Photos
The world has changed, I can feel it in the water. Things are definitely slowing down for the holidays. And fair enough. What do you want, some kind of madcap Jackie Chan Shanghai Knights-paced holidays? No. The holidays are about relaxing and spending time with loved ones, not recovering the stolen Imperial Seal of China from the Boxers and returning it to Queen Victoria’s Jubilee Ball (it’s weird if you think that’s what the holidays are about, you guys). So, with everyone finally wising up to the fact that there is Life Outside the Internet, we’re going to be slowing posting down on Videogum and celebrating also. We are, after all, human beings, and not a collective of superclever machines with very sophisticated Joke Chips (for now).
That being said, there will still be some Videogum between now and 2010. Just a much slower posting schedule. Think of it this way: for most of the year, Videogum is a Diet Sprite (one of the fastest drinks) and for the holidays Videogum will be egg nog (a slow drink? This is easily one of the best metaphors of all time, and I wish it as available in stores all year round. [Huhhhh?]). But egg nog is great. So put down the ham every once in awhile and come get some egg nog. Or put down the egg nog and come get some egg nog. (I think my favorite thing about this website is that it just makes sense.)
So let’s paint, exercise, and have a great holiday, you guys. And please, STOP BRINGING GUNS TO SNOWBALL FIGHTS. I am serious about this one. If you look up the definition of “completely unnecessary” in the dictionary (because it’s in there, probably), there is a copy of this video (via TheAwl.)
Have fun! Please don’t die!
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Well, as deeply uncomfortable as that video made me (and that is very deeply uncomfortable), I am happy that I won’t be falling too far behind on Videogum while I partake in my own revelry (or work or whatever). Happy holidays, staff and monsters alike!
I guess I’m going to have to break my ONE holiday rule (always bring a gun to snowball fights), but only because Gabe asked me.
Adapt, adopt, and improve is all.
Rules for snow-days 2.0:
1. Eat whatever snow is put in front of you.
2. Pull out your handgun whenever possible.
3. Call for backup at first sign of _________ (subjective to officer).
4. Do not try to paint, exercise, and drive in an area where people can throw snow balls at your hummer.
He’s off the case.
Your gun and your badge, sir!
But Gabe, what am I supposed to do while drinking in the middle of the day? It’s the holidays and these bottles of Thunderbird aren’t going to comment cleverly on the internet without me.
Their chant is a bit off. You don’t bring snowballs to a gun fight. The detective’s methods may be unorthodox, but damnit, he gets results!
I love videogum comments, but I have to admit this Youtube one was HILARIOUS:
“Snowballs that are ice can kill a person, snowbalss that have razorblades inside them can kill a person, getting hit by hundreds of snowballs all at once can drown a person? to death. Besides, you don’t have any proof that they were snow balls, the liberal media just wants you to think that they were. “
FAKE! (snowballs)
Yeah, you have to watch out for all those snowballs with razor blades in them, or drowning in snowballs.
But, then again, how do we know the gun wasn’t loaded with snow?
pshhhh
My friends were there and that pig totally
Hey monsters! I?m getting married in about a week and then honeymooning in the Bahamas so the bad (good?) news is that I won?t be posting much over the next few weeks.
I?ve posted each of these links several times, but let me share them one more time this year:
Videogum chat is: http://videogum.com/chat/
Videogum In-joke list: http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/265368711/videogum-inside-jokes-memes-etc
Worst Movie of All Time list: http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/273168812/the-worst-movie-of-all-time-the-complete-list
Monsters? Ball stats: http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/270476062/complete-list-of-videogums-monsters-ball-commenters
Videogum Twitter list: http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/232059116/videogum-monsters-list
Congrats to Mr. & Mrs. Werttrew!
Bahamas? Who are you Mr. and Mrs. Krank?
Congratulations and happy holidays!
Congratuwelldone! Bring sunscreen!
..and a gun!
Congratulations to you and to the lucky Mrs. Werttrew, who must be rolling in the finest of gifs. And thanks for all your vgum archival work, it is much appreciated by this noob!
Kahdooz, sir!
CONGRATS!
If Paula Deen had been at this snowball fight, she would have shot in the face with a ham.
*been shot*. Stupid bird. I never should have left you in charge.
Best quote by far: “If you don’t like snow so much, then why don’t you shoot the fucking sky.”
– Your Boyfriend
Santa?
I think Mountain Dew is the fastest drink, although Diet Sprite is pretty fast.
Mountain Dew Code: Red, you mean.
Mountain Dew: Code Black, you mean!
“I ain’t never put snow on no one who weren’t in tha game.” – Omar Little
Oh let me try!
“I have had it with this mutha fuckin’ snow in this mutha fuckin’ sky!”
-Samuel L. Jackson
Did I do it right? Or is that too two years ago to be relevant?
I’m pretty sure the gun got pulled as soon as he realized he was dealing with hipsters.
Heads must have been explodin’ from the irony of the whole situation.
So you’re telling me that when Uncle Jim force-feeds me too much eggnog and takes advantage of me in the game closet and I’m sitting at my computer crying, violently refreshing Videogum for some glimmer of hope, I’ll get nothing? Nothing, Gabe? Monsters. All of us.
maybe it was all just a clever commercial for the northface?
This is the kinda shit that led to the Boston Massacre, y’all.
god, i hate hippies
“Fuck you, pig! Raaaahhhh!!!” – some hipster asshole
To all monsters, videogums and Gabe: You?ve really added some extra fun to my year. Have a Joyous Celebration of the Holiday of your Choosing!? and I wish you all the best in 2010!
You know what, Gabe, as revenge for your eggnog posting sched I am going to a) not have fun and b) die. Owned much???
I got the impression Gabe was drunk writing this. And thats a good thing, here’s to staying half cut till the 3rd of January!
Aww, Gabe! But this is the most depressing part of the year! What am I gonna do without Videogum? Get a life? Interact with people? I THINK NOT.
Happy Chrismahannukwaanzakuh, y’all! Yay monsters are the best.
Speaking as a DC resident, i dont care how this makes me sound–I live about 5 blocks from this corner, and if if someone had pulled a gun on me there, I wouldn’t have self-righteously yelled– I’d have gotten the f$ck out of there. This is DC, let’s not kid ourselves and think everything is hunky-dory-let’s-love-each-other.
Seriously. The dude who nailed the guy with a snowball WHILE HE WAS HOLDING HIS GUN is an idiot.
Yeah, I can’t help but think this would have turned out differently if it had been a white cop in a black neighbourhood… namely, no one woulda stuck around. “You’d never shoot me, a white hipster! I’m socially bulletproof! Hatecriiiiiiiime!!!”
I have no problem with this, if I had a gun I woud be showing it to all people, all the time.
do you have a license for that snowball? Bookem’ Frosty.
bake em away, toys.
Tibmalian/Pimpy Bender will be missing you gummers. What a witty potluck of delicious comments we share everyday to the table (I just flew home and am still feeling the ambian/red wine cocktail).
Happy holidays. Let’s bring our excellence and harmony into the new DECADE.
Ahh U Street. I miss you.
This was a deeply uncomfortable video. Can we not yell “Fuck you, pig?” That doesn’t seem to defuse tensions the way people think it should
Anyway, I’m going to take a walk down Sincerity Street and say that Videogum has given me a lot of great laughs this year and I’m super glad it exists. Thanks, Gabe. “Happy Holidays,” everyone!
Oh geez, I missed a period in there and it looks super awkward (pregnancy joke).
Sorry, Frostcrest out!
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That’s a charming avatar–a baby grasping for a Hooter waitresses boob? Stay classy, Mr. Spammer!
….this is exactly how Ass Dan got killed.
I think maybe I missed the egg nog train because I had some last week and it was groooooss.
how am i supposed to procrastinate studying for my last final, now?
Yeah, I’m bored, guys. This is how Shutter Islands start.
that’s my old metro too! next time let’s have a pizza party for people who used to live in logan circle.
Hey everyone, have a happy Jihad.
What I want to know is, who is the event coordinator at this juncture? Who is the genius who decided “Maybe we should have a giant snowball fight in the middle of a very busy intersection!” It was probably your girlfriend with the drum.
They pull a snowball, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue (e.g., the Christmas morgue)
A Snowball killed his partner, and now he’s a cop who plays by his own rules (but is the best damn officer on the force).
I guess this whole thing is an Untouchables reference but still surprised no-one has pulled out a Connery reference yet. It’s a Christmas miracle!