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Every few years, popular culture passes out of its old phase (acid washed jeans) and into its new phase (pepperoni P’zone). Right now, we are clearly living dick deep (sorry, but appropriate) within the Era of the Douchebag now. It’s not just that the douchebags have gotten their own uniform (Ed Hardy), or their own odor (Axe), or their own drink (Miller Chill), or their own tan (fake), or their own music (Nickelback), they’re even getting their own TV shows. We’ve already seen the rise of Tool Academy, and there was the little talked about but much-doucebaggy Is She Really Going Out With Him?. And now MTV is at it again with a new show called Jersey Shore, also known as Douchebag USA, or Douchebag Ground Zero, or “home” (if you are a douchebag yourself). It’s really only a matter of time before they get their own TV station. 24-hours a fuckin’ day, brah.
Jersey Shore promo, or as I like to call it, HARBINGER OF THE TIMES, after the jump.
“We’re not even trying anymore. Why should we?”
–MTV
Obviously, we’ve lived through difficult eras in the past and survived. Although, I’m not sure I want to be the one to explain to my grandkids as we sit on the hoverporch, looking out over the glinting, glittery expanse of water that covers the Earth, why people used to think it was OK to watch date rapists fight about pizza, or whatever. “When I was your age, ice cream only cost five dollars.” “What’s ice cream?” And personally, I think that giving douchebags TV shows only empowers them. And if we keep empowering them at this rate, they will soon become too empowerful, and we will no longer be able to emcontain them. That being said, I am obviously going to watch the FFFFFFF out of this.
I already hate everyone on this show so much! It’s great!
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Should I go get a runway full of ice cubes? Because these guys need to cool their jets.
How old is that DVR? Does it run on steam power?
PAH!
I love you, dude. BTW, nice abs.
Thanks, Brah. Three words: Pro Tein Shakes. Let’s hit the gym latah, I’ll hook you up wit some.
there’s something about hate watching guidos that makes me so happy. ‘guido beach’ and also, old skool guidos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eqCBCUawKY
HAH thanks for that link, that was a great 5 minutes of YouTube. My fave is that tough girl who puts everyone in the hospital. Because she beats them up. Sometimes they die.
what is your icon? Guess Who blueberries?
Those would be zoombinis from the most awesome learning game ever!
make me a pizza!
this is the cutest. i just watched the intro video about them. so so so cute.
I was also wondering where the “guido beach” tag was.
Its really weird how everyone prospers from this but nobody does. MTV’s audience gets somebody to laugh at and these guidos get that tiny level of fame they crave. But yknow, its also infecting me with brain poison so I still lose.
Can’t wait for the hour long christmas special!!!!!
dangit
Wait, there are people like this? I thought Nick Kroll invented them… I am glad I am sheltered from this in my land of high heroin usage and impending economic collapse! Let’s watch this, and laugh, ironically!
Question, do you date me?
Believe it or not I live in Jersey and these people DO exist and they are my ALMOST NEIGHBORS!!
The humanity!!
Anyone who has seen “True Life: I Have a Summer Share” shout be very excited about this, as “True Life: I Have a Summer Share” is probably the greatest thing to ever come out of reality tv.
(“should”)
All I gotta say is “cheeseballs”
I can only hope this show won’t rip my heart out and feed it to me on a silver platter.
I was thinking the same thing! Second best True Life ever, the best being the episode where the Jersey couple gets married and the Groom viciously yells into the phone at the limo driver who got lost. So what I’m saying is, I hope there’s a guido beach wedding.
That’s my favorite too! Although I’m pretty sure they were from Staten Island, not Jersey.
Jersey Shore: The Douches Will Be Douching!
Jersey Shore is the best new TV show ever and everyone knows it. INCLUDING YOU NICK.
Plus 50 for reminding me of this video. Nick!
Seriously, thank you.
The fact that I know this cannot be a good sign, but I believe the show is called ‘Is She Really Going Out With Him?’…..
Guidos: We did this for the show.
This is disconcerting.
“I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to rock these abs, pop mah collar, and look goooood!”–what will be said by every guy on this show I’ll bet
DVR-bombs.
It’s these dinks that make everyone hate New Jersey, and me hate humanity.
I will never not feel embarrassed that I live in the same state as these mouth-breathers. I feel like I have to constantly apologize to the world for them by living in Jersey.
I kinda feel like you should apologize now. We all had to watch it, only you can make us whole again.
No no no, as long as you don’t live among these aberrations, then you have nothing to apologize for. I have spent quite a bit of time in South Jersey, and it’s beautiful there and not at all like this, you know.
It’s true! North Jersey gives the rest of us a bad rep. I’m from Middlesex and I can say we don’t tolerate this kind in these here parts.
OH GOD I’m also from Middlesex.
Shit just got REAL.
No FUCKING WAY!! That’s too weird. Would it be really creepy if I asked you what town you lived in? ARE WE NEIGHBORS??
I’m willing to put my town name here. I’m in Cranbury (aka farmtown, NJ).
I LIVE IN CRANBURY TOO!!!!!!!!!!
Just kidding. If that happened Videogum would cease to exist. Why? Don’t ask me, I don’t make the rules.
I’m too paranoid to post my real home town, but it’s near New Brunswick.
You gave me a heart attack for a moment. D:
That’s cool though. Only 20 or so minutes away then. Friendsgum (not in a “I’m an internet creeper and am going to come visit you” way)?
Friendsgum!! If we ever go to the Videogum meet-up [It is held in a bar and haha I am not of age], let’s carpool.
they dont even live there! they drive down from north jersey! benny go home!
the only solace we can have when it comes to bennys is knowing that we are taking their money and that scores of them end up wrapped around utility poles on Rt. 37
2000s had the “The Wire.” 2010s will have “Jersey Shore.” Advantage: Not Humanity.
Oh my god, the pit-stains!!!!
It is hot hard ass work doing a talking head. the pit stains let you know that he’s for realz.
listening to GY!BE, didn’t bother to turn it off when playing this video. big mistake.
i’m scared for the future, yous guys.
I open up my studded wallet on a chain… and it’s full of blood.
Douches. Will. Clash.
you know, in my day, you couldn’t just call a guido a guido. these guidos today, they spend so much time on their hair, they don’t realize that they’re being slandered AND exploited.
Yeah, I’m from St. Louis so I’m way out of my element here, but I always thought “guido” was a racial slur. Not N-word level slur, but certainly not something I’d ever expect to hear from an MTV voiceover guy. I blame Carlos Mencia.
As an Italian from St. Louis, I can tell you that it is.
I wonder if the producers/manatees responsible ruled out the far more descriptive and accurate term, “douchebag”, for being too offensive. If so: casual racism FTW!
“We’re not even trying anymore. Why should we?”
–MTV, 2002
there. that’s better.
‘fist pumping like champs’ = shake weight workout alternative. full disclosure: to find the name of that thing i had to google ‘videogum workout handjob.’ proud moment.
I have nothing funny or witty to add, I just want to say that those fake-brown humanoids with six-pounds of gel in their hair seriously scare the shit out of me. And not in a “they might kick my ass” kind of way. I’m not joking. Every time I see a pic of one I shudder and avert my eyes. After I post this, I’m immediately closing this browser and opening a new one, because those monsters will be staring into my soul.
this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends…..
not with a bang but with a fist bump
I’m scared that they’re not sterile
“If hating is your occupation, I probably have a full-time job for you.”
What does it pay?
Nightmares. You are paid in nightmares.
I’m in HTMhell.
Here’s what I tried to post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iWahht9dk8
How the hell did you do that? It’s like when Ben Stiller got his beans above the frank. Mind =blown.
I’ll give you a hint: I tried to embed a youtube video.
I guess that’s more “the answer” than a hint…
cizmad: where did you get your icon, and can I get it on a t-shirt or mug? it makes me laugh every time.
Long Island is jealous.
So I guess I sent you the tip for this as you were editing (HAHAHA, like you edit)…
As an italian american, I find this show offensive. And sad.
As an American, I find this show offensive. And sad.
And how is this not just outtakes from “Boys Gone Wild”?
I’ll finally know if Jersey Shore types make the duck face all the time or just for their facebook photos. Exciting!
I need to look at ducks in the face more. It seems their mouths have turned into swollen assholes.
this will be the best thing to come out of my hometown (area) since the mtv beach house went there. or since kirsten dunst.
high five, me too. lets me up and stalk max weinberg.
point pleasant represent!
Those young men clearly have themselves painted up in doucheface, which I find to be offensively douche-ist. Are we seriously back in the days of “A Night At The Roxbury”? I thought we’d advanced as a people. Sad.
I just want to know how to apply to the full-time job of being a hater. Sounds easy and rewarding.
I may already be employed by that man, that is how much time I spend hating him. I’m making very little money though, so I don’t recommend it.
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Didn`t Mike Judge already use his ability to travel through time and make this documentary?
One of my friends told me about a party she went to with a friend. When they got there, the guys were topless and pouring buckets of ice+water on each other to see who was the toughest.
Oh, this show will be awesome.
Oh man I’m gonna hate watch the hell out of this.
I mean there needed to be SOME sort of replacement for the pickup artist 2.
Which one of the trailer brahs most reminds you of a young and talented Mystery?
Dunno about that analogy. Mystery is a total douche, but he’s not a Douchebag. Real Douchebags like the guys on this show don’t have the attention span to develop Mystery’s highly specialised set of skills for luring women into his slut Dungeon. Also, who needs spray tans and hair gel when you can just plonk fucking foggy space goggles onto your rad snow cap and “peacock” your way to sad pussy?
“…four of the hottest guidos…” Hi, my name is MTV. I said that. I’m kind of racist. Racist-light really. I never said I wasn’t.
oh and PS, RE: the top picture: “Let’s make our mouths look like assholes!”
Between, How I Met Your Mother, Real Housewives of NJ and this shit I can’t go anywhere in the WORLD without people snickering about the state I was raised in. I hate popular culture. You’re all lucky you’re not from New Jersey.
Whatevs, you think you got it bad? Try being from Texas.
Someone downvoted you, but this is the greatest Evil Dead gif I’ve ever seen. Now, all I need is a tree-rape gif and I’ll be set (I do not need a tree-rape gif to be set).
“You have already voted on this item.”
So will Tommy Cheeseballs be involved or not?
http://antiduckface.com/page/3
not where i meant to put that.
you win this round “tutukulatu.”
This is exactly why we always called it Sleaside Heights and hated telling other people where we were from. God I was hoping these fucks would go the way of Drakkar and IROCs