I am assuming that the reason Ke$ha has yet to apologize for her embarrassing and nightmarish performance on last night’s American Idol (as if there is another kind of Ke$ha performance) is because she has been too busy visiting the bedsides of people whose ears were melted off. She is a true American hero. So I have drafted an apology for her, and she should just feel free to publish it under her own name at her earliest possible convenience (I am assuming that means sometime after the Flamin Hot Cheetos N’ Fireworks Outlet closes).
I am so sorry for my miserable performance of my miserable “song” “Blah Blah Blah” on American Idol last night. Although the producers invited me to perform on the show for some reason, it was my responsibility to decline, knowing the damage I would cause to millions of Americans’ faces. My voice is a disaster even with the assistance of computer manipulation, so you can imagine how when I sing live it is just the sound of a wild animal crashing through a haunted forest, shrieking as the demons continue their pursuit. I am just so so sorry that anyone had to hear that. And it doesn’t help that I dress like a blind transvestite from the 1970s who thinks that a garbage dump is a clothing store. I can’t promise that I won’t ever do this, because I’m a goblin, and goblins cannot help but be awful, I do want you to understand that I understand and take responsibility for the consequences of my actions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go look up what “taking responsibility” means in the dictionary.
–It’s Ke$ha, bitches! (Cool original reference I just made up.)
The video for which Ke$ha is (not) apologizing, after the jump:
We live in a dying world spinning wildly out of control. (Via JustJared.)