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The Sorcerer’s Apprentice trailer, you guys:
I think this trailer is going to be pretty controversial (I am sure that controversial is the right word and that I am using it right). Because there are two very distinct ways to look at it:
- Magic is neat and exciting, and this movie is full of super neat and super exciting magic.
- Nicolas Cage couldn’t
have hairact his way out of a wet paper bag, which is wet with my barf.
Of course, both of those stances are correct, which is why most modern debate or rhetoric teams demand that their competitors be able to argue all sides of an issue. But wow, I have a feeling that Nicolas Cage might have secretly died? But instead of just telling America the truth, Hollywood has instituted a covert operation to have a Nicolas Cage look-alike continue to perform in Nicolas Cage movies? Except that the Nicolas Cage look-alike is just slightly worse at acting than Nicolas Cage was* when he was alive. “Once you step into that–LINE! You must leave everything–LINE!”
Also, this is my favorite:
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is the English name of a poem by Goethe, Der Zauberlehrling, written in 1797. The poem is a ballad in fourteen stanzas.
I didn’t know that! If I had known that I would have demanded that Goethe be given a bigger grave! You know, for rolling in. I actually had heard about this movie for a long time, and seen on-set photos posted on the Internet of Nicolas Cage in his wizard-slash-tranny outfit for a long time, but never realized it was supposed to be a variation on THE The Sorcerer’s Apprentice from Fantasia!?! I’m sure that Hollywood gently told my childhood to get on its knees and close its eyes before it put a bullet through my childhood’s face. You know, out of mercy.
I’m also sure that the wig budget for this movie was less than the Bagel Bites budget:
Lookin’ good, gurrrrl! This was a passion project for Nicolas Cage, so he took a HUGE wig budget cut in order to be able to do it. VARIATION: When Nicolas Cage was talking about being broke last month, maybe he was talking about his wigs. Because they are broke as hell. You get it.
You can see The Sorcerer’s Apprentice in HD here. You have five minutes for rebuttal and to rest your case.
*I know that Nicolas Cage can be good at acting sometimes. Like, he was good in Raising Arizona, and Wild at Heart, and Adaptation, and Lord of War (Lord of Zing!). But those seem like happy accidents at this point. It is getting pretty hard to defend Nicolas Cage’s talents for the Cageheads out there, so relax, Cageheads. I’m sure that Nicolas Cage has nothing but millions of dollars and an inexplicably thriving career to ease the wounds of all these mean blogz.
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whoa whoa, no one told me nic cage was going to be doing hadukens in this movie. im in.
Street Fighter meets Transformers meets The Mummy Returns meets MechWarrior but, you know, for kids.
Is it possible for Jay Baruchel to look younger than he did a decade ago when Judd Apatow was wielding him for collegiate tomfoolery?
I’m sticking to my Andy Kaufman theory. He has to know how retarded he is. One day when he’s no pants Brando fat he’ll let us all in on it. “Ha ha suckers!! I intentionally fucked up all my movies!! mueeehhhaaaahhaahaaahaa!!!”
And we will all shrug and say, “Yeh you got us. . . way to go. . . you convinced us all you were an idiot.” But the joke will be on him.
Where are the brooms? I liked the brooms…
If you freeze frame at 2:14, you can see a brief shot of the brooms and the water, indicating some sad, perfunctory gesture towards the Goethe/Mickey Mouse tale.
Apparently Nic Cage bought the Wigsphere and puts its contents to good use.
At first, I was like “there’s no way this is a remake”, but then those CGI anthropomorphic mops showed up for a tenth of a second, and I’m on board this green-screen train now.
Do you all know how to produce a blue flame? Can you believe how much blue flame this trailer produced?
More like the SNOREceror’s Apprentice, right guys?
You ever downvote one of your own comments? I just did.
Nicholas (M)age jumping out of the Buring Wreck that is his career. No amount of Giant Iron Birds, Black Magic(ery) or Lightning Blasts will make me love this.
Has anyone made the CGI-less version of this trailer yet? 2.5 seconds, all wig.
Car chases! Anthropomorphic metal gargoyles! Roach suits! Magic Asians! This movie has it all.
Who is that Shia LeBeouf 2.0 kid? Should I know who he is?
Off topic, for some reason (mostly that I didn’t read VG after 4 pm), I thought the pizza party was last night, so I spent the evening moping around my house, kicking imaginary pebbles with my toe and cursing the city I live in. Now I’m reminded it’s next week, which means I ruined a perfectly good Tuesday evening for nothing. Thanks a lot, self.
I believe he is this guy – http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0059431/
Hmm, I see. It seems that he has won two awards. This is obviously going to be a much better movie than I thought, what with the award-winning actor.
You ever seen Undeclared? That kid can’t act way worse than Nic Cage can’t act. Granted, I think Cage’s performances range from chewing scenery on the “good” end to phoning in the chewing of scenery on the bad end, but Jay Baruchel? CMON SON. Call Wiley Wiggins and have him teach you his craft.
That sounds like what i did, except i wasn’t going, and my tuesday featured a lot more glass breaking, furtinture throwing, and *acting out scenes from movies with **friend
*pretending i was making out with Kristen Steward (MLIT)
**Big, old Maple tree in my yard
I had a joke lined up about how this kid was gonna bring about 2012 via wigs and brooms magically colliding but the trailer ate the words out of my face.
I think we can chalk this whole thing up to Nic Cage’s premise in life currently –
Gabe, you’re not alone in your suspicions. Google “Nicholas Cage dead.” So many conspiracy theory posts! He apparently died on either March 16, 1996, sometime in August 2008, or March 2009. Either way though, he’s (and probably one or two of his subsequent lookalikes) totally dead. Good call!
“NO NOT THE DRAGONS! NOT THE DRAGONS! AHHHHH! THEY’RE IN MY HAAAIIR! MY HAAAIR! AHHHHH!”
I think the trailer and I have established a nice rapport. It says “IT IS NOT A MYTH” and I say, “Haha trailer. It is a myth, you silly.” It says “IT IS NOT AN ILLUSION” and I say, “Nope, it’s CGI.” It says “NICOLAS CAGE” and I say “Haha, nope. Robot.”
That’s how we roll.
this is what happening in my brain: “it is not an illusion” but it IS an Allusion! thanks Goethe!
“Any sufficiently advanced CGI is indistinguishable from Nicholas Cage.” — Clarthur C Ark (I think I did that right)
It looks what Nic has got there is one of Kim Zociak’s men’s wigs. These are real popular with Hollywood BIG WIGS, ask Keith Urban
For the whole first minute when it was trying to be cool and mysterious I was just like “boring!”
Magic is neat and exciting, and this movie is full of super neat and super exciting magic.
Woah there! I think you forgot a bit there. it probably should read “Magic is neat and exciting,except when it’s being preformed by douchebags at bars.” Fixed. And for my next trick I’ll click submit and magically make this thought appear on the internet.
This needs either more brooms or more bees, or to not exist at all. I cannot decide which option is preferable.
The street they were filming this on in Chinatown (with all the red Chinese lanterns) looked magical from the Manhattan bridge for several weeks. It sort-of ruins it now, knowing it is for a Nicholas Cage action/adventure shitty movie.
That’s funny, because when I saw their set for it from the bridge I thought “whose trashy ice-capades version of chinatown is this? And when is somebody going to realize that that is way too much magical orient-flavored confetti?”
I should have known that with the addition of the sinister Fu Manchu and a couple of polyester wig-fueled fireballs it would end up looking awesome and not at all like a CGI racist nightmare.
Lol
Nic Cage’s character’s name is Balthazar Blake. And here I was thinking it would be Yen Sid.
I was hoping this would be a Wicker Man level of bat-shit crazy performance from Nic Cage, but this looks more like a National Treasure 2 level of phoning-it-in performance.
Of well.
P.S. Dear internet machine, please post an animated .gif of Nic Cage punching that lady from Wicker Man.
Here you go.
Love,
The Internet
“AHHH!! AHHH!! I CAN’T ACT AND AM ALWAYS IN TERRIBLE MOVIESTHEBEEEEEEEEESAAHHHH!!!!!”
WHERE ARE THE DANCING HIPPOS???
For Adaptation, he claims he went against every single acting impulse he had and just listened to what Spike Jonze told him. Thank god.
Well, that explains a lot… he was so good in that that I hardly realized it until I watched it again.
How much better/worse would this trailer be if it were soundtracked by “Final Countdown”? How much more money would this movie make if they replaced Nic Cage with Will Arnet?
I uh I uh I uh I want the knife. Pleeeeze.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBereoyktJY
Wigga Please!
I think that the key to Nicolas Cage’s acting talent is the director. If there’s a good director (Coens, Spike Jones, David Lynch), they can reign him in and pull something good out of him. If there’s a crappy director, they’re just like, “Go nuts, Nic, punch a lady while wearing a bear costume! I defer to your expertise!”
Mark Wahlberg has the same affliction.
In the movie FACE/OFF, they never put his face back ON.
They took his face and have been using it on other people (and robots) ever since.
i think i might be more upset about the supporting cast than cage. that kid is LAAAAAAAAME and i swear i saw Kristen Stewart but i can’t find her on imdb.
IM DISSAPOINTED THAT I CANT BE PISSED ABOUT KRISTEN STEWART.
How big is it?
Cage du Freak: The Transformer’s Apprentice
“You’re my apprentice.”
“I’m a what?”
Way to go, public school system!
Hey…..as a public school teacher I resent that!
We’re trying our best here, what with cut budgets, no child left behind, hmmm about thirty five to forty kids in every single class, undiagnosed kids with definite IEP’s, kids diagnosed with IEP’s who clearly don’t need them, a mayor who uses education as a platform but still finds a way to cut the budget, educators who use the platform as a means to preach their bias/prejudices/lack of faith, and idiot advisors/principals who really don’t know how to reach anyone (let alone the students) and feel it’s their constant duty to ride your theories/attempts/hail marys into the ground.
But then again, no excuses, play like a champ!
Amirite?!?!
Sorry to turn this into probswiteducationgum btw
I was, of course, referring to the imaginary public school system that exists in Nicolas Cage movies… and even if I weren’t, believe me, the teachers would be the last people I’d blame (because all the stuff you said). Teachers rock!
Yeah I know what you meant, didn’t mean to come across as attacking or anything, bad day at the workplace, yadda yadda yadda…..I say fuck it man, let’s luge!
this is the internet, so anything is possible/allowed, but your profession (public school teacher) combined with your avatar (Patrick Bateman), seriously freaked me out. i am a total hypocrite, because i will probably be teaching (and capitalizing regularly) in a few years, and i love american psycho… but the initial shock was considerable
Don’t be so sad. The brooms are there in all their magical cgi glory at the 2:14 mark. I think Sheinhardt made them with Nic Cage’s leftover wigs.
Speaking of magic, my theory of his acting (I wrote hacting first because I can’t type, but perhaps I was right.) borrows heavily from The Prestige. I think they killed the wrong one is all I’m saying.
Don’t forget Valley Girl, Gabe! Nic Cage was super sexxxay in Valley Girl!
Wait wait wait. Are we really gonna say that Nicolas Cage is not a good actor? He’s an annoying actor. He’s a sellout actor. He has made some of the most terrible movies of all time. But the man is at least a decent actor. Leaving Las Vegas? Bad Lieutenant? Granted, I don’t think he did any acting at all between those two films, but he is very good in both of them. Sorry everyone.
Nicholas Cage’s wig makes him look like Falcor.
Nic Cage will never top his finest role as Fu Manchu in “Werewolf Women of the SS” and he knows it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVth4XCauRo&feature=related
For every Leaving Las Vegas there was a Ghost Rider, and for every Bad Lieutenant there was a Gone in 60 Seconds, He’s made some good movies and done some good jobs. I liked Lord of War (for more than just him, though). But is it more likely that he’s a good actor who accidentally makes 90% awful movies, or a 90% awful actor who accidentally lucks out sometimes?
He’s like the one guy that needs the Scientologists to guide his career.
so glad nickel back is finally getting screen time
“You know what magic needs? More explosions.” Gerry O. Bruckheimer.
Wait a second… has Vgum been reporting on this wayward member of the Coppola family for all these year, and no one has made a “caged wisdom” joke about him?
Also, his middle name is “Kim”.