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I am assuming that the reason Ke$ha has yet to apologize for her embarrassing and nightmarish performance on last night’s American Idol (as if there is another kind of Ke$ha performance) is because she has been too busy visiting the bedsides of people whose ears were melted off. She is a true American hero. So I have drafted an apology for her, and she should just feel free to publish it under her own name at her earliest possible convenience (I am assuming that means sometime after the Flamin Hot Cheetos N’ Fireworks Outlet closes).
Dear America,
I am so sorry for my miserable performance of my miserable “song” “Blah Blah Blah” on American Idol last night. Although the producers invited me to perform on the show for some reason, it was my responsibility to decline, knowing the damage I would cause to millions of Americans’ faces. My voice is a disaster even with the assistance of computer manipulation, so you can imagine how when I sing live it is just the sound of a wild animal crashing through a haunted forest, shrieking as the demons continue their pursuit. I am just so so sorry that anyone had to hear that. And it doesn’t help that I dress like a blind transvestite from the 1970s who thinks that a garbage dump is a clothing store. I can’t promise that I won’t ever do this, because I’m a goblin, and goblins cannot help but be awful, I do want you to understand that I understand and take responsibility for the consequences of my actions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go look up what “taking responsibility” means in the dictionary.
–It’s Ke$ha, bitches! (Cool original reference I just made up.)
The video for which Ke$ha is (not) apologizing, after the jump:
We live in a dying world spinning wildly out of control. (Via JustJared.)
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This is really a rather brilliant commentary on the media in our modern life. See as Kendra pushes away the t.v as if to say, “I will have no part in this thoughtless society!”. A brave move from young Ms. Kendra. I expect great things from her in the future.
You are the weakest link, Ke$ha, goodbye!
(amidoingitrite?!)
That’s the second Weakest Link reference I’ve heard in the past day since 2002. Weird.
she’s singing really passionately… about some guy that is Blah Blah’ing… i don’t get it.
is she too dumb to have an ironic detachment about her dumb song is my question..?
She’s obviously going to need a lawyer for the amount of people who are going to sue her for destroyed ears. I think Bob Loblaw would be a fantastic choice.
Ha, I can totally imagine Ke$ha in court.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself, Ke$ha?”
“Don’t be a lil’ bitch with your chit-chat”!
“Your honor, just show me where your dick’s at. I want to dance with no pants on. I rest my case.”
I know her lawyer. He’s too busy sending cease-and-desist letters to the websites with fake celebrity porn.
… and I have been pronouncing it Keesha all this time!
How silly of me!
(I didn’t get any farther than that, so thats about he best I can muster)
I can’t watch the video at work…could you spell it phonetically? I like to hate accurately.
It’s Keh-sha, like MEH. I too was calling her Keesha, but correct pronunciation will be important when the masses are calling for her public stoning. Thanks Mr. Seacrest!
When Ke$ha asks for males to show her “where their dicks at” I wonder if she had some horrible experience where young Ke¢ha accidentally saw a male whose penis was where his left nipple should have been. Now, she has to be very specific with men.
I think “young Ke¢ha” will be the best thing I will read all day and yet somehow this does not worry me.
That gives me an idea for a series of young adult novels. Starting with: “The Young Ke¢ha Mysteries: The Case of the Lost Tampon”
In “The Case of the Ghostly Albino” Ke¢ha: “WHAT DA FUUUUUCK?!? Dat ain’t da ghost of MJ, datz Ol’ Man Withers poisoning the townz Sugar Free Red Bull supply!
I have a 13 year old daughter who hates Ke$ha with a passion and I forgot to play this video to just bug the hell out of her. Your comment made her laugh and ask, “Who wrote that? What site? That’s brilliant.”
Her friends adore the hell out of this talentless screecher and it drives her mad. She is going to start using the Ke¢ha spelling above on every post they make about “OMG TIKTOK” on every site she visits.
you know those people who have their set tv show schedule? like, monday night is this particular program, tuesday another program, etc… my dad is one of those people. wednesday night is american idol night! he called me after this mess last night and inquired what exactly is wrong with the musical direction of my generation. for once he’s hip to what gabe is sayin’! it makes me smile when fools with good taste and bad can unite in their hatred of this hot mess.
Her favorite album is Nashville Skyline somehow. Is Bob Dylan responsible for this?
Would her performance of ‘Karma Police’ implicate Radiohead, as well? I shudder to think…
hold on, is there really a “flamin hot cheetos and fireworks outlet?”
i hope to god there is. flamin’ hot cheetos are what i subsist on. when they started selling family sized bags of flaming hot cheetos con limón at wal-mart, i was initially eating two a week. i swear they must put actual crack (or maybe it’s just the msg) in those things.
and i love to blow shit up!
The combination of you eating two family-sized bags of Cheetos and “blow shit up” put an awful, awful image in my head.
But the Kesha song was playing and the two kind of complimented each other.
Well whatever happened, Flamin hot cheetos make you shit red.
It was while putting on his massive electronic TV-head that Roger the back-up dancer knew that finally, FINALLY, he had made it in the biz.
Stepping into the bright lights, the roar of the crowd to his bow, Ryan Seacrest to his stern, ryan reached deep into his massive electronic T.V head, and wiped a the sweat from his brow.
Kneeling and placing his hands out in the air, he thought to himself,
“This is it, Roger, this is it. Show your mother exactly how wrong she was about dropping out of college.”
Then a screech reverberated from the heavens,
Show-time. Lights.
Roger, not Ryan!
I will never get my novel published at this rate..
That’s okay, YOU CAN MAKE IT UP.
I believe those “Televisionhead” dancers are Ke$ha’s subtle homage to her high school talent show performance of Radiohead’s ‘Creep’ where she got her start.
She’s a very deep person, you understand.
Apology accepted.
I believe it was ‘Karma Police.’ Please, let’s get our Ke$ha mythology straight. $he deserves accuracy!
Oh how the tables have turned!
Now I am the one who is sorry!
I guess this is what we get, when we mess with her.
“I, I’m ready to
uffughvomitkill myself.” – meCan I not watch this and just assume it’s god-awful? I don’t need to fill my ears with garbage in the name of irony.
All right.
I watched a little more.
All I have to say is that the duplication software that made it sound like there were multiple Keshas singing the chorus conjured within me the horrible image of twenty Keshas backstage, all dressed in garbage, singing “Blah, Blah, Blah” along with this women.
Kesha is clearly the hydra, and will ravage our towns and steal our children unless some sort of action is taken.
All the heads boys and girls, all the heads at once.
(I, of course, do not mean this seriously. Because beheading Kesha would be bad for everyone, and the thought of Kesha as a pop culture martyr makes me squeamish)
So, I guess, after some thought and aimless meandering,
she just needs to go away.
Please Kesha, please, go away.
For the children.
-Me
I think Britney is the one with permanent orange cheeto fingers, but I see how it’s easy to get two hillbilly blond trainwrecks confused.
Albert Camus would definitely not approve
FAAAAANTAAAASTIIIIIC!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have just opened myself to the gentle indifference of kazoo-playing koalas.
WAT.
I need another sub account to vote this
-oops
It is funny you should say that: Generally, I am very afraid of dying. I do not believe in G-D or the afterlife and I find the thought that someday my ‘self’ will cease to exist to be terrifying. So, from time to time, I read “No Exit” to remind myself how terrible being alive forever would really be–because in a finite universe, eternal life renders all nothing more than a Second Empire decorated salon. But, after a while reading “No Exit” gets old.
Now I have this video to remind me that death is a release that should be looked forward to.
Just a note-
Jean-Paul Sartre wrote No Exit, not Camus.
We shouldn’t get them confused because we want them on our side when the war begins and Ke$hageddon happens.
Oh, I know. It was just the best place for my joke. Sorry if I wasn’t clear.
It’s hard to type with all this eye barf and ear diarrhea on my keyboard.
Is her name pronounced the way Seacrest says it? I’ve been calling her “Quiche-a”. I bet I look like such a dick in front of my little sister’s friends now.
Yea, it’s the white girl version.
Seacrest pronounced it the same way Ke$ha herself pronounced it when she interviewed herself on that video Gabe posted a while back. But let’s be careful here. I’m not going to say something’s “correct” just based on the mutual agreement of Ke$ha and Ryan Seacrest.
I’ve been saying “Queef-a” ….sorry about that.
Sorry about the crassness of my comment…I meant it though.
HUH? I thought it was Puke McPukeface. Whoops!
It actually makes me so sad that kids are listening to this. Not because of the obviously painful sounds that she creates, but the LYRICS! UGH!
I just googled her lyrics to find an example, and found this:
“Oh boy I just can’t wait for History class
It’s my favorite hour of the day
(My favorite hour of the day)
Up on the chalk board I just love your ass
Mmm
When you write notes it shake shake shakes
I can’t put my finger on what’s so sexy
(So sexy)
And why I want you in my bed
(Or on your desk)
Is it your power, your authority?
Or for the thrill of being so, so bad?
Can I please see you after class?
There is something that I have to ask
Mr. Watson I want to get with you
I won’t tell a soul what we’re gonna do”
I was thrown off at first, but then, it was the same ol’ Ke$ha.
You probably feel like I did in 2004 when someone told me that it’s “Nick La-SHAY.” Which is to say, embarrassed, but not too embarrassed.
I’ve been saying Ke-dollarsign-ha. Talk about embarrassing.
Can we just agree that this site is clearly at his best when it hates EVERYTHING? I <3 every single post so much today.
Yeh, for sure. I especially like it when he hates some monsters (trolls etc) cos then I get the weirdest erection.
Does everyone have to try and “rap”? To get down with the kids and all? YIKES.
I’d like to laugh at this, but our culture has so many negative stereotypes about tone-deaf white trash who get dressed in the morning based on a series of dares.
Notice how American Idol [aka THE MAN] made her change some of the lyrics? It’s “I’m gonna be naked” not “I wanna make out”!
You may try and SILENCE THIS POETRY but you will never kill our freedom
I’m concerned NC – first you unfollow me on the twits, now you juss straight up KNO a Kei$ha Lyric? INTERVENTION TIME
Uh… I totally didn’t look up the video on YouTube because it was stuck in my head and cursed the gods as I sang along…
And, dude, you’re cool and all but I’d like to keep this relationship professional [Vgum-related]. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear my tweets about how omg I just got sooo baked with my gang and LOL i just saw alis in wonderland for the 3rd time!!! and now im goin out and gonna score some oxy from a guy that owes me.
True Life: I’m An Obnoxious Teenager
Fair enough – on the creepy scale I should only be following of age monsters.
(Though on the other hand, I totally got baked and played heavy rain so yeah, I don’t know where that hand was going with that.)
Hahah… your kidding right? RIGHT?!1?!
Yes, in reality I spend Saturday nights listening to The Magnetic Fields in my bedroom and reading Arthur Rimbaud. I HAVE NO FWENNNNNNDS IRL!
The important question is..why do you know that?
She also changed “Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat. Just show me where your dick’s at.”
to “Don’t be a little chick with your chit chat. Just show me your arm.”
Because to Ke$ha, dicks and arms are pretty much the same thing, I guess? And all “chicks” are “bitches”?
Also, I promise I discovered this through diligent research on the internet just now for the sake of information and irony and definitely not because I know all the Ke$ha lyrics already (Save me someone, please!)
I am going to turn my chair around backwards and sit in it like a youth group leader for a moment: I really dislike the Kesha and the Katy Perry for this reason–in an effort to seem cool and hip and not uptight they use dumb jock misogyny (am I spelling this right?). Whereas an artist like Lady Gaga or Madonna actually exude confidence and authority and power and can be seen as strong women for that, Keshy and Katy just recycle sub-Maxim Magazine tropes in an effor to be ‘edgy.’ Take “I Kissed a Girl.” I am all for a song that stands for a woman owning her sexuality, but the song makes it clear that she is not a lesbian and clearly is only doing it for titulation. That other song of KP’s where she says “You PMS like a chick” and then Kesha’s excessive reliance on booze and calling men “bitches” are other good examples.
I guess what grates me is that they do these things in the name of being edgy, being a “powerful” woman, but are really just playing into sexist stereotypes–that is, if a girl doesn’t drink till she pukes and screw around then she must just be another uptight bitch. It is all very gross and I find it shameful.
Okay, I am finished.
Nicely stated Mans.
Also, sorry for all the typos. I replaced my regular fingers with Butterfingers (and my spelling with toenail clippings).
What really, especially grates on me is “I Kissed A Girl”.
‘I like kissing girls, but no I am not gay I HOPE MY BOYFRIEND DOESN’T MIND THAT I AM KISSING THIS GIRL and yeah I’M KISSING HER BUT THERE IS NO CHANCE OF ME FEELING ANYTHING FOR HER EMOTIONALLY BECAUSE I AM NOT GAYYYYYYYY GROSSSSSS’
I mean, as a queer girl who is part of the target audience for that song, it is so gross and off-putting. What bothers me is the appropriation of a cursory and trendy aspect of being queer – i.e. kissing someone of the same gender – all the while making sure that everyone knows that you’re only doing it for the boys. It’s pretty telling that the title of Katy Perry’s album is “One Of The Boys”. It’s just perpetuating the idea that in order to be cool and sexy, you have to fit the male idea of what is cool and sexy. GROSSSSS
That said, Katy ur so pretty and cute i want 2 kiss u on teh mouf!! #ihatemyselfforthisbutitstrue
I love you Napoleon, and I wish that was the first time in my life I’d said(typed) that phrase.
Thank you, nursegore! And, yes, more people should be named Napoleon IRL.
The whole song was super censored, which was way too funny. Not that I know the original lines (by heart) or anything.
So, it turns out Ke$ha is no Jim Morrison.
WHO WILL LEAD GENERATION Z?
Gah, this post ended up miles away from where I pictured it.
I actually really enjoy listening to Ke$ha. When I listen to talented singers I’m always overwhelmed by my lack of any discernible artistic talent. Not so with Ke$ha!
Why the hell is she wearing that on her head? Ugh.
Ten minutes later, please tell me someone else got kind of rage-y when he/she saw it. I can be very easily offended at times (my b) but yuck.
I saw and I shook my fist slowly at a dot matrix printer.
I think you and I are the only ones who made it to the end of the video because nobody else mentioned it. And we were all like:
Yes! I also, very regrettably, made it to the end. I was clicking off when 303 came on, so I stuck around because I’d never heard anything from this supposedly famous band from Denver (the closest urban cultural reference to me… I know… so sad). THEN, having heard how terribly those white boys rap, I was ready to click away when ol’ girl came out looking like a cigar store indian! WHUUUUUT?! I think Ke$ha just broke another treaty…
The most surprising thing about this video was now terrible 3OH!3 (between Ke$ha and them I don’t know how to pronounce anyone’s name anymore!) is. Ke$ha is a musical genius by comparison.
I don’t get what’s up with hipsters and headdresses but this is an epidemic that needs to be stopped.
As if Indians don’t have enough to hate us for! JUST LET THEM HAVE THEIR CULTURE, WEIRDOS.
wow. it’s like everything that is unbearble about l’trimm without any of the charm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtqBLiC0aw
also, keh-sha? not key-sha? i feel so terrible that i’ve been saying her name wrong forever.*
*the 3(?) weeks since videogum introduced me to this mess of a human
This is a MadTV skit, right?
I love that smirk on her face when she comes back out with the Indian headress, as if she’s saying to herself, “Da tweet blogz iz gonna go nut$ over this 2morro.”
No Ke$ha, da tweet blogz will not.
My sister told me I remind her of the band 3OH!3. I was so upset about this that I no longer wear my comical head band and shout ‘DO THE HELEN KELLER’ to under aged girls while having my hands down my pants.
What does my sister know, eh?
Your sister knows how to insult you, is what.
haha, love how the second 3 Oh 3′s (fuck formatting that) guy decided it was better to go with “Blah bleh *chortled gasp*” than the original lyrics. He was making his equivalent of the dancing TV statement. You know, how our TV’s talk too much so we should let them be free to dance instead?
i’d actually never made it that far in the song before now, so i’d never actually heard the 3oh3 part before. that was definitely the cherry on the ice cream sunday of shit that this performance was.
Paul Stanley is super-pissed they stole his makeup.
She’s the one who sang over that one Hannah Montana video, right?
The other day, I was walking through a pretty nice neighborhood in DC and I saw a car parked on the street with a 3OH3 bumper sticker. Now, I love DC but this was stunning reminder of what a douche bag this city is.
A Question: Did they instruct the audience to clap in tandem?
“6 Million Units” Now she is up there with the biggest Unit-sellers of our time! (Bob Dylan, Taylor Swift, etc)
Etc means Neil Diamond, right? Tell me you didn’t forget The Jewish Elvis!
Did they say “sold” 6 million units or did they say she “had sex with” 6 million units. Both believable options.
Okay, so the Indian head dress was a little dumb, but WTF with the giant old-timey TV heads? No flat-panel plasma HDTV dancers?
Videogum is a double-edged sword. This was my first exposure to “Ke$ha.”
I’m sorry man, really really sorry. I speak on behalf of all of us.
What’s with the TV head dancers?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Woah! Someone woke up this morning feeling like P Diddy!
Why should we be happy about a market bloated with waste and garbage being taken down a notch? If anything, we are happy that Ke$ha exists to shed light on what garbaggio all of that POP music really is.
Sorry, that first question should have been in all caps or italics so as to show it was being used in a mocking tone.
Yea totally all while she shows off her Native American heritage.
Oh. Wait.
More like pumping garbage in to the music industry! Am I right?
Somebody should tell her that she has something on her eye… how embarassing!
ME WATCHING THE KESHA PERFORMANCE: “Ow……..OW……OWWW!!!! STOP IT!!!! OWWW!!! Mommy!”
(Ow means ouch)
Let’s look at the good. Someone worked really hard to paper-mâché those TV heads. Good work, someone!
That’s a whole lot of awful on stage.
The native american indian headdress is totally edgy and appropriate and BY NO MEANS a feeble attempt to copy Lady Gaga’s eclectic and ridiculous fashion sense. Way to be original, Kesha. Also, when will my ears stop bleeding? I have things to do.
“when I sing live it is just the sound of a wild animal crashing through a haunted forest, shrieking as the demons continue their pursuit.”
I am going to LOL all evening at this.
Hilarious, I also like the video where they do the same thing to Miley Cyrus’ voice for “Party in the USA”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMkiFaVh3AU
why don’t you guys like kesha. honestly.
I don’t think American Idol should invite artists onto the show who could not make it past first round auditions, established or not.
is this a scene from Idiocracy? it is, right? i mean, this isn’t real, right you guys?
Awful. Just awful. Does anyone want a Werther’s Original?
Seriously… painfully horrible. Makes Lady Gaga look like Patti Smith. What have I just witnessed? Who were those guys that came out 2/3 the way through? I’ve become unmoored from reality forever… I feel like I’m going to fall asleep and fall into an eternal nightmare where everyone looks like Kesha and says nothing but “blah”
Why does she always wear that purple make up on her face? It makes it seem like she just gave the tin man a BJ with her right eye socket.
She has named Keith Richards as her fashion inspiration.[8] Her stage makeup is characterized by dramatic makeup at her right eye, inspired by A Clockwork Orange.[34]
Ke$ha also needs to apologize to my computer for causing it to crash within 30 seconds of playing that video.
No lie, at about 21s, the “music” became a series of beeping noises – an improvement, sure – and my screen went black.
I’ve just rebooted and so far so good… But I’m afraid if anything’s actually effed up, I’ll have to explain to our IT department that I was watching a Ke$ha video at the time. I’ll be updating my resume now.
Omg, my station in Philly is letting us pick who we want to see at their Jingle Ball! You have to vote for Ke$ha! Just go to http://www.q102.com