teenagers.jpg

Sup sup chill dawgs!

Check it out, young dudes who understand the importance of progress but that it can’t come at the expense of other human beings or the environment, and all you neat gals who aren’t going to let society’s idea of what is expected of you get in the way of your dreams. Today I’ve got some pretty hip jazz to spit with you about some new music I think you are really going to dig on. You know, music is supes imports in helping young people define themselves. I know you’re probably looking at me and laughing at my walking stick and my beard with pieces of food in it, but I used to be just like you. MEGABass! I used to collect these things called compact discs and my friends and I would make each other mixtapes, which were kind of like iTunes playlists, except that they were the size of an iPod and you needed a special machine to listen to them and they were only 90 minutes long, and they only worked if you were traveling up hill both ways. Aiwa. The point is, I understand how formative and transformative music can be for you, and what a central role it can play in your social life.

That is why I think you are really going to lurv (that’s a word you guys are still using, right? Dope!) this new video from Justin Bieber. It features a guest rap from celebrated 45-year-old musician Ludacris, and also you can see Drake standing around in the background for some reason, which I guess is not so much to do with the music, but he’s famous, and that is what music is all about, right? Famous friendships! One day the fiery passion you feel for music now will fade into the background, and music will take its place among books and movies and coffee and sandwiches as a thing that you simply enjoy from time to time, but right now it is everything. JUSTIN BIEBER IS YOUR HEART.

What a good song and video. Sure, when I was your age my formative musicians were Pavement and Superchunk and Tribe Called Quest, and sure, when my parents were your age, they were listening to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones and Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, and sure, when their parents were your age they were exited by the work of Benny Goodman and Billie Holiday, but that’s just because Justin Bieber didn’t exist! I am sure if we all had a time machine, we would go back in time and KILL HITLER, and then we would make sure to bring a Justin Bieber MP3 with us to give to our teenage selves so that we could use it as the foundation for our ideas about the world!

And that’s fresh!

Comments (65)
  1. This site has officially become Justin Beibergum.

  2. Heh…Aiwa.

  3. I knew Justin Beiber liked to eat at City food! He’s totes my boyfriend… I hope that he also likes to eat at Fried Chicken Restaurant or Pizza Vendor, because I can’t date somebody who doesn’t like the same restaurants as I do… He likes sketchers though, so obvs we’re getting married.

  4. It’s been awhile since my Good Touch/Bad Touch days. Is this ok?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  5. The last time I went to the bowling alley in my city, some drunk redneck tried to steal my cheese fries…so we settled the argument with a dance contest.

  6. Justin Beiber looks like a lesbian.

  7. This video affirmed an important life lesson for me: nothing–and I mean NOTHING–gets the girls like the ability to bowl a strike.

  8. Az someone hoo’s 2 cool 4 5th grade, this song totes speaks to me, when da lyrics 4 da chorus com it’s like what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3:
    “My first love broke my heart for the first time and I was like “Baby, baby, baby, baby, ooooh, baby,baby,baby,baby, nooooooo, It’s like you’ve always been mine.Baby, baby, baby, baby, ooooh, baby,baby,baby,baby, nooooooo, It’s like you’ve always been mine.Baby, baby, baby, baby, ooooh, baby,baby,baby,baby, nooooooo, It’s like you’ve always been mine.”"

    • you know, when I first heard the chorus I was a little disappointed, but by the end I was loving it. I’ve totally put this on continuous while I’ve read all the comments. Dam it’s catchy. It’s like Jesse McCartney. you guys no him right? Right?! He’s the elder statesmen and Bieber is the newbie.

  9. Music videos that take place in bowling alleys are the best music vidoes.

    Also, that pool table roll was SLICK.

  10. Hasn’t Wii bowling eliminated the need for bowling alleys?

  11. Creepy message; Girl continues to push away boy who is stalking her in bowling alley, then after seeing his wicked cool moves she is totally his baby.

  12. My favorite part was when Ludacris agreed to write lyrics for this song

  13. Imma be cleaning up barf very soon.

  14. I didn’t think 9 month old babies would be famous sexy singers until the year 2012, when the world flipped on its access, making every day OPPOSITE DAY!

  15. As wide of the breadth of artists Gabe made sure to name in his post, in an effort to passive aggressively(?) discredit Justin Beiber, curiously enough none of them are even related to the lineage that birthed Beiber. Why the hell are Crosby Stills and Nash even being mentioned in a post about a pop/r&b artist?

    Because when I was 8, I was listening to *Nsync which I’m sure would have elicited some sort of response similar to this back in the day. And then Justin Timberlake made one of the best R & B albums of the past decade.

    Also if Ben pushed the frozen blog donkey wheel and moved Stereogum and all its monsters back two decades, what do you think the response would have been to the music Usher was making when he was 13-15? Or the first songs New Edition put out?

    A Tribe Called Quest? Pavement? No shit you don’t like Justin Beiber. I mean I understand the post was double-binded in a protective sheen of knowing irony, but it’s clear what you were trying to get across in the core of it. but ah might be wronnnnnnnng

    • Jeez, Captain Bringdown. Leave us oldsters to our knowing irony and Merge compilations. It’s all we have left. That and soothing hard candy.

    • ben? frozen blog donkey wheel? is this a lost joke? i wish i watched lost. i mean i dont really, but i was just thinking that maybe i would know what was going on here if i did. anyway, i played this video twice because i thought it was catchy. it is my right as an adult with two college degrees (impressed?) to listen to whatever the radio tells me to.

  16. when i was in middle school, this girl and i agreed that we were going out. i put my arm around her once. we were basically in love, too.

    also, this video should only be ten seconds long because, in reality, what girl could resist justin bieber and his bowl cut?

  17. Kidz totes be askin’ ‘We an item?’ when defining a relationship.

  18. I like it when he’s like “Baby baby baby noooo” and it sounds like he’s falling down a well. :-)

    • I love this comment with all my heart, but because of it, I will not be able to get that visual out of my head every time I hear this song.

  19. Don’t worry, Gabe. It’s only a matter of time before Q-Tip and Spiral Stairs guest on one of Bieber’s songs.

  20. There was a casting session where grown adults picked out the most attractive 14 year old girls for the Justin Bieber video “Baby”, and that is fucking creeping me out.

  21. Not all kids like this crap. I have hope for the future.

  22. Justin Bieber, and that video, are completely ludacris. See what i did there you guys? Did you…oh never mind.

  23. Those darn kids better be wearing bowling shoes on that alley or else they are going to ruin my league night. I hate seeing scuff marks on my lanes!

    • dont worry they are wearing brand new $500 kicks that they bought today and will burn tonight because wearing shoes twice is for poor people who probably dont even know what bowling is because they are so poor.

  24. So in this video, there is a Battle of the Sexes bowling/dance off, but Justin Beiber is vying for the heart of the dance/bowling captain. So is Ludacris his mentor? “Don’t need no Starbucks” WOO. But, at the end of it, they pass a Starbucks. So Starbucks was referenced twice.

  25. Can someone please explain to me why the line “Don’t need no StarBucks” required a “whooooo” by Justin Bieber?

  26. Fun with REAL Youtube comments:
    “there’s a boy? at my school who looks exactly like justin bieber, but his name is mat! i have a HUGE crush on him. but this other girl likes him as well, but the other girl is really really gross.”

    “I WAS THE 87TH PERSON TO WATCH THIS! THIS IS ICREDIBLE, IM SO PROUD OF JUSTIN AND IT WAS EVERYTHING WE WANTED PLUS MORE. IM STILL HAVING BIEBERGASMS. OH AND THANK THE LORD THAT THEY DIDNT KISS! (THEY PROBS DID BACKSTAGE BT OH WELL) COZ I WOULD HAVE PASSED OUT. AHH I DON’T THINK I’LL EVER STOP WATCHING? THIS VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D . HEY QUALITYS IMPROVING!”

    yeah, thank god they didn’t actually kiss…then this might be considered the equivalent of preteen porn, which is both gross and ridiculous.

  27. Drake is the go-to “standing around in the background for some reason” guy. This is like the 3rd video he’s done that. He must have a lot of free time.

  28. J-Beeb and I would like to thank YOU, Gabe

    for the third Justin Bieber post in two days!!!!

  29. Jimmy is too old to still be hanging out with the middle school kids from Degrassi: The Next Generation: The New Class

  30. It’s funny when he pretends to do the moonwalk and takes one awkward step backward before the video cuts away. That’s cool.

  31. I feel bad for this kid, because in each of his videos (Yea! I’ve seen a few! What’s it to you?) he seems to be at least 5 years younger and inches shorter than his extras. How hard could it be to find someone smaller than Justin Bieber in Hollywood? Though, Bieber is one of the smaller humans.

  32. this is the truth… justin bieber is some producer’s conceit of what would sell… they would have went with a black kid, but figured a cute white kid would sell more records. so in the end, justin bieber is racist, and his producers/record label are racist against their own race.

    race relations 2010.

  33. Is it violent that I want to hand him a knife when he fist bumps his chest?

  34. So do we can just count on this as is for Kidz Bop 2010. Or maybe because he is just one bopping kid will they have him do a sesssion with some friends?

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.