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This post is running a little late because I was “out of the office” this morning on official business, but the nominees for the 2009 Golden Globes have been announced! Oh great! Everyone loves the Golden Globes! Wait, love is the wrong word. What is the word I am looking for? Oh right! Everyone has heard of the Golden Globes! Although, I will say this about the Golden Globes: there was an ad on NBC the other night featuring this year’s host, Ricky Gervais, and I realized that I might actually watch this thing for once. Lucky you, Golden Globes!
Of course every Hollywood Awards show worth its weight in medical grade cocaine has an elaborate pre-presentation with a celebrity announcing the nominees, and this year, that celebrity was Dr. Chuckles Timberlake. Seriously, whoever told this guy that he was the funniest guy is clearly very persuasive, because there is no convincing JT that he should relax with the stand up routine. If only every teenage girl struggling with self-esteem issues could have their own Guy Who Told Justin Timberlake That He Was Hilarious to encourage her to believe that she is a precious snowflake.
After the jump, a couple great laughs, and then the nominees nuts.
From People:
There are presenters – those who simply read the material – and there are performers – those who add their own personal flourishes to delivering the list of Golden Globe nominees, as Justin Timberlake so ably proved Tuesday morning.
Sliding some of his own observations into his announcements, the musician, 28, said while naming those who received nods in the music categories: “Paul McCartney – you may have heard of him,” and “Bono – You may have heard of him, as well.”
He also managed a quick little sound effect before announcing the major motion picture drama nominees. Said Timberlake, “Impromptu drumroll.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Best Motion Picture – Drama
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire
Up In The Air
Best Performance By An Actress In A Motion Picture – Drama
Emily Blunt, The Young Victoria
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire
Best Performance By An Actor In A Motion Picture – Drama
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
George Clooney, Up In The Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Tobey Maguire, Brothers
Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
(500) Days Of Summer
The Hangover
It’s Complicated
Julie & Julia
Nine
Best Performance By An Actress In A Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Sandra Bullock, The Proposal
Marion Cotillard, Nine
Julia Roberts, Duplicity
Meryl Streep, It’s Complicated
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia
Best Performance By An Actor In A Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
Matt Damon, The Informant!
Daniel Day-Lewis, Nine
Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, (500) Days Of Summer
Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man
Best Animated Feature Film
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess And The Frog
Up
Best Foreign Language Film
Baaria (Italy)
Broken Embraces (Spain)
The Maid (Chile)
A Prophet (France)
The White Ribbon (Germany)
Best Performance By An Actress In A Supporting Role In A Motion Picture
Penélope Cruz, Nine
Vera Farmiga, Up In The Air
Anna Kendrick, Up In The Air
Mo’nique, Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire
Julianne Moore, A Single Man
Best Performance By An Actor In A Supporting Role In A Motion Picture
Matt Damon, Invictus
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Best Director – Motion Picture
Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
James Cameron, Avatar
Clint Eastwood, Invictus
Jason Reitman, Up In The Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell, District 9
Mark Boal The Hurt Locker
Nancy Meyers It’s Complicated
Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up In The Air
Quentin Tarantino Inglourious Basterds
Best Original Score – Motion Picture
Michael Giacchino, Up
Marvin Hamlisch, The Informant!
James Horner, Avatar
Abel Korzeniowski, A Single Man
Karen O & Carter Burwell, Where The Wild Things Are
Best Original Song – Motion Picture
“Cinema Italiano” — Nine, Music & Lyrics By: Maury Yeston
“I Want To Come Home” — Everybody’s Fine, Music & Lyrics By: Paul McCartney
“I Will See You” — Avatar, Music By: James Horner, Simon Franglen, Lyrics By: James Horner, Simon Franglen, Kuk Harrell
“The Weary Kind (Theme From Crazy Heart)” — Crazy Heart, Music & Lyrics By: Ryan Bingham, T Bone Burnett
“Winter” — Brothers, Music By: U2, Lyrics By: Bono
Best Television Series – Drama
Big Love
Dexter
House
Mad Men
True Blood
Best Performance By An Actress In A Television Series – Drama
Glenn Close, Damages
January Jones, Mad Men
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Anna Paquin, True Blood
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer
Best Performance By An Actor In A Television Series – Drama
Simon Baker, The Mentalist
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
Bill Paxton, Big Love
Best Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
30 Rock
Entourage
Glee
Modern Family
The Office
Best Performance By An Actress In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Toni Collette, United States Of Tara
Courteney Cox, Cougar Town
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Lea Michele, Glee
Best Performance By An Actor In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
David Duchovny, Californication
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matthew Morrison, Glee
Best Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made For Television
Georgia O’Keeffe
Grey Gardens
Into The Storm
Little Dorrit
Taking Chance
Best Performance By An Actress In A Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made For Television
Joan Allen, Georgia O’Keeffe
Drew Barrymore, Grey Gardens
Jessica Lange, Grey Gardens
Anna Paquin, The Courageous Heart Of Irena Sendler
Sigourney Weaver, Prayers For Bobby
Best Performance By An Actor In A Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made For Television
Kevin Bacon, Taking Chance
Kenneth Branagh, Wallander: One Step Behind
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Endgame
Brendan Gleeson, Into The Storm
Jeremy Irons, Georgia O’Keeffe
Best Performance By An Actress In A Supporting Role In A Series, Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made For Television
Jane Adams, Hung
Rose Byrne, Damages
Jane Lynch, Glee
Janet McTeer, Into The Storm
Chloë Sevigny, Big Love
Best Performance By An Actor In A Supporting Role In A Series, Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made For Television
Michael Emerson, Lost
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
William Hurt, Damages
John Lithgow, Dexter
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
I am glad to see that Comedies and Musicals are still lumped together, because it’s 2009 and that just makes sense. But am I missing something? Where are the Best Kiss nominees? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AN AWARDS SHOW!
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At first I thought of the Golden Globes as Oscar’s little brother. Now I think of them as more of an ex-girlfriend. They share some similarities with the Oscars, but there are glaring differences that are just about insurmountable.
Hang in there, Golden Globes!
My ex-girlfriend has horrible taste in music and so does the oscars so I think my ex-girlfriend is the Oscars. The Golden Globes is the girl I want to fuck.
music? I mean movies. She also had horrible taste in music though.
oh man, so true. this is so Not Videogum, but i am prepared to write a very lengthy defense of the golden globes and their being generally WAY more entertaining than the oscars. in fact, i like them so much that hearing that ricky gervais (whom i totally enjoy!) was going to host made me a bit anxious.
but whatevs. here are some short reasons for golden globes > oscars.
1. booze and socializing. during the oscars everyone has to sit and stare at the stage and endure the excruciating hours and hours of oscars before the parties afterwards. during the golden globes, attendees can drink and schmooze and talk with their friends while the awards show is going on. this means that they usually just seem a lot happier at the golden globes. also, it’s always amusing to watch tom cruise try to gladhand all the year’s hottest new stars in front of the camera so he can seem cool by association.
2. it covers movies AND tv and doesn’t include the boring technical stuff. this alone makes it like the if the oscars and emmys were conjoined twins who got liposuction, basically (professor of analogies over here). more people i’m interested in show up to the golden globes than the oscars due the addition of tv awards, and it kind of puts tv and movies on the same level, at least for one night.
3. there’s less pressure because people don’t consider it as important as the oscars or emmys.
4. the hollywood foreign press, which chooses the winners, is less insidery than the groups who choose winners for the oscars and emmys. this usually means they are less subject to groupthink and tend to pick better winners and nominees. case in point: crash didn’t win, and in fact wasn’t even fucking nominated, for best picture at the golden globes in 2006. that point alone could probably be my whole argument.
5. the underlying point: oscars are a motherfucking Production. the golden globes are not. there are no shitty dances or song performances to endure. and, up until this year, at least, the golden globes wasted no time worrying about having a host. this severely limited the number of bad/awkward jokes we were subjected to.
so yeah. globes>oscars. THERE, I SAID IT. once you realize that, it’s like a weight (the boring, long-ass oscars) has been lifted off your shoulders. for these very reasons, i haven’t felt the need to watch the oscars in years. it has been absolutely liberating. you know, probably pretty much how nelson mandela felt when he got out of prison.
Also: Whoops! That’s your defense of the Golden Globes.
(your=my)
For your information, some of us are fucking MTV Movie Awards, which is an indelicate way of saying that we are still pimply virgins with a chronic masturbation addiction. You are lucky to be screwing a naked golden man with a huge rod. (Zing?)
You know what the Golden Globes are? They’re boring.
You know what this kid is?
This kid is awesome.
Duane!
I really think you might be my friend/coworker, Werttrew. This gif is her favorite way of celebrating EVERYTHING! Because, as you said, this kid is awesome.
“Quick little sound effect before announcing…”: breathing? Not funny. Never gets a laugh from my ex-girlfriend into the phone at 2 am.
Maybe its all in his delivery.
I don’t understand the unconditional love of Justin Timberlake. He reminds me of one of my old d-bag room mates.
Oh, my love for JT has conditions. It’s conditional on him not ad-libbing comedy, for example.
Cry Me A River.
Who the hell knows? Even cats on here love him.
Glad Gabe has christened Doogie Douchebag with the apt moniker Dr Chuckles MD.
I think of the Golden Globes as more of a horny immigrant.
–Gob Bluth
argh, that was supposed to be a reply to the first guy. I’m ruined, ruined!
I hope Meryl Streep and Sandra Bullock win double awards but not Sandra Bullock because duh.
Wait, are you even allowed to have two nominations under one category? What the fuck? CALL THE HOLLYWOOD POLICE
To win in this business, you either got to stuff the ballots or you stuff your bra.
or: Stuff bra with ballots. PAH!
If Jane Lynch doesn’t win, I’m going to punch The Golden Globes in the face*
Shout at my tv…Obvs.
“Out of the office” means Gabe had to kill that spider in the bathroom and the laptop was in the kitchen.
More like he had to go get party streamers and borrow a VHS copy of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter is Dead for the Videogum Pizza Party tonight.
I feel sorry for whoever has to wheel the A/V Cart down those cold NYC Streets.
upvoted because OH MY FORGOT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT MOVIE!!!!11!!1!
wait…..that first FORGOT = GOD…..huh?
January Jones? Entrourage?? !?
I was about to get upset but then I remembered the Golden Globes are stupid.
Christopher Waltz needs to win for his role in Inglorious Basterds. He was fantastic. And the only reason I enjoyed the movie.
Even though I stopped watching House long ago, I still hope this is Hugh Laurie’s year. You go, Hugh!
I can appreciate that we all think Hugh Laurie is a funny and talented actor, but House is a garbage show. Using this same logic, should 2012 be nominated for best picture because we all loved Lloyd Dobbler twenty years ago?
Yes
Is this a gif of a scene from the fourth season of Black Adder? Is that Darling on the left?! ZOUNDS!
Was Justin Timberlake dressed as a novelty, foam Golden Globe? That bit never gets old. “Bring it on down to Nominee-town!” – JT
I hope Michael C.Hall wins a Golden Globe for Dexter. Because the Emmys already happened this year, right?
“Julie & Julia” was the biggest piece of white-people-got-problems shit ever. I’m thinking mainly of the “Julie” portions here, but the Meryl Streep stuff was kind of retarded, too.
“Paul McCartney – you may have heard of him,” and “Bono – You may have heard of him, as well. Finally, Turtle – you also might have heard of him.”
Wait! These are only nominees? Everything is still Up in the Air.
Avatar: That’s your drama.
I really haven’t seen very many movies this year obviously. What’s The Hurt Locker. Sorry to anybody who liked The Hurt Locker. I must’ve been in seclusion in the west wing.
The Hurt Locker is the one where Guy Pearce disarms bombs for a few minutes.
Wait, it’s not the William Hurt – Ultimate 20th Century Masters Collection DVD Set?
The Hurt Locker gave me a headache because I spent an hour and a half unconciously gritting my teeth. It is really, really well done.
The Hurt Locker was the bomb!
*I know my way out, thankyouverymuch*
The Hurt Locker was actually really good, and I hope that it wins everything. Also, even though I haven’t seen it, I hope that Avatar wins nothing. CGI doesn’t make it good, people.
Well then. Looks like I have a date with the Hurt Locker.
If you do end up going on this unadvised date, keep your bomb technician close and your rosary closer.
As I do for every date I go on.
Most of this list is shit, we all know that, but I am excited for Emily Blunt, nonetheless. She was terrific in The Young Victoria (a movie that is already out on DVD in the UK, but hasn’t even reached most theaters in the US) and it’s great to see her get some sort of recognition. (Now, if only the Golden Globes actually meant something these days.)
i guess it was the karaoke scenes in (500) Days Of Summer that got it a nod in the “Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical” category?
There was also the scene where JGL is walking through the park in fantasy land singing and dancing.
yeah. true. the joke was that i didn’t find that movie funny in the slightest, but i guess fail.
No I fail for not understanding what is, in retrospect, an obvious joke. I need some coffee or something.
i hadn’t thought about this really. hmm. Best Motion Picture – Dark Comedy or Sorta Musical or References Music A Lot
The fact that there is no Breaking Bad on this list just proves how crappy the Golden Globes are. Also, Community deserves some attention. Sad times, guys.
seriously. also, no Friday Night Lights love!? come on!
It is a crime that Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton continually get overlooked with stuff like this. I guess the bigger crime is that i’m still shocked year after year when the nominations come out and they’re absent
They are both great. I guess the Golden Globes’ eyes aren’t CLEAR enough, and their HEARTS are only half-full, so they totally LOSE. Right? And….I’ll show myself out through the window here.
This reads less as a list of Golden Globe nominees, and more as a list of future WMOAT nominees.
What I love about awards season is that it’s a well-deserved opportunity for overworked, underappreciated performers like Justin Timberlake to really let their hair down and indulge in a little smarmy self-congratulation.
I’m feeling the love for JGL. I have a thing for lanky backflipping nerds.
sandra bullock for the sweep!
(just kidding no one thinks she deserves anything!)
Justin Timberlake is sooo funny!
(So funny I forgot to laugh.)
Hey, did you guys know that comedian Justin Timberlake used to be in *nysync?
You mean Chris Kirpatrick?
I’ve been following his act or years
Where is ALL ABOUT STEVE for best original soundtrack!? WHO can forget “Hawiian Jam” by steve ako?
Gyp! This is bullock(S)(andra)!
(Har har har, folks, i’ll be here til 2012)
The Golden Globes are like the Wal-Mart of awards shows.
Proposals, I swear every time I go to post something, you’ve already posted it word for word directly from my brain! Breaking Bad shoulda been on there…
Also, you gotta love an awards ceremony that has a category for Kevin Bacon to be nominated in:
When is any awards academy ever gonna give some love to Katey Sagal in “Sons of Anarchy?”
I declare shenanigans!
I am going to get seriously frustrated if Moon doesn’t get a single nomination anywhere. Was it seriously too much of a “genre movie” for anyone to go see it? I’m willing to accept a soundtrack nod here, guys.
Those television awards are garbage! True Blood? Anna Paquin?!! Breaking Bad shut out!
oh and UP is better than all those Musicals/Comedies!
at first, I thought, “I am going to be so mad if 500 Days of Summer doesn’t win anything,” but then I remembered that it’s only the Golden Globes.