiative.
I’ll take my bonus nerd points now please.
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I was also very confused by the “New World” reference. I guess someone missed their American history class with Dr. Linus.
People were still calling it the Ne World in a867. People in Europe still call it the new world today in some instances. It’s a European thing.
Also, people were still calling it the New World in 1867.
People in Europe still call it the New World today, in some instances. It’s a European thing. It just a name for the Western Hemisphere (N and S America & Australia).
There, now my post is more educational and spelled correctly.
This is epidose was a good example of two things that Lost does really well. The first is making me care about a character. I have always liked and enjoyed Richard Alpert’s character, but had no emotional connection with him, but this episode gave me that emotional link. I think they could probably make me care about a cereal bowl. It doesn’t hurt that the acting is also across the board (with Kate not being on the board) great.
The second thing is that the show refuses to boil things down to black and white, even though that is one of the visual themes of the show. Jacob, who is supposedly “good,” is a smug dick who wails on a hungry slave, twice. He denies RA’s first two requests (his wife and forgiveness) but grants immortality, with a chuckle–something that he’s got to know sucks–because obviously Jacob knows that someday there will be Kesha and Richard will never know the blessing of dying before that time. On the other hand, the MIB always appears sympathetic, even after total kill-fests. His story about his mother, he pleas that he just wants off this crazy island–totally understandable. Again, great acting.
I love that the show is not about huge abstract issues like good and evil so much as it is about human every day concerns–how can I be a good person, what do I have to do to survive, the desire for those things we cannot have–and how people negotiate those choices. We can understand that these choices are very complex–sometimes we don’t make the right choice, or we do but for the wrong reason, but it all points toward people being able to rise above our base nature, even in a universe that is essentiallly cold and meaningless.
To be fair to Jake the Snake, I don’t think he’s refusing to give Ricardo his wife or forgiveness, I don’t think he can actually do those things. I think he’s basically saying he’s not god. He’s just really good at magic tricks.
I totally agree with what you said about the Jacob/Man in Black ambiguity. The scenes between Richard and Jacob really underscored that in this episode – how Jacob’s first action was to attack Richard, which isn’t really the picture of the benevolent leader. I think it’s interesting how Jacob and the Man in Black talk to the other characters. MiB seems to be providing people with concrete answers and a concrete goal – a goal that’s very appealing to many of the characters. Jacob’s always been very vague and asking people to just trust in his word. And even though Jacob called the MiB a manipulative person, Jacob’s pretty manipulative himself. While this show can have it’s bad moments, I think this dynamic is pretty clever and fun to watch.
Everyone knows that your first wish is for unlimited wishes!
Totes. And how Richard is supposedly trying to get people to choose to be good but then organizes the completely slaughter of the whole Dharma community? Oh, WHAT IS GOOD????
No one has pointed out yet the correlation between Jacob being pissed off and the newly smashed statue. If I was Jacob and was like, “I’m totes bringing this ship to the island with a tidal wave storm.” And then said storm I made smashed the ship into my home before sending it WAY inland, I’d be like, “FUCK. Well, that’s my fault. But FUCK. My awesome statue is totally broken. GODDAMMIT. UUNNNGHHHHH.”
So then when some dude from the ship shows up to check out my smashed statue I’d be all about kicking his ass too. It would be shifting the blame, sure, but that just shows how Jacob’s not perfect, as stated above in Mans post.
Ok, professor Spanish slave ships here– from my understanding, the Canary islands belonged to Imperial Spain, which didn’t abolish slavery outright in its colonies (which included “New World” places, like Cuba) until 1886. Now, I know that might not totally explain why a presumably English captain is purchasing these slaves, but it is conceivable he’s working within the laws of the Spanish empire (just breaking his own, if he’s taking them back to English colonies).
Or in other words, I WILL BELIEVE/DEFEND ANYTHING LOST TELLS ME!!!!!
The captain of the Black Rock wasn’t actually the English guy though, it was Magnus Hanso, (whose descendant Alvar Hanso founded the Dharma Initiative) and that guy is Danish, and Denmark abolished the slave trade in 1803 and slavery outright in 1848. So my guess is that the slave ship was an illegal PIRATE slave ship or something.
But of course none of this explains why the slaves were all white Spaniards. I still feel icky about that. And Richard’s Amistad move with the nail? Yiiiiiiiikes racejail.
GIVE US FREE
Wine bottle smash = the nuclear bomb.
= my mind exploding!
METAPHORS!
I think it’s called “The Nukuler Option,” in the parlance of our times.
Jacob is filibustering the Smoke Monster’s bill.
And Smokey is all we’ll pass this bill through reconciliation!
If the season finale ends with Jacob closing a book called ‘The Stand 2: Island Boogaloo’ I will be incredibly dissapointed!
I will be thrilled beyond belief.
Strangely, I will be both.
Easily my favorite episode so far. Richard + Answers = me squealing like a little girl.
How do you stab the devil in the back? What if you miss?
One rule I asked you to follow. ONE!
I had it made before he died. It’s not in poor taste.
Locke is great and all, but am I the only one that wishes the smoke monster was still in the body of the ‘looks like your mother fucked a monkey’ guy from Deadwood?
No, I bet that actor wishes he was still playing the part. Imagine how sad he was when he heard that Smoke Monster was gonna be ALL over season six, and the part would be played by…someone else!
I actually liked this episode for the most part, although I hate how blase Hurley is about speaking with ghosts, at the beginning and end of the episode. Is that supposed to be cute, how blase he is about that? Because it’s not cute at all, it seriously undercuts the drama and mystery the show is supposed to be about.
Eh I don’t know, everyone seems to have a supernatural power at this point right? Like Hurley can talk to ghosts, Miles can communicate with the dead, Kate has a supernaturally annoying way of destroying every life she touches. Seriously she is the King Midas of life-ruining. It is so unfair that Juliet died and Kate didn’t, and I didn’t even like Juliet. What was I even saying before this, who knows, all that matters is Kate is just the worst.
I always thought that Stains looked just like Mitch McConnell the politician (from Kentucky?)
I have been laughing for 15 minutes. Thank you SO MUCH.
“WTF Jacob? We’ve been living on this island since the beginning of time and you’re still give me a lousy white rock on my birthday? EVERY! SINGLE! YEAR! Come on, that lame metaphor joke stopped being funny 3,000,000,000 years ago!”
Pretty sure that wasn’t just any swirlie — it was a BAPTISMAL swirlie. This show, it likes its religious metaphors.
Also, as I said at the beginning of the episode, Richard Alpert and the four-toed statue are my two favorite island mysteries. So a show that explained both why Alpert lives forever and why there’s only a foot hanging around on the island today (the Black Rock smashed it? awesome) is A+++.
Ok, so two questions. Or, only two questions for now, as I still have a million questions:
1) So Richard Alpert basically does not get any more information than this for another 140 years (aka, a Tweetury)? No wonder the bitch has gone crazy.
2) Ok, so in Bizarro LA the Island has been destroyed by a nuclear bomb in 1977. Does that mean the evil got out or that the evil is under the ocean? Cause everyone’s life seems to be better in Bizarro LA without Jacob having influenced peoples’ lives, and basically in general. If it’s the former, then whu-huh? And if it’s the latter, than we’re going to need another nuclear bomb, I guess.
These are genuine questions people. Frankly, I think I’d be pretty satisfied if the last episode was just the Losties sitting in a classroom while Jacob wrote things on a chalkboard and said stuff like, “So you see, the Dharma Initiative represents Modern Man and Season 4 was a metaphor for the struggle between Faith and Science.” And Hurley could say things like, “But what the fuck about Walt!?!”
I know I’m super late here and who even cares anymore, this episode aired last year in internet time, but everyone keeps talking about peoples’ lives being better in Sideways LA, and… are they really? Locke’s sure, he finally came to terms with the wheelchair and seems well-adjusted. Jack, maaaaaaybe, though he still seems to have all the same my-daddy-did-not-love-me issues. But everyone else we’ve seen is still kinda fucked, no?
Jack’s daddy issues seem a lot less prevalent, he won’t have the post-Island meltdown, and he has a son. Sawyer is a cop instead of a con man, so his life at least took a better turn. Claire seems to be coming to terms with having a baby, and will soon be reunited with her father’s family. Hurley is a lucky guy instead of an unlucky guy. And who gives a fuck about Kate?
At any rate, they don’t seem to be any worse off for not having had Jacob in their lives. YET, of course, but what I was really getting at is where is the evidence of all the evil leaking out into the world that Jacob seems so preoccupied with. So, if the “evil” is buried under the ocean, then let’s just blow it up again in Present Day Actual Island world.
I don’t know. Maybe the most intriguing part of this episode was that the Island used to somehow be in the middle of the Atlantic instead of the South Pacific. And that the Smoky Man in Black can turn silver trinkets into gold necklaces.
wow, I didn’t even catch the alchemy goin’ on.
For realsies? Did that happen?
The biggest question this episode raised for me is; when Richard dropped the nail in the Black Rock, why did he try to GRAB IT WITH HIS FACE? Use your legs, dumbass! They are longer than your torso.
His legs were chained too.
Bwuh?
to be fair, his legs weren’t chained there, but ol’ smokey unlocked chains on richard’s legs later. so… yeah.
Continuity: Whatever, FUCK.
I’d read shipsgum. I’ve always wanted to know how to tact the boom-mast and stuff.
It’s tack, not tact. Damn it – I should write shipsgum! I can also tell you the difference between sloop, yawl & ketch and that fo’c'sle is an abreviation of “forecastle” and is pronounced like foke-sil. No one ever wants to hear all of this good information!
The last words of Alvar Hanso were as follows:
“Laddies, strap on the dildos! Batton down the butt plugs, it’s gonna be quite a gale! You! And you! Grab a cock ring and meet me on the poopdeck! You’re gonna make it, son! You’re gonna make it!”
That’s the thing about Richards, man. I get older, they stay the same age.
More like DICKS I mean right?
All right, all right, all riiiight…
So, to make Richard immortal, Jacob touched him. Does this mean that all of the candidates are immortal, because Jacob touched THEM before they came to the island? It seems like he would give them some say in that… (Although, he didn’t ask if they wanted to come to a deserted island and become candidates in the first place.)
I don’t think so. He gave Richard a wish and to never dies is what Richard requested. I don’t think that touching him makes you immortal automatically.
God I hope not- he touched Kate.
Didn’t Richard say that Jack wouldn’t die when they were hanging out with the dynamite in the Black Rock a few eps ago?
Another example not necessarily Jacob-related would be Michael continually trying to kill himself, but Mr. Friendly said the ISLAND wasn’t done with him yet.
So maybe Jacob was involved, maybe the Man In Black was involved, or maybe it was the island in a broad sense. Who knows at this point? It’s still kind of undetermined for the time being.
In season 3 or 4, or whatever, didn’t the Hanso corporation buy a journal or diary written by someone on the Black Rock??? Huh…
I think it was Charles Whitmore who purchased the Black Rock diary.
Not to discount good airtight logic, but I figured that Captain Stabby had ‘the sickness’ and was just straight up murdering because he was crazy with it. Like Rosseau’s crew.
that’s sense making. too bad there weren’t near that jacuzzi that looks like the bog of eternal stench.
Hot tub time machine?
SPOILER ALERT! …the last episode will be a two hour, no holds barred battle between Ricardo’s eyelashes and “Crazy Claire’s Crazy-Wig™”.
Last night I was catching up on last week’s episode on my DVR, and when I saw the preview for this episode, I was so psyched… but not half as pscyhed as when I discovered that Richard’s episode had ALREADY been recorded last night, and I didn’t have to wait. When is the DVR, indeed.
this show is like spinal surgery performed by a team of howler monkeys.
“HE’S FLAT-LINING! GET ME 1000 MG’s OF MONKEY SPIT!!!”
With only 7 episodes left until the series finale, next week we find out what Nikki and Paulo have been doing underneath all that sand for the last 3 season.
Over commenting today, but:
WHERE’S THE MONEY, ALPERT? WHERE’S THE MONEY SHITHEAAAD?
I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING UNIQUELY INSIGHTFUL
Richard’s always building that clipper shippy thingy in that BOTTLE, that will eventually have a CORK.
Don’t wanna have to stoop down to actually explaining it BUT: the Black Rock is evil, and Ricardus likes to recycle metaphors!
do you mean the Black Rock the ship, or the black rock that represents MIB? IS THERE A DIFFERENCE? TRYING TO KEEP MIB IN THE BOTTLE AHHHH
I rant on about this a few comments under this, but this got me thinking even more. the Black Rock destroys the statue of tawaret, the symbol of rebirth. the black rock aka MIB does not believe in rebirth, he thinks all humans are always corrupted.
and when he enters the remaining vestiges of tawaret 150 years later to destroy jacob ( who himself is a symbol of rebirth), he does it by having finally turned ben evil and proving MIB right: there is no rebirth.
BUT WAIT, DERE’S MORE: cuz ben, after all he has done -is- reborn. thanks to the help of someone under jacob’s guidance.
oh, you, Lost. oh, you.
I’m pretty sure this is an appropriate place to vent on pet peeves, so here goes..
Thunder and Lightning in television… always strikes at the same time! which rarely happens in real life! the only time I’ve seen that happen is when the lightning hit my next door neighbour.
This episode answered a lot of important questions for me …. about health care. Maybe if doctors on the Canary Islands in 1867 weren’t such jerks, and their medicine wasn’t so expensive (and also Cocaine!?!), and their floors didn’t hate getting dripped on so much, then maybe Richard’s wife doesn’t die and he never kills anyone and this show stops wasting so much of its potential on a weak heaven/hell, good/evil analogy.
I guess what I’m saying is I’m Team Universal Health Care. Because Lost.
Why does everyone think the medicine was cocaine. It was a white liquid, not white powder. Also, viscosity or something.
Wait, cocaine isn’t liquid? Gah. And to think I wasted a whole afternoon trying to snort that stuff.
I just really want to time travel to the past so I can get some of those luxurious v-neck shirts.
first episode of the season i havent been high for and it STILL blew my mind
also
“Business in the front, mountains in the back”
also
gabe’s commentary on lost is the only thing i love almost as much as lost
I usually post long essays, but there’s not really much to say after this episode. Besides, the theory that the bottle smashing could be the hydrogen bomb.
So MIB = Evil?
Something that I thought of was that if you were Jacob or Smokey and knew thata fucking hydrogen bomb was going to go off on the Island, you’d figure out a way to do something about it.
Also, it is interesting that Jacob said the Island was meant to contain an evil buildup, while a few seasons ago (before all this God/Devil shtuff) they said the numbers were put in to prevent a catastrophic electromagnetic buildup.
Evil = Electromagneticismcity?
But then, it was Desmond allowing the build-up to occur that (supposedly?) caused the plane crash? But THEN, isn’t Jacob the one who brings people to the Island? So Jacob = Electromagneticismicity = Evil = MIB?
also, Richard’s ship breaks the statue meant to represent rebirth? and then he is granted immortality, no longer able to die (be reborn in the afterlife) HMMMM
the warthog was definitely the MIB in animal form. he knocked the nail out of Richard’s hand to make him more desperate and easier to manipulate when the time came. I doubt that Richard screaming “I’LL KILL YOU, I’LL KILL YOU” at the MIB (unknown to him) is hardly a coincidence on the writer’s part, considering how murder was such a big deal to him.
speaking of, Jacob straight acknowledges that there is a Hell when Richard asks him about it. totally noticed the shot of Richard’s eye after the Smoke Monster encounter. could that mean that at the very beginning of LOST, Smokey had just been hovering above Jack’s face? That makes sense, that he would examine everyone as soon as they got there.
And then if we saw Smokey did have something to do with the Hydrogen bomb, didn’t we see Kate’s eye open at the beginning of Season 6? Then Smokey could have been hovering over them then too, observing the events?
The Smoke Monster kills those who are already evil, because he has nothing to prove by letting them live. That could be why he killed Eko, because though he had seen his past the first time, he was not sure of how he felt about it. With the speech that he gave to MIB/Yemi, he pretty much cast himself into an impenetrable moral middleground. “Yeah I did fucked up shit, but fucked up shit happened to me. It is what it is.” which means that Smokey had nothing to prove anymore, and why he got pissed.
And then, of course, he killed Eko in the shape of a cross. Good thing other religions don’t exist.
woops. guess there was more nerdjuice in me than I thought.
I really only made this post to say that Richard is fucking hot. because Richard is fucking hot. great acting on Nestor Carbonell’s part too. can we clap it up for this man?
Eko wasn’t killed because he was evil. He was killed because MIB was considering Eko as a ‘candidate’ to jump through all the hoops that he finally got Locke to do, and Eko saw through the MIB’s ruse, shouting at him that he was not his brother Yemi. “Who are you? You are not Yemi!” Then Fake Yemi storms off, Eko chases after him into the jungle and is then killed by the smoke monster.
Mr. Eko was one bad-ass, righteous motherfucker. There was no way MIB could have manipulated him fully. Eko’s faith was too strong. If you think about it, he and Locke are both men of faith, but Eko’s faith was much more unwavering, and ultimately led to his demise.
The MIB saw Locke in the season 1 finale (and didn’t kill him) because he saw the potential such a weak-willed individual presented for his plans. Locke is the weak, and Eko WAS the tyranny of evil men. (I don’t know if that works, I just wanted to use a Pulp Fiction quote)
No, he didn’t see through the ruse. Yemi said “are you ready to be forgiven?” or something to that effect, and Eko made his big speech. Then Yemi was visibly less warm and said “You speak to me as if I am your brother” at which point Eko says who are you and all that jazz
Even still, Eko was rejecting MIB-in-the-guise-of-Yemi’s influence over him. He was not going to cooperate, he did not seek absolution, which everyone who MIB has manipulated has. When they do is when MIB says he can give them that, new life, bring back dead lost ones, etc.
Eko’s rejection was what caused MIB to kill him, not that Eko was “evil.” No one is just evil, and one could argue the MIB has killed plenty of people who were evil. MIB seems more bent on eliminating potential threats that are worthless towards his own goals.
I actually agree with you, I didn’t mean to say that Eko was evil, I just worded my thoughts wrong. Friends?! : )
Of course! When talking LOST theories, it is always preferable to kept a cool head. I was way wrong in remembering the details of that scene, and I thank you for jogging my memory.
oh, but then the baptism jacob gives richard. richard is reborn, right next to the shattered statue of rebirth. dirnfuontuofntnvvtinvnvtito
+jacob must have picked richard on purpose. he must have picked a man he knew would ask to be granted immortality, because otherwise MIB was just going to murderize his ass as soon as he didn’t do what he wanted.
<333333
YOU CRAZY FOR THIS ONE RICH!
wierdo christian undertones in lost?
i say
“STOP DROWNING YOURSELF, RICHARD! WHY ARE YOU DROWNING YOURSELF? STOP DROWNING YOURSELF!”
how can the statue be taweret with a man’s torso and legs? — and i mean MAN’S, not just human’s.
my egyptology is rusty, but i can tell the difference between gods and goddesses; also has there even been an official darlton naming of the statue?
If you don’t speak spanish, you should know that this: Ricardo haves a Cuban accent; Isabella, something like Colombian accent; el doctor: Mexican accent. Weird.
There are some recent video interviews with Carbonell where he expresses elation that Richard is from the Canary Islands, because his Spanish is with a Cuban accent and the accent of SPanish speakers from the Canary Islands is similar.
As for Isabelle and the doctor- I know that the casting directors of LOST hire TONS of local Hawaiian talent, so their pool of actors isn’t as large as if they were throwing their metaphorical casting net over the acting pond of Los Angeles. Maybe if they did they could synch up accents better, but I kind of doubt it.
The show is in English, so I don’t think they concern themselves too much with foreign accents. I bet they’re happy just getting people who can speak the language well enough and look right for the part.