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With the 2010 Grammys last night and tomorrow morning’s highly-anticipated announcement of this year’s Oscar nominees, America has got awards fever! But what America does not have is fake awards fever. The nominees for this year’s Razzie Awards were announced today. Check out what these guys had to say:
“Shrug.”
–America
Maybe this was fun and irreverent back when we all had Hotmail accounts and your mom was like “I can’t get my Netscape to dial the Web.” But it’s 2010. I’m pretty sure Heidi Montag has been nominated for an Oscar this year, and yet I still don’t think a website that looks like it hasn’t been updated since the Razzies were first founded by the billionaire CEO of Jukt Micronics is flinging any mud in The Man’s eye. The Man is wearing Prada sunglasses anyway, and if they get muddy he just throws them out and puts on his backup pair. The whole thing just feels like Julia Butterfly still living up in her tree. Come down from there, Julia Butterfly! There is actual work to be done!
WORST PICTURE OF 2009
“All About Steve”
“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
“Land of the Lost”
“Old Dogs”"
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (a.k.a. “Trannies, Too”)
WORST ACTOR OF 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers, “Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience”
Will Ferrell, “Land of the Lost”
Steve Martin, “Pink Panther 2″
Eddie Murphy, “Imagine That”
John Travolta, “Old Dogs”
WORST ACTRESS Of 2009
Beyonce, “Obsessed”
Sandra Bullock, “All About Steve”
Myley Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Megan Fox, “Jennifer’s Body” and “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Sarah Jessica Parker, “Did You Hear About the Morgans?”
WORST SCREEN COUPLE OF 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers, “The Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience”
Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper, “All About Steve”
Will Ferrell and any co-star, Creature or “Comic Riff,” “Land of the Lost”
Shia Lebouf & Either Megan Fox or Any Transformer, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Kristin Stewart and either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Whatz-His-Fang, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS OF 2009
Candice Bergen, “Bride Wars”
Ali Larter, “Obsessed”
Sienna Miller, “G.I. Joe”
Kelly Preston,”Old Dogs”
Julie White (as Mom), “Trannies, Too”
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR OF 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Hugh Hefner (as himself), “Miss March”
Robert Pattinson, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka), “Land of the Lost”
Marlon Wayans, “G.I. Joe”
WORST PICTURE OF THE DECADE
“Battlefield Earth” (2000)
“Freddy Got Fingered” (2001)
“Gigli” (2003)
“I Know Who Killed Me” (2007)
“Swept Away” (2002)
WORST ACTOR OF THE DECADE
Ben Affleck – “Daredevil,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Paycheck,” “Pearl Harbor,” “Surviving Christmas”
Eddie Murphy – “Adventures of Pluto Nash,” “I Spy,” “Imagine That,” “Meet Dave,” “Norbit,” “Showtime”
Mike Myers – “Cat in the Hat,” “The Love Guru”
Rob Schneider – “The Animal,” “Benchwarmers,” “Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo,” “Grandma’s Boy,” “The Hot Chick,” “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,” “Little Man,” “Little Nicky”
John Travolta – “Battlefield Earth,” “Domestic Disturbance,” “Lucky Numbers,” “Old Dogs,” “Swordfish”
WORST ACTRESS OF THE DECADE
Mariah Carey – “Glitter”
Paris Hilton – “The Hottie & The Nottie,” “House of Whacks,” “Repo: The Genetic Opera”
Lindsay Lohan – “Herbie Fully Loaded,” “I Know Who Killed Me,” “Just My Luck”
Jennifer Lopez – “Angel Eyes,” “Enough,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Maid in Manhattan,” “Monster-in-Law,” “The Wedding Planner”
Madonna – “Die Another Day,” “The Next Best Thing,” “Swept Away”
I will give it to the Razzie nominations, I had completely forgotten about Pink Panther 2. They have done their homework! But I will not give it to the Razzie nominations for “Taylor Whats-His-Fang.” I am just not sure how sarcastic and counter-cultural of an awards program you can be if you are making sub-par Rush Limbaugh wordplay jokes about incredibly famous actors to signal that you don’t respect what they do. (Via Dlisted.)
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I’m totally putting a link to this on my Geocities page.
Awesome! I just added you on Friendster.
More like your Mom’s Angelfire page. Pshh.
You are so out of my Everquest guild…
I deserve that much (ambiguity award?).
Although I see Evony has upped its game in the adspace at the Razzies. No more buxom fantasy-land elf queens, now. No, Evony got its hands on some rejected photos from an American Apparel underwear shoot, and astutely realized that nothing else says “computer game about medieval villages” quite so effectively.
Yeah, don’t they know we have The Hunt now?
TAYLOR WHATZ-HIS-ZING
I really hope Gabe added that joke.
Nic Cage is not nominated for Worst Actor of the Decade? This list is invalid.
As the Razzies fall, the Ambarellies rise to take their place, as they clearly know what they’re talking about, unlike the Razzies, which is why they fell, you know, in the first place and stuff.
Somebody tell the razzies that they need more ads on their home page.
TAYLOR WHATZ-HIS-ZING
zinged myself!
I really hope Gabe added that joke…. DAMNIT!
“My Beanie Babies are worth a million dollars”
The Razzies should change their award to the Spazzies and give a trophy (filled with Prozac or whatever) to the best spaz attack of the year. Remote-control buttplay kid vs Christian Bale… (That will also be the name of my new band).
That nobody focused on this today signals the end of an era of cynicism and the beginning of the resurgence of casual optimism, jeans you can wear to bed, and what can only be described as a massive increase in the degree of perscription drug use per capita.
Finally, an award Avatar won’t win.
It is kinda funny that Mariah Carey is nominated for Worst Actress of the Decade solely for ‘Glitter.’ Obvious, but kinda funny.
I don’t care what anyone says, ‘I Know Who Killed Me’ is one of the most entertainingly bad movies I have ever seen. Something about Lindsay Lohan as a paraplegic just screams wish fulfilment.
Also, I would vote Padma Lakshmi as an even worse actress in ‘Glitter.’ I may have just seen this recently on HBO (yes, I hate myself), and anyone who has seen it knows what I’m talking about.
I did not know Padme Lakshmi is in Glitter. Thank you. I am going to never see this movie, not because it is bad, but so that it will grow to truly mythological proportions in my imagination. Please, World, every 2-5 years, just like this, feed me another tantalizing, fertile grape of information about Glitter.
nerd alert: http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.razzies.com/. The funny thing is this version of the site was built in 2007.
Also, I found the “schedule of events” on the 1996-98 Razzie site. I like this part: “
Sunday, December 29, 1996 — 4:30pm at Cinerama Dome in Hollywood Madonna in ‘EVITA’ for $5.00. Cancelled Due to COMPLETE Lack of Interest” (Literally NO ONE wrote, e-mailed or called to request tickets to EVITA…) Gee, could this be a sign?”Oh come on. My newsgroup on Prodigy has been talking about this all day.
I still have (and use!) my Hotmail account….
I know how you feel man. I’ve got a gmail account too but I always need to check my hotmail cos they don’t allow you to mail foward.
These TWOSIMPLERULESTOARIPPEDBODY directions are not working
It’s kinda like when you had a family reunion and after the family softball game your Grandma handed out awards to everyone only the awards were just junk she had around her house and you ended up with a neck pillow or a thing of shampoo and conditioner.
Only in this case Hollywood is the Softball Game, The Razzies is your Grandma and the neck pillow is still a neck pillow because no one really cares about it.
in the interest of (completely unnecessary) full disclosure i will admit that i totally fantasized, as a horny and hippy 17 yr old, about a steamy, tree-bound relationship with the misguided ms. butterfly.
(Sorry I’m late, guys, my mom was on the phone for like EVER so I couldn’t get on AOL until she hung up.)
Is “Trannies, Too” what we all thought was a good joke 12 years ago? Because if it is, we all kind of sucked.
The Lonely Island got a Razzie nomination. Maybe the Razzie’s thought if they nominated Jorma they might be mentioned in a SNL Digital Short and become relevant even if it is just for a year.
http://thecomicscomic.typepad.com/thecomicscomic/2010/01/oh-snap-landline-tv-calls-out-andy-samberg-and-his-snl-digital-shorts-in-metaparody.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J4RhJYLAk0
IMHO Mariah Carey is the Worst-Everything-of-the-EON!