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I am not a politician, but I feel like I have a basic understanding (see: child’s understanding) of how politics work. I know that you are constantly compromising between your ideals and the pragmatic realities of what can be accomplished, and that it is only every once in a long while if ever that you are able to bring those two things together. I recognize that we live in a complicated world with no definitive answers in which millions of people have their own wants and needs, not to mention ideas about how the world should work, and that it’s impossible to appeal to all of those people and address all those needs much less create a unifying theory of governance that will satisfy everyone. And I also understand that politics is often as much about image and branding as it is about genuine philosophy or even accomplishment. Whoever reduces their message to the most simplistic and easily digested soundbite will often win in a head-to-head race with someone who spends time working through their platform as if it was a complex structure of ideas. It might be frustrating, but that is the state of modern politics, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to change any time soon. I get all that!
But, so, where do the giant evil inflatable CGI blimp face heads come in?
To be fair, Carly Fiorina was also responsible for the Demon Laser Sheep Face campaign ad, so it is not like we did not already know that she is completely bonkers. But man oh man! California, this is definitely your senator. You vote for her, and you feel that she represents you. You put out a Carly Fiorina lawn sign in front of the house you share with your girlfriend:
What a concerned citizen! Maybe TOO concerned? (Thanks for the tip, @malgs.)
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Man, as sad as the original was, Up’s sequel took a dark turn.
At least Pixar made the right decision making sure the sequel wasn’t in 3D…
“Mom! The 3D glasses makes the uncertainty of our country feels like it’s coming right at me!”
At least there is finally a strong female character…
Where was the part where her glasses started focusing lightbeams into white-hot lasers, setting the world below ON FIRE?!?!
I guess I’m glad those Birdemic guys are getting work.
How wrong it is that I am extremely attracted to the float blimp head?
I kind of enjoy the narration in these. Too bad this guy has pigeonholed himself as “The voice of batshit.”
I think it’s the same guy who narrated Anchorman. Which really brings these “ads” full circle for me, actually.
“Are you okay?”
“The United States”
I love how this woman is all, “those of us who DO live in the real world”, yet she’s in a commercial that depicts her opponent as a giant flying head monster. And guess what, crazy lady: If a giant flying head monster ran for office, I would vote my ass off for it. Because why wouldn’t I?
Um, congrats on learning how to make awesome floating blimp-head special effects, Carly Fiorina’s campaign team. I mean, this looks really awesome, in a “hey, check out this kooky political ad” kind of way.
But I’m a little perplexed about where, exactly, this “ad” is intended to be shown. It’s almost eight minutes, which means it’s not going to run on broadcast TV. And no one on the internet watches 8 minutes videos (unless they star Lady Gaga and Beyonce dressed up in clown clothes).
So, where do you plan to air these? At the movies? Projected on the side of a building somewhere?
I mean, again, kudos on the top-notch CGI work here, but next time, maybe spend a couple minutes shoring up your distribution plan so your crazy-person fueled efforts actually get seen, OK?
How can she even boast about being the CEO of HP??
Portfolio’s Worst American CEOs of All Time
#19: Carly Fiorina
A consummate self-promoter, Fiorina was busy pontificating on the lecture circuit and posing for magazine covers while her company floundered. She paid herself handsome bonuses and perks while laying off thousands of employees to cut costs. The merger Fiorina orchestrated with Compaq in 2002 was widely seen as a failure. She was ousted in 2005.
THE STAT: HP stock lost half its value during Fiorina’s tenure.
http://www.cnbc.com/id/30502091?slide=3
This is not a love story, it’s a story about love…
I’m getting a definite neo-dadaist, Terry Gilliam vibe from her campaign. If you view the whole thing as a deeply committed critique of the Kafkan absurdity of the sound byte, cable news branding exercises that pass for politics in the U.S. she comes off as kind of a genius.
In 50 years, bored art students will have to sit through back to back screenings of Un Chien Andalou and the entire Carly Fiorina political ad catalogue, and then be forced to deconstruct the advance of surrealism in supposedly realist works.
Man, when I first saw this post I thought that was Conan O’Brien’s head coming out of the white house. But then I read the title. Now I feel sad.
Same here. I was trying to guess what this was all going to be about.
Um, am I the only one who wants Carly Fiorina in the Senate just so we can have years and years of videos like this that are just bonkers? She is basically The Room of senate canidates.
YOU’RE DESTROYING OUR STATE, CARLY
Arnold didn’t do that already?
Man, it’s all about the source with this kind of crazy, though? Because if a different 5’6″ fireball sporting bowl-cut bangs was responsible for this video, this Californian would be lining up at her local polling place right now to vote her in. Vi$$er for Senator 2010!
Also personal and party platforms are obsolete. The good congressmen/senators don’t worry about them. Counterintuitive? Maybe, but true none-the-less.
This is such a shitty video. This is the equivalent of a fudged resume. At one point the voiceover vaguely describes her success at HP and says, “She LEANED the company toward profitability” and the word “Leaned” appears on screen. Does the word LEANED make that statement more memorable? Why stick that on the screen? I mean, I sort of furrowed by brow quizzically when they said it because it sounded like such a soft expression of success, then they actually wrote it on the screen to really drive the point home. She LEANED them toward profitability!
Not to mention the line, “She moved, she shaked.”
“One day, a 5 foot 6 inch FIREBALL said” 3:34. Carly Fiorina is a threat to this nation.
Yeah, I can’t watch this whole thing. Forget that it’s obviously made by a crazy person, but the incredibly dumb, misleading, and outright incorrect things it says are making me want to send the Barbara Boxer blimp monster to Carly Fiorina’s house and crush it.
Ok. Medieval History degree?? Really? And as someone who is going through the stressful process of applying to law school I have to say what kind of bitch takes away a spot at UCLA from someone else and quits after one semester? Jeebus. That’s all.
But what about all the promising careers as a Medieval History major? Renaissance Fair accuracy inspector? “They did not have dyed wool until 1310, this is all shit.”
You’re right… and you know who those facts would help? They would help CALIFORNIA. More specifically, they would help California have better Renaissance Faires (the quality of the ones we have now are just sub-par).
I take it all back.
I live in California, I cannot fucking wait for these commercials to show up on t.v. The opposition would be smart to just play them back in full with some sad music around it. Poor poor Carly.
8 minutes of batshit crazy is about 7 minutes too long (especially if it doesn’t feature the return of demon-face laser sheep), so I just have to ask: at any point does the floating head of Barbara Boxer start puking up guns and start intoning “The penis is good”? Because if so, I would totally watch this.