When it comes to goofs (which is what IMDB calls movie mistakes), The Happening is a special case because the entire movie makes no sense. IMDB’s goofs tend to be about visible boom mics and unsubstantial continuity errors, which are boring. So here are five of the worst logic errors that made for delightful post-movie-drink “Can you believe _____?” conversation.

5. At the gas station in the small town where the train stops, a man declares that everyone is going to die if they stay there. This causes a panic and everyone runs and jumps into cars and drives away, leaving Elliot and Alma with no transportation. But those people wouldn’t have cars, because they too had been dropped off there by the train.

4. When (ridiculously) asked only by Elliot why the train has stopped, the group of huddled conductors say they’ve lost contact “with everyone.” But everyone else’s phones seem to be working, and they continue to successfully make calls long after.

3. Not that mood rings are scientific, but the movie places a lot of weight on them. The mood ring appears to be green for most of the movie. On mood ring color charts, green supposedly “means” “average.” Also, Alma is sad because she’s forgotten what “the color for love” is. Most mood ring color charts don’t have a color for love.

2. When Alma and Jess are in the spring house and Elliot sees the wind coming, he yells to Alma to “Close the windows and the doors!” Alma replies with a curious and bewildered “Why?”, even though she’s been running away from the wind for almost 24 hours.

1. You can’t run from the wind.

And there have to be at least 1000 more in that delightfully awful movie. Can we all start saying “Why you eyein’ my lemon-drink?” in rebellion against the Love Guru catchphrases Hollywood wants to force upon us?