When I was in high school, my friend Jason and I were at the movies when a trailer came on for some foreign film that centered on a bourgeois family and, like, maybe a car crash, or a pregnancy? No offense, NATO, but who cares. I’m all for the quiet depiction of human complexity, but bore me a river. Anyway, at one point, the matriarch of the family is on the phone giving some poignant life lessons to someone younger than her who was struggling with how hard it is being white and middle class, and she advised “It’s life, jump into life.” We LOL’ed before that was even a thing. Classic. Film is dead. Anyway, that’s the categorization I’m going to use for films like the upcoming Winged Creatures. Because woof. Trailer after the jump.
Watching this makes me feel like a midwestern woman in her ’50s, who hates traveling and loud noises, eating Indian food for the first time. “Too spicy!” Too stirring!
Also, I’ve already seen this movie. It was called Gingerbread Man. The guy who shoots everyone in the diner is played by Gary Busey, and he’s put in the electric chair, and then his cremains are mixed into some gingerbread spice by his mom, who I think is a witch? And then the girl whose father he killed and who helped put him to death accidentally bakes his magic ashes into a cookie and the murderous cookie runs around the whole bakery stabbing everyone. Gary Busey provides the voice for the cookie. Same movie, Hollywood, why don’t you get some new ideas.