Photos
You know, for as much noise as everyone is making about this show, you have to hand it to get kids on Jersey Shore: they get things done! In just two weeks they have already all fucked each other or something? And some of them have been in multiple relationships. They created a boardwalk sensation (I’m sure) with trademark The Situation boyshorts, which I’m sure lots of normal real people spent actual money on just like they showed on the episode! I’m sure that was real. How could it not be? You’re going to tell me that people who had never met some 56-year-old nobody at a t-shirt shop before didn’t spend perfectly good money on a poorly made pair of tacky boyshorts bearing his ridiculous nickname on them? Do not be silly. Last night, of course, was no different. We already lost a cast member? Yikes! Powermoves. Ronnie and Sammi fell deeply in love and then deeply out of love within the space of five minutes. It is going to be quite a summer! They’re basically role models for ambition and dedication. (If your ambition is to get druuuuuuuunk, and your dedication is to getting it wet! Yuck, sorry. But true.)
This episode was brought to you by Body Heat.
Commercial shown during the show (above), seamlessly blended with ACTUAL product placement (below). “Smell like Ronnie” is probably a pretty huge selling point.
So Ronnie and Sammi are in love. Ronnie is so in love, he would roll around in shit all day. (Virtually every word uttered on this show is a work of art. For longer, more accurate quotes please see here and here). Incidentally, while the Italian-American community has been up in arms over this show’s depiction of what is apparently a pretty realistic depiction of their universally accepted and enjoyed culture (otherwise why so mad, Italian-Americans?), there has been a notable silence from the Italian-American novelty t-shirt industry. Why mess with a good thing?
Speaking of a super good and expensive classy look, it is definitely a head-to-head-to-literally-a-head competition this week for who looks the most glamoris between Stokeis, aka Ms. Cool Hat:
Sammi, aka The Control:
and website owner Jwoww:
Bunch of Betty Drapers up in here. But these ladies know that you can’t win Miss United States with looks alone, you also need to have sophisticated on the inside in addition to, and that is how Snocko takes home the golden Burger King crown:
And for as much criticism these guys have received for being alcohol soaked mentally retarded fuck machines, you have to give it up to Ronnie for last night’s display of genuine human emotion, when he found out that the love of the past 36 hours of his life Sammi just gave her number to a fuckin, a fuckin, cop or whatever.
Sure, Ronnie managed to pull his shirt off as soon as he walked through the door, but that is almost all he could do, so overcome was he.
But, OK, all jokes aside: Angelina is a garbage person. Like, the part of last night’s episode in which she doesn’t go to work because she’s pouting about her married boyfriend possibly breaking up with her at a nightclub is some of the most infuriating and unbearable television I have ever seen:
UGHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHH. Oh, I am so bothered by this! Like, it’s one thing to pretend like you know what the term “common courtesy” means, when you do not know what it means at all (there is definitely someone who “just doesn’t get it” here Angelina, but it’s not someone other than you), but it is a whole other thing to force a human being to talk to you through a bathroom door because you’re a living nightmare, and then, AND THEN, to pretend like the consequences of your impossible behavior were your idea the whole time! Woof. Pack your garbage bags and go home, Angelina. Oh good, you did.
CIAO, STUPID.
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Jwoww’s website says she has an “Insane Liquid formula that will gaurantee (sic) weight loss.”
I have no joke, There’s nothing more to say.
I read “(sic)” as “SICK!” and that sentence was perfect.
All I need to know is where can I get those Tarano jean accessories? Those looked really good!
You know that you have made grievous errors in decision making when Snookie disapproves of your actions.
She’s pretty much the moral compass of this show.
man, i remember that one time i caught that “soft cough every 15 minutes” cold. shit was BRUTAL. especially brutal was the fact that my mom totally didn’t buy it and made me go to middle school that day, even though i had TOLD HER it was the day after bobby mitchell had sent me a note telling me he was gonna go to the winter dance with ellen davidson instead. GOD, MOM. thanks a bunch. you are so not supportive of me and you’re always disrespecting me like that.
I like that you can’t definitively tell who wants to get f***** in their f****** a****** in that pic…
I cannot tell the gender of anyone on this show by their name.
Full disclosure: I didn’t make any of these gifs.I found all these gifs in the comment thread here: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/41936185.html
I know the one of Pauly D is meant to make us think hes attractive or atleast cute but I’m not having it gif maker, you can’t fool me.
Too many Gifs on the dancefloor (R.I.P Flight of the Conchords)
The Situation reminds me of a strapping young Popeye in this gif, which is ironic because he probably yerks it with Olive Oil. Badazing!
They’re all basically the new Power Rangers.
I love how they tried to cover up Vinnie’s pit stains with his name. #deodorantFAIL
Why did they put Danny “the boss” in quotes? Did the bicycle not make that clear???
Is the whole show like that clip? I need to start watching the whole show!
I would apologize to everyone on behalf of Italian-Americans everywhere, but I’m Sicilican, so I guess that’s different, because it isn’t attached to Italy and like, such as
These must be part of the porn star training program
Snooki looks like she’s literally made of bronzer.
damnit! i’m only 50% italian, so i will never be allowed to live in a house of these pureblooded guidos/guidettes. maybe if i wear my italia shirt, they won’t notice…
Why does she have strawberry pez taped to her fingers? Guidettes must be so smart that i’ll never understand them
If the Situation ever told me “he kind of liked” me because “I wasn’t ugly” I would literally swoon onto my I Love the Situation fainting couch.
“You know, your Situation looks kinda spicy.” ?Mike “the Situation”
Ugh. Angelina is a f****** a******.
The highlight of this episode was the preview for next week, in which we saw Snooki get actually punched in her actual face by an actual man with, presumably, an actual penis.
Charcoal in a gas grill. Looks like we can cross off two names on our Possible Deans at Grill College list.
Awesomely enough she actually did pack her shit into plastic grocery bags…
Who knew Guidos were so Green.
They sell “Gabe” boy shorts at the boardwalk?
Jwoww, those are some serious mom jeans Ronnie is wearing on the bed!
PS. Anyone have a gif of him dancing in da club? That was so great.
I’m not sure if it’s Ronnie or not (I don’t know who any of these people are), but Rich at fourfour gif’d a picture of a hilarious dude dancing. You can check it out here.
I think that “here” link is a tease, because I couldn’t click it. But thankfully I am to google what The Situation is to the Jersey Shore/Abs/Worst and found it! So thanks, upvotes for daze. It doesn’t highlight his best moves, but really GIFs can only be so long.
Ah. Boo, me! How’d I mess up that html? I was on LiveJournal for YEARS!
Not sure why “The Situation” settled on that particular sobriquet to describe him and his rock-hard abdominals. I know he explained it by saying something like “you see how ripped up I am and you just know it’s a situation”, but illuminating as that was I remain unconvinced. Why not just go with “Mikey Abs” or “Mikey Ripped Abs” or “Mikey Six-Pack” or “Mikey Rambo (pretty much)”? I suppose since “situation” is clearly his favorite word, and since it seems to be one of the only polysyllabic words he has mastered, he decided to associate it with his most prized feature. Nevermind, I just answered my own question.
?Down the shore everything’s alright
You with your baby on a Saturday night?
This show is the exact opposite of those lyrics.
From JWOWW’s website:
Jenni always had a thing for nightclubs, but being the impatient & easily annoyed type never wanted to wait on the lines. It was the long lines, cold winters, and fake club promoters who think they own NY that got Jenni to realize that she wasn’t going to be like everyone else who had to wait or pay to get into clubs in the tri state area. After conquering the club scene on long island and much of Manhattans outlaying boroughs she realized she wanted to reach out to the rest of the country by telling her story through MTV’s newest reality show “Jersey Shore”.
I am now following JWOWW’s twitter stream so I can stay updated on her many accomplishments, such as “I GOT ACCEPTED TO BE ON THE COVER OF “HORSE MAGAZINE”, + CENTERFOLD! #1 HARLEY MAGAZINE. I GET TO REP IGNITION NATION! DETAILS COMING SOON!” I don’t what Horse Magazine is because I can’t Google it at work as I’m pretty sure it’s porn…
Doy, it’s a Harley magazine. I can’t read.
we have a situation
I’m not sure why so many people are offended by how this show perpetuates Italian stereotypes, and not bothered by the fact that Snooki/ Snickers/ Snooker appears to be perpetually in blackface.
Is it awful that I’m sort of looking forward to seeing her get punched in the face by a guy who turns out is a high school gym teacher? Yes. Yes, it is.
I feel like this show should be on TNT We Know Drama.
Snooki was on Wendy Williams today and she’s just as articulate and classy as she is on the show. It also looked like Wendy could pick her up and put her in her pocket.
i wonder how the situation would feel about this?
Not gonna lie… I am interested in the “handbags: Ed hardy etc $35-68 free shipping”
No, best online store, thank YOU for visiting our website.