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A local news report from Lawndale, California, examines the pressing issue of some garlic flowers planted in roadway medians. Fair enough. Some residents do not like the smell, and they are urging the city council to spend taxpayer money to have the flowers removed. Again, fair enough. But then the news interviews an actual council member who explains what is what at 1:15:
Oh boy. There are few things funnier in this life than news reporters who think that it is a mark of professionalism to treat the insane things that crazy people say as valid opinions. “Of course, some people may not agree that the noisome garlic flowers are indeed a powerful deterrent to vampires due to the fact that vampires are mythological creatures that do not exist, but let us assume that this is a valid opinion to have on the subject and insist that the debate rages on. Back to you, Bob.” HEY, NEWS GUYS, SOME TIMES THERE ARE JUST WEIRDOS. (Thanks for the tip, Asa.)
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I think you mean 1:15, but the best part is when he said “If we take them out, we may have vampires AGAIN”!!! Haha, that’s your city councilman!
If by “vampires” he actually means “trenchcoat-wearing Twilight-reading goth kids”, then he’s got my vote come next election.
Uhhhh…MLIT?
I just had to call this one in, Monsters. It was that important.
Smooth vest blade.
Okay you haha-”funny” man Gabe ANSWER THIS ONE QUESTION:
Have there been any vampires in town since the garlice was planted?
Answer: NO.
Clearly the garlic is working. That’s just logic. The defense rests.
Its also been unintentionally effective against keeping out werewolves, Frankenstein’s monsters, mummies, centaurs, and fauns. It has also failed on one count, which is its ability to repel crazy vest-wearing councilmen.
Two points make a line. That’s all I’m sayin’.
Hey nice gif! Sonya “the tickle lover” 4evz.
Science!
Homer: Well, there’s not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol is sure doing its job.
Lisa: That’s specious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, sweetie.
Lisa: Dad, what if I were to tell you that this rock keeps away tigers.
Homer: Uh-huh, and how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work. It’s just a stupid rock.
Homer: I see.
Lisa: But you don’t see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I’d like to buy your rock.
WHOA! It’s 61 degrees at 10:30PM in this mystical vampire-free haven? Also, MLIT.
I am so proud to be a Californian
I think the vampires are staying out of Lawndale because it’s Lawndale. I stay out of Lawndale too, and I love the smell of garlic and the chronic.
The only redeeming attribute Lawndale has is this liquor store that doesn’t card. But I doubt that means much to anyone over 21.
Also, Councilman Jim Ramsey will buy you beer, but you have to promise to let him party with you.
And … ?
I am Legend was only few thousand hours ago. Short memories = fast forgetting. How quickly we do forget. Never let us forget, Councilman Ramsey. Never.
I haven’t seen a vampire since I stopped wetting the bed. Sewage solutions small town America?
Also, Thank Goooooooood this wasn’t in Forks! It would have altered the ENTIRE COURSE OF HISTORY! Twilight, Page 1:” I’d never given much thought to how I would die—though I’d had reason enough in the last few months—but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved,” said Bella Swan. “Noble, even, But, terrified as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. Of course this is all irrelevant now seeing as I don’t actually have someone to die for, because even if there did exist a vampire who could alter the very course of my life and show me that true love really does transcends all as long as we retain our virginity, he couldn’t get past the stupid garlic root in the roadway medians. FML. ” THE END!
Great. Now I can never say that I havent read any of Twilight. Thanks Captain.
You think Councilman Jim Ramsay worries about Twilight? “Damn you, Stephanie Meyer, you got it all wrong!” We gotta invest that $35,000 in stakes and crucifixes.
Also, TWILIGHT! Am I right, you guys!?*
* Does Gabe have a monopoly on the whole “you guys” thing? I don’t wanna disrupt the videogum hierarchy.
No
hahaha…well that was just destined in the stars somewhere
What’s with California and Garlic? First Gilroy, now Lawndale? Maybe Buffy should have planted some flowers in Sunnydale. Plant garlic and the Hellmouth shant overfloweth.
But then we wouldn’t have had that fun show to watch! Watching Buffy laze around with her friends is probably not as fun as watching Buffy fight vampires.
ha, i was going to suggest that maybe lawndale was just one town over from sunnydale and then, duh, of course you need garlic flowers on your medians!
Quick! Someone get that city council member a hidden camera show!
But so lovely to look at!
Vampires are always so NIMBY when it comes to garlic.
Democratically elected weirdos are my favourite!
I wanted to love this along with you all, but I’m pretty sure that guy was joking. He felt like a goofy old man having a laugh at a bunch of his constituents…to me, anyway.
Besides, the flowers apparently smell like good weed.
Vesty’s refusal to take the issue seriously is why I love it! That and the lady’s quick, unsuccessful cover-up of “[it smells like] skunk,” with “A skunk.” Lots Of Love, Lawndale!
yeah, i bet he’s pretty pissed that all his well-reasoned arguments got edited out in favor of a bad joke. but whatchoo gonna do? it’s ktla. they need to keep viewers watching so they can put food on their families and pay their manscaping bills.
Normally I’d say that the councilman was either goofy or joking but in this case I’m completely perplexed as to why anyone would ever think planting garlic plants that stink in the middle of a town was a good idea. I mean maybe they really are crazy.
Oh actually now that I think about it, you guys do realise that this has all been a conspiracy from the members of Team Jacob. TEAM EDWARD 4EVA!! !!!OMG ONLY 174 DAYS TILL ECLIPSE!!!! YAYZERS!!!
i could listen to him say “sniff it” at :40 for the rest of the day and STILL not stop laughing.
Crap, I accidentally downvoted you!! I didn’t mean to!
I upvoted to even it out (I wouldn’t have otherwise).
My town planted a bunch of those cactus that look like dicks around our town to help keep lesbians out…. It didn’t work:(
Um, since when does garlic smell like weed? Or am I the crazy one for not realizing the similarity?
Sure, garlic keeps out the vampires, but it also attracts my Italian relatives. So, you know, trade-offs.
Just kidding, Uncle Ricky, you know I love you. (no Rome-o)
Am I only one who thinks he doesn’t want to pay to rip out their mistake and instead of owning up to it is making a (n actually pretty funny) joke?
No. He also probably likes the fact that the main thoroughfare through the town he governs smells like chronic.
To all of you that think he’s joking,
Listen to him, he is terrified. That’s real fear in his tone, and the implication that they once HAD vampires is what sells the crazy.
i want to eat dinner with this man…
“smells like weed, like chronic!” my vampire worries are over, friends
OK this is serious. Everyone stop laffing at me! I’ve been trying to figure out which plant made me think “hm. someone’s smokin chron around here” when I walked past it, for like, ever. Many a late night have found me sniffing the plants around me trying to get to the bottom of the mystery. They have solved the mystery for me. And I think the man has a good point. No vampires. He is like my dad.
Count me among the “Councilman Jim Ramsay is a subversive comedy genius” camp.