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The Challenge: Despite being averse to cameras, teamwork, exotic foods, travel, haircuts, and physical exertion, I have to submit an audition tape to Survivor.
The Result: As with the Saw marathon challenge, once again I find myself rocking back and forth in a corner while simultaneously Googling “Microsoft Word Letter of Resignation Template.”
The people we see on reality shows all have a few things in common. They’re confident in their awesomeness, they enjoy both seeing and hearing themselves on television, and they all, at one point, desperately wanted to be on a reality show to the point where they were willing to undergo an audition process. I do not have any of these qualities. So it was only natural that in the ongoing battle that is Videogum co-editor Gabe and my Double Dog war, Gabe would insist that I make a reality show audition tape. And of all the reality shows in all the world, the one I would be the worst choice for is Survivor. I’ve never left the country (I know), and I don’t even like to try new foods in fancy restaurants, much less eat bugs on a beach. And while everyone thinks of him or herself as a competitive person to some degree, my take-no-prisoners moments are limited to random TV trivia and cutthroat games of Cranium.
So, I hereby I submit my plea for inclusion on Survivor’s Season 18:
If the definition of Double Dog success is complete embarrassment, I win forever and ever.
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I like how you start laughing right before you unlock the door to your apartment. I really hope they pick you.
that face you made even having to say the name of the show is classic! you would be the worst contestant ever, and I say that as a total compliment.
My favorite part was that you had to take all of the pillows off the bed.
They always make the survivors take all the pillows off a bed!
I think they should make a season of survivor that is like.. the anti survivor.. just filled with people who are terrible and don’t want to be there.. but are paid by the day and theres a huge prize for the winner.
Think of the Hilarity!
Joe Rogan will host it. Fuck Jeff Probst
I think my Survivor tape would be even more pathetic. What? Do without pillows? Hell no! But I do love the Grey’s reference, well done.
My friend is seriously auditioning for Survivor. I am so ashamed.
Whoa, what was with the long hair in that photo with the cake? Bring back long-haired Lindsay!
Sweet apartment! Also props for the copy of Infinite Jest on your coffee table.
I heart thee
I filmed an audition tape for The Real World many years ago. I am so grateful I never sent it in. I just wish I didn’t tape over it. Props Lindsay. I hope you make it to the show!
I’m going to love it SO MUCH when get a call saying you’ve made it to the second round of auditions. You’re the kind of person they’d love to have on reality shows for the first few episodes of dramarama.
If you win Survivor you will get to buy replacement glasses.
I think you got a real shot here, Lindsay.
The one character that Survivor hasn’t had yet is that quiet, studious city gal who…after a few days away from civilization…hears the “call of the wild” and just flips out, running around nekkid howling at the moon.
Cute as a button. I wish I could be in the room when the judges see this. I wonder if they’ll think you’re serious.
Your tape will get extra points for the Greys Anatomy fan judges…
If you don’t make it on survior, there are plenty of other reality television shows to choose from! You look like you might have the courage to take on Nashville! Watch the Nashville Star premiere this Monday and that way you can get the courage and know how to go to the CASTING CALL!!!! Even if you can’t sing, that would be awesome, everyone loves crazy casting call auditions! You look like you would have fun no matter what you do and this would be fun!
Survivor: Heart of Brooklyn.
where are all the double dogs?
you guys seriously need to make more of these. they’re the best.
you know if the whole survivor thing doesn’t work out, you could always forward this to the MTV “Made” producers
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wow…. using the song from rocky, for survivor… creative… or not…
Comic Sans. Nice.