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Cornered! trailer, you guys:
Haaaaa. On the one hand, sure. I mean, everyone involved with this movie is trying to put food on their family by doing the thing that they love: movie-ing. You can’t fault anyone for that. And if you are going to make a low-budget movie because your means have not yet caught up with your ambitions, then you could not choose a better genre than “horror survival.” FACT. But I would have really loved to hear the pitch meeting for this movie when Christopher Moltisanti first approached Carmine Lupertazzi, Jr. for financing. “See, there’s this serial killer, right? And this group of people, they are like, gossiping, you know how people love to gossip–especially women!–and they’re just, like, saying all the ways that they would kill the serial killer if, you know, they ever met him. But they’re hanging out in a liquor store, OK? That’s where they hang out, because they’re friends. But the serial killer is in the liquor store! Shopping! So the serial killer hears them saying all the ways they’d kill him, and it hurts his feelings, right? But instead of getting sad about it, he is like, “that’s it, now I’m going to kill you.” But he’s creative right? He’s clever. So he kills them in all the different ways they said they were going to kill him, even though that is much more complicated than just killing them in whatever way he is used to killing people, and makes for a lot of possible oversights that could lead to his capture if you think about it, and also, like, he doesn’t know them that well, he could switch a couple people up, you know, kill them with each other’s ideas, and then the whole thing would be ruined. But it’s a movie, so he gets it right. It will definitely make people think twice about hanging out with their friends for hours in liquor stores. Starring Steve Guttenberg. And the title has an exclamation point at the end, to let people know.”
And then it was all, “Goomar, get my checkbook.” (Thanks for the tip, Octavis.)
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me too, steve. i feel you.
They should give this movie the Oscar for Best Title Punctuation because LOL
The exclamation point makes it seem like a sitcom starring a comedian whose last name is Corner.
and he works at a framing store
and he frequently confronts his subordinates
And by night he’s a Southern forensics examiner responsible for investigating deaths
Why not “Covered”? And the soundtrack could be bands doing renditions of other bands’ songs. The costumes and makeup could be taken from a shared “set” of other people’s wardrobes. The seats in the theatre could be seats that other people sit in to watch other movies involving grisly murders. This picture could turn into a real Escher mind-warp.
“Guttenberged!”
The new movie about a Steve Guttenberg who guttenbergs people when he overhears them planning on guttenberging him because he guttenberged some other people!
Let the guttenberging commence!
3 men, 2 women, and a serial killer.
According to research, Elizabeth Nicole is the stage name of Elizabeth Abrams. Thank god she changed it right? I’d hate to see her held back by that long, ethnic name.
But two first names!
Two first names!
I have a friend named Steven David Scott; when I tell people that we hung out it sounds like I have three friends instead of one, it’s awesome.
The best kind of friend!
He’s the three best friends that anyone could have! (repeat)
ugh, why the ef is this not working?
So what this is SAW: LA? With cockroaches? I’m confused
*is this. Ugh. Where’d the preview button go?
The cockroaches are the killer. They are actually Bill Paxton from Men In Black.
html fail
oh wait, now it works? sure, yes.
I can’t wait to watch this all drunk at 3am on Cinemax this Summer.
This post makes no sense. Can this really be called low-budget when the actor who played Randy Quaid’s older son in Independence Day is in it? Welcome to Earth, Gabe.
Have some respect, he was also Frank the rabbit in Donnie Darko.
Also, The Doom Generation. For whatever it’s worth. Indie-cred or something?
There needs to be a YouTube compilation of all the times someone really stupid uses exposition to describe the premise for the film.
1:19: “He’s killing us in the ways that we said we’d kill him!” OMG!
I feel a Best New Party Game coming on…
This happens a lot in pornos.
And Snakes on a Plane.
So the pretty white girl, Jewish guy, black lady, and racially ambiguous young dude are all besties, and their hang out is a liquor store. Seems reasonable.
This concept has worked in horrors before:
Possible tagline:
“Right up there with It Takes Two!”
Man, former Veronica Mars creeps are on a roll today!
Wouldn’t it be really easy to thwart the killer? Like that one lady who obviously must have said she’d kill him with the photocopier, couldn’t she just stay away from the photocopier?
“Janet, we’re all be systematically murdered, and I need you to make 100 copies of those sale signs, pronto!”
- A quote from this movie, probably
So which victim do you guys think was literally hoist on their own petard? Cause, you know, irony.
This liquor store is great! Not only can you make copies there, but there are meat hooks and circular saws in the basement. It’s a one-stop shop for all your party needs!
And also, like, a shitload of cockroaches.
The disbanding of the Stonecutters is really hitting Steve hard.
Now when my friends and I are discussing ways to kill murderers in public I’m just gonna say “I’d just give them a big hug…cause they probably need a hug.”
When did the Gute get blond hair? I had to make it through the whole trailer to find out who he was. He doesn’t look a convincing working shlub.
Maybe this is beyond picky, but “The police discovered four bodies early this morning. All of them had been tortured and brutally murdered” makes it sound as if the killer was killing “bodies” instead of people, which is…weird. No self-respecting newscaster would fuck the chicken like that. Am I using that right?