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Oh man. Oh boy. So, on a recent episode of her show, Cocktail Town: For Women, or whatever it is called, noted milkoholic Sandra Lee, best known for the Precioustini, decided that a delicious cocktail recipe would be lemonade, vodka, and HEAVY CREAM. What a great sounding recipe for a delicious sounding drink from a person who clearly knows what they are doing! “I call it a ‘Barf on the Beach’.” Seriously, this is so confusing to me. This clown has a show? Even I know the basic properties of acid and dairy, and I am an idiot. In any case, Sandra Lee, a member of Mensa and founder of Apple’s Genius Bar, took a sip of this smooth and refreshing drink on camera, and her producer refused to edit the reaction shot out of the episode, because TV magic is as TV magic does. And it turns out that in one way or another, this IS a TREAT!
Haha! I love how it just keeps going. “It’s definitely over. Her face is done. Oh wait.” Now you caption it, why don’t you? Choose any frame! Or create a running commentary! The whole point of this is that I should not have to do it for you. You do it! Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. I WILL DRINK TO THAT! (SORRY!) (Video via DailyWhat.)
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I like how one eye knew it was disgusting before the rest of the face.
Needs a hint of canned frosting.
How about a dash of green frosting and a pinch of yellow sugar?
Needs a dash more botox.
Sandra Lee: “Oh, how I suffer for my Art.”
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
because Precioustini?
*sigh* that was my thought, yes. crawling back into hole now! WITH precioustini, mind you.
This week I’ve learned that making semen jokes seems to be a surefire way of getting downvoted around here.
IF we CANNOT ENJOY a joke about INCESTUOUS RAPE than THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON.
But srsly I think people either didn’t get it or didn’t think it was funny and what can you do? You gotta just keep fucking that chicken! (as long as you are not related to her)
seriously, are you making this gifs yourself? because i’m going to put in a request for Emma sing/crying in her car on the 2 episode, Showmance. It’s about 13 minutes in.
(I definitly got this way too fast but I DON’T CARE)
I do care, however, the fact that I spelled definitely wrong. I just had to correct myself for the sake of my sanity.
that is perfect! Now we just need animated Avatars again.
♥♥♥THANK YOU!♥♥♥
I like how you made her so well spoken… “Father’s semen” ha!
“Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.”??!!
Whoa!
i tried clicking on that. you got me. I hope you’re happy. now i feel dumb.
It wasn”t the drink that caused the face. Old Dogs was playing on Blu-Ray just out of frame.
So this is what Anthony Bourdain meant when he said my cooking should be used as a weapon.
Sandra noticed the camera operator holding up a small bottle of ipecac.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Antitode,” he replied.
“To what?” Her stomach churning in a maelstrom of wrong.
“To the poison…you just drank,” he said, chuckling with his cohorts.
“Her stomach churning in a maelstrom of wrong.” I mean that is pretty solid stuff there.
“I make really great decisions… Look at me, making great decisions… I continue to make incredibly well thought out and great decisions… No regrets here, only great decisions.”
“I call this concoction ‘The Wild Hogs’.” – Sandra Lee
Obviously someone didn’t use SMIRNOFF vodka.
I swear I thought you wrote Smurf Vodka. [That's Godsauce's favorite vodka.]
“I call this one ‘The Puckered Asshole’!”
But… I have a photo of a professional chef in my wallet! That means I know exactly what I’m doing around stuff that I have no idea what I’m doing around!
In that instant she realized that she had left the heavy cream next to her carton of hair relaxer for the final time.
Oh no, the lemonade has spoiled.
Cream was a bad choice
The sour taste of white guilt.
That was not so Raven.
Best!
Lion face! ARRRGHH! Lemon face. Mmmmm!
the cream ALWAYS rises to the top
And I’m about to show you the white-hot cream of an eighth-grade boy.
Sandra Lee took the masquerade too far…lemonade is fatal to her species.
What are you doing Gwyneth Paltrow? That isn’t a work out
Although I would still refer to the drink as “goopy”
“Hmm, needs more shame.” – Sandra Lee
“Oops, I forgot to mix in the toothpaste (suggest Crest Pro-Health).”
“I’m drinking your milkshake …. NOT!” – Daniel Day Lewis in that movie
Borat?
Nine, duh.
No, friend, it is that movie where he had the moustache and drilled for oil and stuff
Boogie Nights? BA-DUM TSHH
(let’s just pretend Daniel Day-Lewis was in Boogie Nights for the sake of the joke)
He played Mark Walhberg’s huge wang.
I think he means Gangs of New York
This is so bad it has altered the flow of time.
the question is not what is in the disgusting drink, but when is the disgusting drink?
No substance has made me pucker this hard since meth made my teeth fall out.
bitter beer face!
“Just wait until you see my bee-youtiful tablescape – it’s super super simple. All I did was spray my Ocean Dreams tablescape with milk and then set it in the sun for five hours!”
points for using proper terminology!
And if you don’t know just what it is, don’t you put it in your mouth!
I thought you were in Chick-a-go
I leave in 8 hours, I just had to check out the new Why Don’t You Caption It?
Have a Nice Trip! Whenever I go to Chicago I listen to “Chicago, Illinois” from Victor/Victoria as sung by Lesley Ann Warren:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J8gf9OFTRY
but on a loop!
or, y’know, Sufjan or something.
Yessssss forever.
That drink was the worst, but this is the best.
Everybody’s seen this, right? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we2iWTJqo98
I had not, thank you.
NO! we didn’t get to see her reaction! did she vomit? Does she subject this…horror…onto other people? Why has no one stopped her yet? No one is actually listening to her are they? I kind of wish I didn’t know she was as obviously awful as she is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4dYY1Vu0BM&NR=1
No, she eats it and she sells it like crazy.
Huh. You think by now she’d be used to faking enjoyment when she has something terrible in her mouth. I mean, how do you think she got her job? HAY-oh!
A real life Youtube comment on the Kwanzaa cake video: “what does she do with those candles? I bet my sexuality teacher would mistake those for a sex toy”
WUT
Is…is Sexuality Teacher a job you get paid for?
Fifty years too late!
The comments on that video are hilarious. For some reason this comment cracked me up: “acorns. LOL”
This is a pretty typical reaction to the combination of milk, milk, and lemonade.
It goes great with a delicious fudge brownie.
I’m six years old.
I like that around :21 she really starts to look like that grandma/demon from The House Of The Devil.
The producer obviously had to eat the Kwanza Cake and is just now having his revenge.
acorns. LOL
Shortly after the insect-like creature sheds its Sandra Lee skinsuit, Tommy Lee Jones enters, walks over to the stunned production assistant, pulls out his neuralyzer and says, “All right, Eleanor, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus. Sandra Lee has left for a rehab in a long term care facility. You’ve been thinking about a career change anyway.”
Semi
HomemadeTerrible“I have no idea of what the fuck I’m doing!!!”
If it looks like a cadbury creme egg. DON’T DRINK IT.
I dunno…i would drink Cadbury Creme Eggs…that sounds wonderfully bad for me.
Wonderfully bad indeed,
I remember when I was a kid I got like 10 dollars for my birthday and spent it all on Cadbury eggs. At that time I really wanted to be a chef, so I carefully tried cracking the shells to get the yolk out into a bowl. I did that for all my eight eggs, than threw away the chocolate shells (because REAL chefs don’t keep the shells of eggs! That’s crazy! Child-me thought).
After I was done “baking” I whisked all the sugary yolks into a cup and drank it right before my parents got home. It tasted terrible, and my parents were surprisingly angry!
SKINNY TIE! My favorite commenter FOREVER because of this.
“Break this down frame by frame and you can really tell how my spray tanned face isn’t even close to the same color as my hands.”
She just can’t quite turn that frown upside down
I’d like to see James Cameron try to “emotion capture” THIS emotion.
As Sandra Lee sips gingerly at her Precioustini, she contemplates the meaninglessness and banality of her life. She thinks of her rejected manuscript, about a horse who gets lost in the forest(Which is really a complicated religious allegory about the life of Christ- you wouldn’t understand), written under the pen-name Landra See. “Why has God let such brilliance go unrecognized?” she demands. Hearing no reply, seeing no Divine message spelled out in decorative napkin rings, she resigns herself to her fate, not before grimacing under the weight of her wasted genius and sorrow.
Sandra Lee reacts to being told her cooking is as good as Jay Leno’s comedic skills, and in an attempt to save the world future horrors commits seppuku in the tastiest way possible.
“I knew I should have read that 1901 article my producer sent me upon hearing my idea”
http://www.jbc.org/content/8/6/479.full.pdf
I love the way she cant get the mug away from her mouff (That’s how we say Mouth in Chicago, Pepper_Ann) fast enough, even in slow motion.
System status: Normal
Ingest “tasty treat”
WARNING! WARNING! All systems locked. Manual reboot initiated:
Retract tongue
Right oculus: Critical
Dispense ocular lubricant
Support musculature in spasm
Rebooting Stepford facial patterns
Safe Mode engaged
You make one hell of a caucasian, Jackie
“…a delicious, sweet treat.”
Mmm, I’m so looking forward to the lemona–uh oh. Oh fuck. This is bad. It tastes like car keys that have been in a fat man’s pocket for hours. Hours. Jesus. I’ve wasted my life. Oh, God, it’s not stopping. I look like Cindy McCain. I look like Cindy McCain! Ugh, it tastes like a Soulja Boy album cover. It tastes like fellating Glenn Beck while he writes on his chalkboard. Oligarhy! Oligarhy! Yearghh!
Fin
Lee’s official Food Network bio states that, “Lee then attended the world’s leading culinary art institute, Le Cordon Bleu.” Lee enrolled in a recreational two-week course at the school’s Ottawa outpost, which she acknowledges that she did not complete
i couldn’t find his puckering face but – topical!
“This drink creates a face no makeup can soften. It’s that effective.”
Tastes like her mother’s sour milk of disappointment.
Part of me wishes the producer edited out her reaction, so that all of the Motherwomen willing to make the best drink ever would get a culinary Rick-Roll.
I’m a bad person.
when life gives you lemons you make them into horrible cocktail, based on the novel, “Push”, by Sapphire
“Ewww, it’s sour. It makes my mouth feel all tight.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy1hQoL0CtA
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Just go here.
Was it really that simple? I am wasting time with code and there was no need.
yes.
This has always been my favorite:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQKu3PcgYrU
Sandra Lee loves anything that’s 80 proof or more like Paula Deen loves calories.
0:07 Admits she is powerless over alcohol — that her life has become unmanageable.
0:11 Comes to believe that a Power greater than herself could restore her to sanity.
0:23 Makes a decision to turn her will and her life over to the care of God as she understands Him.
0:38 Makes a searching and fearless moral inventory of herself.
0:41 Admits to God, to herself, and to another human being the exact nature of her wrongs.
0:43 Is entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
0:47 Humbly asks Him to remove her shortcomings.
0:51 Makes a list of all persons she has harmed, and becomes willing to make amends to them all.
0:54 Makes direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
0:56 Continues to take personal inventory and when she is wrong promptly admits it.
0:59 Seeks through prayer and meditation to improve her conscious contact with God as she understands Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for her and the power to carry that out.
1:01 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, tries to carry this message to other Food Network personalities, and to practice these principles in all her affairs.
1:04 Botoxface, Botoxface, don’t be blue. Botoxface, Botoxface, I love you.
In this world there are two times. There is mechanical time and there is body time. The first is as rigid and metallic as a massive pendulum of iron that swings back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. The second squirms and wriggles like a bluefish in a bay. The first is unyielding, predetermined. The second makes up it’s mind as it goes.
Just her face.
“I haven’t felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film”
Was the liquid melting the schelack off of her face?
“I serve all my fanciest drinks out of Mason Jars.”
*slow motion* N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O
- Sandra Lee’s palate.