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TLC is premiering a new show next Monday, December 21st, called Little Chocolatiers. It is about Hatch and Katie Masterson, who own their own chocolate shop in Salt Lake City. Sure. It’s literally a show about Oompa Loompas, no offense to Hatch or Katie Masterson, or to any actual Oompa Loompas. But that is clearly what this show is appealing to. “Did you ever think it was weird that the Oompa Loompas spent so much time singing and so little time actually making candy? When did they get their work done? Watch and find out!” I’m sure that it was only a matter of time before this show existed. It just makes sense. It’s like the old parable says: if you gave a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters they would eventually greenlight this show.
But I think TLC is kind of rubbing salt in the (tiny, tiny) wounds with this description of the premiere episode:
Can two little people who own a chocolate shop produce 600 chocolate dice for a casino night party? And how will they build a life-sized, all chocolate flower garden for a couple’s fifth anniversary complete a project that’s bigger than they are?
600 dice?! Can they do it? Remember how little they are before you answer! “Can two little people trapped under a giant bell made out of chocolate eat their way out? Or will they get too full because their stomachs are in proportion to their bodies and their bodies, you will remember, are extremely small? And just who put them under that special bell?!” Sorry that I just SPOILERed episode two.
Shame on you, TLC. Shame on you for making a show that I am so obviously going to be watching.
I wonder if the episodes will be shorter than an average TV show. DO YOU GET IT? PLEASE TELL ME WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET IT! (Thanks for the tip, Whitney. Image via Eat Me Daily.)
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I get it.
I don’t. Someone please explain this to me.
their tshirts are mildly frightening – is that the logo for their business? a scary chocolate octopus?
It’s a Choctopus!
In Soviet Russia, chocolate delicacy eats YOU.
man, how did TLC know the exact questions that keep me up at night?
How long was I asleep for? It’s 2012 now isn’t it?!
When TLC and HBO join forces to create a show about little people who are also vampires, all other television programs will become obsolete to the average North American.
“how will they build a life size all chocalte garden…?” WELL WITH A LADDER OF COURSE!!
The couple in the promo paragraph really dropped the malt ball on this one. The SIXTH anniversary is the chocolate one. Not the FIFTH. That’s wood.
If TLC hadn’t already cornered the market on little people programming and gotten used to there yearly new show I would be offended by this. Because I have come to grips with my opinion that little people are cute.
What is it with people’s fascination with little people? They’re just people that are little. Leave them alone, TLC!
That chocolate ball is bigger than her little head! How is she carrying it?
TLC Spokesperson: Tune in to find out!
Complete the analogy: TLC is to learning what MTV is to:
music
You did it!
STDS?
Why is the second “S” capitalized?
Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Stupid (?)
“Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Son!”
I’m going to have to disagree, there. MTV facilitates STDs but TLC does not facilitate learning.
B-b-b-but, Dr. D’s Condom on Banana: Rock the Boat of Love teaches so many STDs avoidance skills.
Culturally-relevant reality television? What?
“I’m the Hatch Master, son.”
-Dr. Pierre Chang, the Dharma Initiative
#punwednesday
Obligitory upvote for a LOST reference.
Next Season: Deadliest Little American Cake Boss Plus Eight Flipper Children, in HD!
Wouldn’t the chocolate in the pictures be pretty big in the hands of regular sized people too? This candy tastes like exploitation.
Umm, what if that’s normal-sized candy and they really ARE just that small? I would watch that show.
I truly hope that someone at TLC dreamed this concept up and only then did they head into the wilds of America to cast.
i wish they had not shot their promo photos separately like that. I NEED TO UNDERSTAND HATCH AND KATIE’S SIZE IN PROPORTION TO FAKE CHOCOLATE OR I WILL NOT TUNE IN, TLC. (maybe i am just pizza-over this morning…)
600 Chocolate Dice? For a Chocolate Dice Game of Chocolate Chance?
Joking aside, TLC is so Ugh to me right now. I can’t flip past fast enough for fear of seeing all the little people and Gosselins and Duggars. I might hate watch this, but the whole time I will be saying “Oh God why did these Midgets have to make candy and thus force me to watch their oompa loompa lives” to my girlfriend (who coincidentally loves a good midget show)
I will never understand why the things you consume grow larger as you grow smaller. It happened in The Incredible Shrinking Man, and it’s happening again now:
Maybe you can’t see those coffee cups so well, but I sure hope they’re drinking decaf.
This was in reply to Spice Weasel. Sorry. I’m a little person. It’s a big world. Or something.
Aww! You even hosted the image on TINYpic!
being short is such a boring premise. there’s no drama to it. “will they get out the step stool? find out after the break.”
Salt Lake City? So they are (likely) Mormon little person chocolatiers? Seriously, Kah-freaking-dooz to the universe, because if these two people managed to find each other, there’s hope for all of us!!!
(“Wait, you’re a little person, make chocolate, AND believe Jesus Christ came to the Americas? Oh. Ma. Ga…. me too! Let’s get married and go into octopus-represented business together!)
My monday nights just got weirder/lonelier/hungrier.
When will TLC just quit this and go back to the non exploitave shows I wanna to look at like Brookhaven Obesity Clinic?
TLC is only for shows about little people and shows about families with abnormal amounts of children. I can’t wait for them to combine America’s favorite things with “Sharon and the Seven Dwarves,” which will focus on an Indianapolis woman who is a single mother to seven midget children, aged 5 – 18. They own an apple orchard.
How DO you combine little people, food and multiple births into a single show?
Pygmy Cannibals
“If we could just convince them to go back to high school this show would own the world”
– TLC Showrunner
I say we make a game based on the next show most likely to come from TLC
Little People, Big Love
Thanks to this endorsement by TLC, little chocolatiers everywhere have finally won their long hard battle to no longer be called “milk dud” by hatemongers.
Before TLC i didn’t know little people could do anything besides the circus and serve me drinks at the MGM grand, but now i know they can make chocolate, farm, and give sales pitches. They are almost like me!
Hey, apparently there is more Must See TV coming down the pike on TLC. From the casting section of their website:
Your Kid Ate What?
If your child ate something that required emergency medical care we want to hear about it. Send us a summary of the story. Be sure to include your name and a phone number where you can be reached for further questions. You will be contacted only if the story fits the needs of the show.
TLC can make a show out of anything.
I will be tuning in to see what terrible/awesome ways they incapacitate and kidnap the annoying children who need to learn lessons about life… too soon?
it just needs to be said that Hatch Masterson is the coolest name I am likely to run across all week.
We make chocolate, all of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble.
That hurts my eyes so much!
Snookin’ for Love to guest star! This week, only on TLC…
Look how big those pieces of chocolate scattered about them are! It’s like they can use chocolate that would be reasonably sized for the rest of us as a chocolate suitcase, or a chocolate helmet.
i can’t wait for the gosselin children to guest star! tininess and chocolate for all!
The Learning Channel has become obsessed with litters of children and little people.. i dont think they remember what TLC actually stands for…. or maybe… i’m confused and that is what TLC stands for.
TLC now stands for The Littlest Channel.
This combines one of my wife’s favorite things with one of her least favorites. She hates chocolate. Just kidding. She hates dwarves. She’s a monster.
Those chocolates they’re standing next to in the pic are actually going to go into little, Forrest Gump-type chocolate boxes.