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B-SHOC presents “Christ-Like Cruisin’”:
This song isn’t very good (whaaaaaaat?!) but it does remind us of the very important teachings of Jesus Christ, which say that you should save all of the money you make at Quiznos by living at your grandparents’ house so that you can afford an expensive car that stands in stark contrast to your actual economic means. Then, once your depressingly inappropriate car is tricked out, Jesus says, you should spread His gospel through miserable fake raps written on your boy Dice’s computer. “And the MEGAbass should shake the cereal bowls.” (Jeremiah 4:8:15:16:23:42.) Because life is precious, and God, and the bible. (Thanks for the tip, Josh and Ben.)
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People are weird.
Mr. Chomsky, shut your mouth; you look stupid, and it’s ruining this website.
How dare you, Stan?
Mr. Orange Pompadour crowned adorable sloth,
I seen you ’round for a long long time
I really ‘membered you when you drink my wine
Why can’t we be friends?
Why can’t we be friends?
Why can’t we be friends?
-Noam Chomsky
This puts me in mind of this Christian Hip Hop Classic, “Baby Got Book.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4
Every bit as good as you would expect.
oh
my
god
Pastor Dan keeps it SO real, y’all.
We watched this in my sociology course the other day (COLLEGE)! I proceeded to rant to my class at length about how much I hate fake rap, and how fucked up it is that so many fundamentalist Christians are OK with using hip-hop to espouse their beliefs while otherwise demonizing it in popular culture.
And then I corralled the entire class into one big Christian side-hug.
This nation has certain heroes,
people we put on stamps and tell our children about.
You are one of them.
I like that his southpaw ring is on his right hand.
Just so you guys know, the first “related” video to this is a video of a baby “latching” onto his mother’s breast for the first time from the channel “BreastfeedingBabies.” Uh….what? Proof:
stuff like this always confuses me, the only reason this parody is even remotely funny is the double entendres, which one would only laugh at if it was the other way around. I mean, ‘holy’ could have been used in so many different ways.
Also the fact that the pastor prefers a picture bible. SHUT IT DOWN.
Goddammit!!
You stupid, petty, Prince-looking No Island remembering Motherfucker!!
(Mr. Show links should happen more often)
Jesus wears Affliction, Heathens wear Ed Hardy.
I bet T-Pain even thinks this is too much auto tune. He does have nice teeth though… So… That’s a plus!
Resurrection of Auto-Tune!
Speaking of whom, I’d like to apologize to you, T-Pain, on behalf of all of us, probably, for all the negative things we said about you in the past. You really are a national treasure if this is the alternative. At least you are able to use Autotune… you know… IN TUNE, because I had thought that was something the program did automatically, hence the name of the program, but apparently I was misled and it actually requires at least a basic level of competence from the operator in order to function as advertised. Also, let’s be honest; reverse cowgirl is a pretty great sexual position. I personally wouldn’t write a tribute song-poem about it, but that’s just me, and T-Pain just gotta be T-Pain, and why can’t we let you be great?
But this guy… I know Jesus was supposed to be all about love thy neighbor, but I think even he would have trouble with a neighbor like this. At the very least, I bet he’d be all, “B-SHOC, I love ya, I really do, but maybe you should think about diluting your impressively high concentration of annoying personality traits with some hobbies that don’t automatically make other people want to go away from you. Because you’re really not winning many sympathetic hearts and minds over to your cause (note that I didn’t say “our cause,” because I’m not quite on board with this just yet). Right now, it appears that instead of being a productive thirtysomething privileged white American male with a job that contributes to society, you just lazily drag yourself out of bed at 10 am every morning (a time that many people would consider “sleeping in”), materialize some Christian-themed Affliction clothes on your person (I hope that wasn’t some form of black magic), drive around in a clearly materialistic vehicle that’s aesthetically hideous to most of the five senses, and use me-beats to violently resonate senior citizens who really want nothing more than to watch their televangelist television programs and slurp their gruel in peace. These people already have enough fear and confusion in their lives without you terrorizing them on a daily basis, and they’re probably already Christians anyway. I’ll admit it was a nice sentiment to let your grandparents be in your music video, but it’s not really helping you look very good. Neither does the goatee.
Your pal,
Jesus”
You are becoming my fav monster so quickly.
I like you too Skinny Tie. You can post irrelevant gifs ANY TIME, far as I’m concerned.
I will x2 this so hard.
I heard that too – I can’t believe he auto-tuned himself out-of-tune.
Jesus was all about one thing: waking up at 10 and shaking the shit out of his elderly neighbors’ house.
No, no Jesus-beats for me today, Young Man. Ummm I just ordered a bunch yesterday. Yes, uh, come back… never. Great, awesome, BYEEE
Gabe, you don’t have to invent biblical verse to describe this situation. I think “Jesus wept” (John 11:35) pretty much covers it.
This guy is lying. I didn’t see Jesus in the other seat.
Nobody fucks a-with de Jesus.
Yeah, but he’s a pervet, Dude.
Eight year olds, dude.
What’s a Pederast Walter?
Shut the fuck up, Donny.
I’m surprised he doesn’t drive a Chrysler PT Cruiser.
This video needs more sidehugs.
Damn it, you beat me to it. But I at least I can get some tax rebates through Christ, right?
I went to high school with this guy. His name is Bradley Shockey and he’s been rolling in that same 1999 Chevy Cavalier since then. Though back in high school before, presumably, he got a job, B-Rad (that’s what ppl called him) could only afford to put an unpainted body kit on his Cavalier. He was really easy to spot around town, when you heard some Jesus beats and saw a blue 1999 Chevy Cavalier with primer grey ground fx and a some chrome hub caps from Advanced Auto Parts, you knew it was B-Rad. Also, he seems to have grown a goat. Glad to see he’s doing well though.
This has to be Ohio..amrite? Also considering you know him, you must know (via his website [which BTW is{n't} awesome]): “Not only is he a rapper, but also a producer of many other Christian artists. B-SHOC has given himself completely to the Lord Jesus Christ and is so excited to live his life for Him. All Glory to God, our Father!”
oh man. if you’re from where i think you’re from, i’m kinda blown away. coughnorthgeorgiacough.
I’m totally kidding about knowing this guy. BUT I grew up in a small town (which, incidentally, is adjacent to Ohio) and being this guy was probably most boys’ dream from the ages of 14-18. Actually, I’m pretty sure most of them would still look up to this guy through their 20s and possibly early 30s. I went to college though so I’m here talking to you guys instead. I just like to tell stories and change the names to protect the innocent.
I upvoted you anyway. YOU CAN MAKE IT UP!
makes sense. i just knew as soon as i saw the landscape that he was definitely from georgia. and then i found his webpage, which outs him as a toccoan, and has all his upcoming awesome tour dates on it (dahlonega’s east egg hunt this weekend, y’all! and the elbertson county fair this fall!). i definitely went to high school with guys exactly like this guy- the accent, the haircut, the car, the love of jesus and of waffle house. georgia in my heart, and on my mind.
Oh, Waffle House. Whenever I go down South, I feel compelled to visit one, and whenever I do I’m like “I glad I live in New Jersey.”
“Imagine a gas station bathroom that sells waffles. That’s a Waffle House.” – Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan’s Waffle House bit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz1cfwFmv1w&feature=related
Upvote to infinity and beyond.
Whatever! I totally love the Waffle House! Even though last time I went to one, I ended up in the hospital. (No joke, the bill was like $600. What? As a Canadian, I was unprepared.)
When I first looked at this I thought, “Well I get the Jesus picture, but those radishes don’t make any sense.” I am an idiot.
This is exactly what I did.
But the storm only made pulling into the harbor and stepping onto beautiful dry land that much more sweet.
That much more sweet.
Same! I was like Jesus…..beetroots…….beets? JESUS BEATS. I struggle to open doors too!
I don’t know vegetables (mom, you were right!), so I thought: Jesus… turnip? Jesus turnip the beat on that soundsystem on my Chrystler? I thought it was a weird pun or something. It took me like two minutes to figure out those were beats. Well played!
I thought we were saying that Jesus was Rad(ishes). Jokes are fun!
This.
This makes me happy.
These guys knew what you were talking about, That One.
you get all of the up votes that i have to give.
HOW DID YOU GET THEM BOFF TO SHOW UP!?
Just hit return before posting the next one.
I feel like werttrew right now.
Those are some next-level beets
The thing which disturbs me the most about this video is the fact he wears socks in bed. I bet Jesus even knew not to wear socks with his sandals. So don’t wear them in bed!
Jawbone 3:14
It won’t be long before this guy is in a parody music video entitled ‘On A Cross’
Whoa! Worlds be colliding!
That was in response to West’s comment, so I don’t know what happened. I blame B-SHOC, who’s megabass shook the computer so much that I kept hitting the wrong keys.
he is from toccoa, georgia. this is pretty much what you would call “spot on” as far as toccoa goes.
I love that I live in Georgia and have no clue where Toccoa is, nor that it even existed.
My favorite part of this is when he’s in front of that colonoscopy video, though he might want to make a follow-up appointment. I don’t think a colon should be that color green.
I think this video is perfect, but B-SHOC should deinterlace before he rocks (saves) me!
If you are over the age of 75, you should not take Christ-like Cruisin’ ™ as it may lead to symptoms such as:
-Inability to rake
-Problems operating a standard household phone
-Difficulties ingesting liquid, such as tea or soup
-Loss of memory on how to water grass
-Lack of judgment by getting into stranger’s cars
If you sustain these symptoms of Christ-like Cruisin’ ™ for more than 4 hours, consult your physician.
christ died for our rims.
Please make this a bumper sticker!!
(I don’t have a car, but I will save up to buy one just so I can put this bumper sticker on it.)
so that every spinner might be saved
“I think this is catchy and pretty cool, great message and nice video “- Youtube comments.
“I think this is catchy and pretty cool, great message and nice video” – XtremeChristkat55
His album is called “Against the Flow” and I bet he makes more money than I do…
Well, he certainly is against the flow because I didn’t hear any of it in that song.
ZING!
STAUNCHLY So, amirite?
nailed him!
Just like…. JESUS!
I’ll see myself out.
it took me an insane amount of time to figure out that was a book, presumably the bible. i thought it was weird looking pan pipes.
He actually doesn’t make much money doing his concerts – but I guess “intelligent” people like you wouldn’t understand doing something you believe in just because you want to help people. You’re too busy making fun of anybody doing something worthy of noticing. He is hero to the kids all over North Georgia. As a matter of fact, there are oodles of adults who love his music! Check your “grown up” linguistics and then show me what you all have been doing to help the kids in your community stay off of drugs and away from violent gangs. JUST SAYING…sounds like a bunch of clueless people who are bored cause they’re lazy.
And Christ said to his followers from the mound “Let your hat be bedazzled” Affliction 3:16
“from the mound”
That’s some next level shit for real.
I’m rolling on Leviticus 22′s yo
Real Christ-like cruisin’
man, image post fail. i suck at technology. disregard that random floating caption. just know it was a picture of a baby on a donkey and it was adorable.
Old people just don’t understand Jesus.
Yeah, so according to his lyrics: Old people = Satan?
Wait. Now I’m at the end of the video and the old man is in the passenger seat. Satan = Jesus, then? mindblown.
I’m pretty sure the decal on his car spells “cruisin” wrong.
He’s traveling in style like the big J.C used to, tricked out car, NOT used for picking up women.
personally, I’m offended that Mr. Shock would presume to know the way in which our lawd would ‘cruise’. I’ve seen the documentary Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and I know Jesus was humble and poor.
WWJDrive?
I’m pretty sure he would just ride the bus (via Joan Osborne)
As a former attendee of Presbyterian Sunday School and Youth Group (Presbyterians: you’d never know we were founded by terrifying Calvinists!), I feel qualified to say that God would NOT approve of the sins of pride and vanity this young MC is committing.
Jesus does not want you to live it up; He wants you to sell your worldly goods and give the proceeds to the needy. And no, you don’t “need” an acid-green ride with beats in the trunk, pal; don’t even front.
Man I really hated church but at least I got the “don’t be a fuckface” message.
Frankly as I see it, only a Jew-Pagan would drive a car not in metallic lime green.
WWJD? Apparently this guy’s answer is: interrupt everyone’s yard work.
from now on i’m just going to assume that every car that passes me with obnoxious, throbbing bass is somebody trying to spread the gospel. YA HEARD!
This guy has an awesome beatitude.
Blessed are the goateed:
for they shall inherit the earth.
Creepy video of kid singing along to B-SHOC of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMK-oKYThUI
But are his Jesus beats NEXT-LEVEL Jesus beats? My avatar says no.
That felt much longer than 4 minutes and 58 seconds. So much longer.
Big up to my Lord & Savior.
“Jesus, what if I told you the Meek could inherit something a WHOLE lot better than the Earth?”
*rack focus to the Christ-Like Cruiser*
I looked back and there was only one set of skid marks…
I love it when dudes like this make hip hop music because it’s the special type of horrible that could only exist in an ultra-sheltered inclusive little scene where the artist never EVER runs the risk of coming into contact with an actual rapper who might scoff at him a li’l bit. If this guy was accountable to the ‘secular’ music world, he’d be raked across the coals for this so intensely that he’d probably implode in a flurry of Affliction gear and Chick tracts.
“Grandpa! pretend you can’t hear me!” “Whaaa?! …I can’t hear you!” “Exactly! cup your ears like you can’t hear my beats!” “Whaaa?! …” “Jus like that!”
I’m with this guy.
he said. “a whole nother”
i would like to exchange these size 16 jesus beats for some size 13 jesusless beats. also, if i could just go ahead and exchange b-shoc for a b-real, if you have any in stock right now, that would be dandy.
He wasn’t wearing his safety belt! I’ll bet Jesus is safety belt, auto insurance and health insurance. Topical?
Ugh! I miss the comment preview.
The Fast and the Christ-Like: Crucifix Drift
So predictable that grandpa gets on board in the end. Christians have got the winking smiley face twist ending game cornered.
Other songs by B-Shoc include: God’ll Make you Clap, We Rock We Roll, Crazy Bout God, Soul Patrol, and, of course, My Hero Walks on water.