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After seeing New Moon last week, one fan did a side-by-side comparison of Bella and Edward’s relationship as it compares to the National Domestic Violence hotline’s list of domestic abuse warning signs, and everything matches up. Neat! For Kids!
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It’s quite clear to me that Edward follows Always Sunny’s D.E.N.N.I.S. system:
Demonstrate value
Engage physically
Nurture dependence
Neglect emotionally
Inspire hope
Separate entirely
Glenn Howerton thinks it’s funny too.
(After saving her from the impending gang bang in the first movie by rolling up in his bad-ass Volvo)
Bella: “This mushroom ravioli is good.”
Edward: “You’re the one that’s good.”
All it’s missing is the part where Edward buys a voice-changing box to prank call Bella late at night.
“WELCOME TO HELLLLLLLLL!”
Twilight has established an abusive relationship with Videogum.
1. Is the movie or TV show or internet video unintentionally horrible?
check.
2. Does the movie or TV show or internet video have a history of horrible cultural impact?
Twi-heads
3. Has the movie or TV show or internet video elicited more than 3 posts on Videogum?
yes.
You are in an a-blog-sive relationship with this piece of media.
4. Is Robert Pattinson in it.
Check.
…Just thought I’d help you out with the most important one.
Sparkling = violent
Speaking of Twilight blog entries, I found this one hilarious as well.
http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight
Pants & Edward 4EVAH!!!11!
“Bend me, rape me anyway you want me, as long as you love me, Baby, it’s alright.” – The American Creed
Rape-Rape?
Well DUH
The Vampires Bite/Werewolves Maul are all an allegory for SEX (You “do it”/”get Mauled or Bitten” and CHANGE and become a BEAST)
Bella’s a virgin, no lovemaking, just looking and longing and feelings and poop.
Oof, wait till the fourth book – DRACULA FUCKING SPOILER ALERT when Edward & Bella have sex (when she is still human), he covers her in bruises because of his superhuman vampire-fucking strength. YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES
For reals? I’m not sure which is more disturbing- your description or that it takes 4 fucking books to get to the boning.
the worst part? the boning = fade to black. seriously, we have 2000 or so pages leading up to this moment and then…all of a sudden meyer cant find words?
You left out the dracula-teeth c-section and wolfman-pedophilia.
You know, for kids!
The worst thing about it is that teenage girls LOVE it.
“I sooo want Edward to bruise me up in bed. Yowww.”
NO, STUPID GIRL. YOU ARE TOO YOUNG FOR BDSM. AND THIS IS FUCKED UP. DOMESTIC ABUSE IS NOT SEXY.
“Does your partner: Take your… Social Security check, make you ask for money?”
This ALWAYS happens to bella.
“come on, ed! i need that money for lipitor or i could die! Please please please let me have some of it? I’m sorry i made you hit me earlier. really, i am.”
Well he is over 100 years old. The least wrinkled geriatric in the nursing home.
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Aw, everyone’s a critic…
Something tells me I need to make some serious lifestyle changes. I just found out that 12 of my friends joined a group called “Taylor Lautner, Shirtless, In the Rain, Enough Said.” All this group is, is a picture of Lautner. Shirtless.
I hope these friends of yours are teenagers. If so, you can hope they’ll grow out of their bad taste. If not, CREEPS.
Holy shit! That’s too funny!
…people still use LIVEJOURNAL?!
All that sparkle in his skin must be blinding others to all the warning signs.
what is your avatar from? its driving me crazy
Huh?